Daughters thighs

[Dollygirl2008]

Not sure how to handle this one. DD is 12 - but she hates her thighs. Says they're too fat and chubby and shopping for leggings, jeans etc is a nightmare. To me, her legs are not at all fat but it doesn't matter what I say - we've all been there!

She does karate and football so extremely active and not overweight. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I don't want to say the wrong thing but all the supportive people talks are falling on deaf ears!

Thanks @TattiePants and yes I'm looking at Germany but I'm reluctant as I'd have to go alone - I don't have a partner I could take. One of the three UK specialists is 10 mins from my house so while I'd prefer Europe for costs/results, logistics may say otherwise

She might be conflating tight clothing with being large. Buy her looser fitting bottoms.

Urgh... it's probably something the other girls said to her. I had a complex about thighs rubbing together when walking after it was pointed out by a group of girls laughing at me. I'm so glad that adults aren't like that (mostly), like friends and I can moan about the thigh bit of jeggings getting a hole but not bully one another about it!

My sister was the same, she started puberty very young and had a figure to die for, my mum did the same as a PP said, make a big fuss of curvy athletic women, my mum did this to boost my sister’s confidence and now she’s 22 with a Kim K body and I’m still here waiting for puberty to transform me! Your daughter will be the envy of a lot of girls, people pay for the body she has!

My DD15 hates her thighs and legs in general. All her friends seem to be have big strong legs and bottoms, where as my daughter is very skinny. She would love to look strong but she is naturally thin and willowy. If only we could celebrate all shapes and sizes when in reality it’s all about fashion. At the moment bigger seems to be in but 10 years ago it was thigh gaps! You just can’t win!

Are they big? What dress size is she? How tall?

I'm 36 and have recently started spin classes on my bike. I've finally realised what the thighs are for!

@JeanneFrench

I'm sure this was said without thinking and without intention to hurt, but please don't describe any woman's or girl's body as "like a boy". Whether we have large or small breasts, or breasts removed for any reason, or curvy shapes or not, and whatever our weight, all of our bodies are feminine and womanly.

Yep.

How is your body confidence OP? Happy with your weight? Diet? Exercise?

“I’m quite surprised by this TBH because a decade ago thicker thighs were a huge negative among teens (the whole “thigh gap” trend) but it’s generally the opposite now—the whole thighs and bums thing, I know loads of teenage girls that do specific exercises to get bigger in this area? And leggings now are deigned to show this off!“

I think this might be more the case for older teens- when I started puberty it was the not being used to having fat in certain areas that got me. I didn’t want to look like an attractive grown up because I still felt like a child.

I'd just tell her that everyone has a part of their body they don't like and unfortunately you just have to suck it up!

I'm not saying that to be mean but because nothing you say to her will change her mind.

I have a big nose and hated it so much (still do). There is no covering up a big nose I tell you. Tell her that having big thighs is a minor thing that can easily be disguised/dressed to flatter.

I used to hate it when people said that my nose wasn't big because I knew they were lying. A boyfriend I had when I was teenager said to me "yeah, your nose is big but it doesn't matter because you are pretty". That really stuck with me so perhaps just try and emphasise that having big(gish) thighs really isn't a big deal and that the rest of her body is amazing and hardly anyone has nothing they don't like about their body.

There was a great interview with Claudia Winkleman in one of the papers yesterday. It said her mum had no mirrors in the house and she lived by and reinforced the message that how you look is the least important and least interesting thing about you. I know it might fall on deaf ears for a teenager but I think it is the most inspiring message for girls as they are bombarded with so many unrealistic images about how they "should" look.

I hated my muscular thighs as a teenager and through my early adult years (waiflike 90s fashion was not my thing) but the current fashion is for athletic, strong female bodies, so show your daughter role models such as Jessica Ennis Hill, Gemma Atkinson, Beyonce, and any number of instagram influencers.

My daughter has a similar concern - she is tiny but as a dancer has solid thighs - nightmare with tight trousers to get them over with such a tiny waist. They not big to be honest and it’s only because she dances she fitter - she’s 17 now and thankfully didn’t worry about them - occasionally asks are they wobbly (no there nothing to actually wobble about!!)

My dd had very muscular thighs when she was sprinting for her athletics club and playing football. They looked 'big' but were in fact rock solid muscle. I just kept reiterating to her that they weren't fat they were strong. She didn't entirely buy it, and I had to keep constantly reassuring her

Can you have a discussion with her about different body shapes - pears, hourglass etc, and then find clothes recommendations for her shape.

Styled by Suzie do a teen style recommendation (#dons hard hat and takes cover). . John Lewis do a free personal shop.

guide

One guide found online

@Dollygirl2008

Thank you all for your responses - I've got something positive from each of them.

You're right - she started puberty way earlier than anyone else and I was hoping that starting high school would have made her feel "normal" which it has in many ways as she is no longer the tallest (by far!). She isn't overweight - she has an amazing figure, but possibly one that she would kill for when she's older!!!! She has shape which her friends don't yet have. Good idea about role models from sporting background!

I could have wrote your post . My daughter is year 7 and does karate . Her figure is how I used to look at 14. We have the same issues that her thighs are fat . She is tall for her age but all her friends are petite and skinny . I try my best to reassure her but it falls on deaf ears . I am hoping that in a couple of years when her friends have caught up she won’t notice the difference !

Have a look at the Embrace project. It's very well done.

bodyimagemovement.com

I’d just point towards sports women. I had/have big thighs at a young age because I rode horses. Her only risk is if she becomes idle like I did they turn to shit. I stopped horse riding when I graduated uni and started working in an office...and my fit, firm thighs have turned to flabby thighs. Entirely my fault of course, keeping active is important!

I would tell her that’s she’s perfect and that her friends will hit puberty and their bodies will change a lot and that’s fine. Concentrate on health and concentrate on the amazing things her body can do because she is healthy

Just keep reinforcing the message that bodies come in all shapes and the most important thing is that they are healthy and strong.

It might also help to point out that the vast majority of women's bodies she sees in media and on line are curated/filtered/photoshopped.

If she's fit and active then I'm absolutely certain there's nothing wrong with any part of her body.

I was exactly the same. I grew so fast I had big purple welts on my thighs that I found out were stretchmarks. I wore massive jumpers and jeans for years til I learnt to love my legs and discovered the mid thigh cut off look - not sure what the version is these days but those skater dresses / leggings look great on people our shape... this is a good film about how it all feels at times. I still find clothes shopping anxiety inducing as anything I buy involves trying on 6-8 items at least in so many size ranges that I get the fear and have to leave it en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persepolis_(film)

I've got quite chunky thighs - I'm not in any way short but my height is all in my torso so my legs are quite short. I think this comes from my dad and I can see that other family members have inherited the same from him. It might well be that there isn't anything much she can do about it if she's already quite sporty, so maybe the best policy is to tell to focus on the bits of herself she likes (I quite like my shoulders and collarbone!). And there are ways to wear leggings etc despite having bigger thighs, you just have to choose carefully!

Could you be a helpful role model OP? My daughter mentioned that some one at school said she was the only one whose tummy had rolls when she sat down (what a total c*w btw) so I said that can’t be true and anyway I’ve got rolls when I sit down - which I showed her. I’m size 10/12 and basically happy with myself. I explained most stomachs are soft and that’s kind of what some/most women’s tend to do. We laughed about the girl’s stupid comment and it seemed to help. My daughter was younger 8/9 though - maybe older kids relate less to their mum as a role model (no pun intended).

Gosh, so surprised at these responses. No matter how often the op says she doesn’t have big thighs, posters insist she possibly has, one even asking if she’s “chunky all over”

No wonder people have body image issues. If the op says she does not have big thighs she doesn’t have big thighs.