Do you discuss big purchases with your partner?

[DotTheCaddy]

How do people deal with situations where one person in the marriage wants to spend a fairly large sum of money (approx £15K) and the other person isnt keen?

My first thought was absolutely yes we would discuss it. However we each pay a set amount of money proportionate to our guaranteed incomes to cover joint outgoings (mortgage, family car, childcare, kids activities, utilities, groceries, emergency fund etc) and what's left is our own 'fun money' to save/spend/whatever as we see fit. So using hypothetical figures if I earned £2.5k per month and he earned £2k per month and our joint liabilities came to £2250 we'd contribute 50% of our incomes each - him £1k and me £1250 - so that proportionate to our earnings we are putting the same in. Bonuses etc are ours to do with as we please.

He has recently bought his own car for around £12000 because it was becoming impractical for him to always use the family car for hobbies etc. He could have used his own savings for this but decided to take out finance funded from his own 'fun money'. While he involved me in the decision making process and wouldn't have purchased it if I'd been against it, I was of the opinion it was his disposable income to do with as he pleased.

So yes, I think it's common courtesy to discuss big purchases (anything over £100 usually gets a mention in our house) but ultimately our finances are set up in such a way that big personal purchases shouldn't impact the rest of the household.

We would be on the same page. I guess if you earn less one way to look at it is if you wanted to spend about £7k on something unnecessary. A necklace perhaps, hard to think what costs that! A stove, or reupholstering the sofa, new carpet and new curtains - you use it all the time same as a car argument, he thinks the sofa and curtains or the stove work fine, but you’d be happier looking at beautiful new ones. Is that fine with him too? £22k gone from the joint account, into depreciating items so frittered away.

I think if you live together and even if you didn’t pool money together surely you mention that you were thinking about spending 15k as it is a lot of money!

Generally no. We view our money as shared (e.g. don't 'owe' each other money or take turns to pay) but it's all stored in our own accounts so there's no issue with keeping track of money in one account. We don't really spend that much time discussing finances though, we have enough to spend and save and we don't need to talk about it. We've never spent as much as £15k on anything that wasn't a household purchase though. Although we've both invested more than that and we don't discuss our investment choices with each other.

Definitely, we both learned this 30 years ago
If something goes wrong from delivery, installing, working etc, then it's neither of our fault.
See, method in my madness.

Oh, we share every penny, and always have.
We are equal and love each other. I'd give him my last penny and he has actually done this for me.
You won't last the test of time if you don't pool money and see it as equal.

Cars, I'd expect it to be discussed to a point. I have little say in DHs car can it fit 4 of us, is boot big enough and the colour!

He had about as much say in my car as I get in his, mind doesn't need a huge boot though!

In that situation, and if it could be bought without impacting daily finances, I'd let him go for it but arrange a standing order for the amount back into savings, timescale and amount to be agreed.

So what's the deal with the current car? Is it a bit small considering his height so he's uncomfortable on long drives? Can you cash in the current car for much? Did you buy the cheapest you could get when money was tight and now you can genuinely afford a new one? Are you shared savings near15k or 150k?

But all that needs discussing, not a unilateral decision made by him

£15k definitely deserves a conversation. I'm currently getting divorced but money definitely wasn't an issue, we both respected each other and discussed everything that impacted on the other eg new jeans no issue whereas a new PlayStation got discussed

The current car I would say is normal size but DH is probably larger than average in height and build. I think he exaggerates how uncomfortable it is for him though . Its 5 years old and we haven't ever had any trouble with it. I imagine we could get a few thousand for it. He actually chose it for being a decent car, not just because it was cheap. We could get many more years out of it I'm sure.

We dont have much more than £15K left in savings as we have just bought a new house! His logic is that he will pay big chunks back in monthly to build it back up again as if he is paying off a loan to himself. Which I'm not happy with because it restricts having money for other things like eating out and holidays etc.

Glad some people are on my page.

So it would impact daily finances really as it limits what other activities you can do. If he is happy to take a loan out for it and repay it himself then that is I guess the compromise though this also impacts how much you can save.

If the car is so uncomfortable that he can't stand it any more then he should be happy to swap to something cheaper.

My DS is 6'3 and drives a citigo. Funnily though he did struggle to get comfortable in some larger cars. DH (6 2) has to rule out certain cars as he couldn't get into a comfortable position and still see out the window as the roof sloped down too far. And onvs neither are exceptionally tall.

Is it possible that he is struggling, but I think he might have said something a few years ago if that was the case. Unless of course he is having some physical/mobility issue that is making it increasingly uncomfortable

The most comfortable car for my husband's 6'6" large built friend is a Peugeot 205. He probably swaps cars more in a year than most do in a lifetime so no lack of car use experience. You can get a good condition one for under a grand.

There's no way one of us would spend out of the joint savings unless we were both agreed. If your DH can pay it back so quickly he can save it up instead.

We totally share finances. We keep a potion of the joint savings each and a potion is kept jointly. All income goes into the joint account (where all bills are paid from). We get £100 a month each for personal spending (has to cover clothes, phones, magazine subscription type things and social life). DH is the main earner; I'm PT and we have 2 preschool kids (soon to be 3). If he ever tried to tell me I contribute less financially as a reason for him deciding how the savings are spent he wouldn't see his balls for dust.

Yes, apart from clothes for ourselves. But neither of us would spend more than £100 on a single item of clothing anyway. I wouldn't spend £200 on anything without saying something to dh (and the other way round) let alone thousands.

@CoffeeInAnIV

I discuss £50, let alone £15k.

Was literally about to say the same thing. Any unnecessary purchases £50 plus arww discussed and agreed) or disagreed upon

Thanks all. This is the first time this has come up since we got married, I always thought we were on the same page with regard to finances.

I can totally see his point. From his point of view we do just fine financially, have just bought our 'forever' home so have no specific savings goals now and can afford it (technically). Hes also had a promotion this year so I think he feels like hes earned something nice for himself, and tbh I think so too. But it just seems like SO much money. I think we could get something just as comfortable and functional for half that, and be able to have a few other luxuries as well.

I do buy things (sometimes expensive) for the house, because if I didn't he wouldn't and we would have an empty house! But he always gives them the seal of approval and I always consider his opinion even though our tastes are very different 😂 He just doesn't seem to be considering my opinion here which is frustrating me!

Endlessly and in minute detail. A purchase of more than £100 would involve weighing up for weeks, probably months even.