Daughters thighs

[Dollygirl2008]

Not sure how to handle this one. DD is 12 - but she hates her thighs. Says they're too fat and chubby and shopping for leggings, jeans etc is a nightmare. To me, her legs are not at all fat but it doesn't matter what I say - we've all been there!

She does karate and football so extremely active and not overweight. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I don't want to say the wrong thing but all the supportive people talks are falling on deaf ears!

My 15 year old DD has huge thighs due to being an endurance sprinter and sprint track cyclist. She is incredibly fit, sporty and strong with thighs of pure muscle. We have spent many hours trying to find jeans that fit. The current fashion trends don't help. She is now mentally 'over it' and accepts that she has made the choice to be like that and that is more important to her than the latest fashion trend. When we find a pair of jeans or trousers she gets a couple of pairs.
My suggestion is in the adult sections, try mom jeans in Primark or urban outfitters slouch jeans/trousers.
Also a problem is skinny skirts, it has to be skater style now.

@Lovetoridemybicycle why don’t you get them tailored? Fit on ass and waist but legs tailored?

Oh and Top Shop Jaime jeans I think it was.

@Dollygirl2008

Yup - or belong to her friends who are still the shape of boys!

I hope you don't say this to her as it is just as unacceptable and harmful as making comments about someone who has bigger thighs.

36pregnant. Thanks, Finding trousers that fit her thighs are the problem, we them get them taken in at the waist by a tailor neighbor. Most of the time though she lives in skater dress and leggings.

@Lovetoridemybicycle oh yes what was I thinking lol.

@36pregnant Now she seems to have stopped growing, I'm more willing to spend more, so fully tailored not far away.-holding off as long as I can.

I was a horse rider and played rugby at her age. I ha very strong thighs too and it didnt matter what anyone said; I wasnt going to believe otherwise.

I just started wearing dresses onto of leggings! Maybe get her to try out different styles until she finds something she is comfortable in? But try to be clear that all that matters is that she feels good in it; it doesnt matter what other people think.

Muscle strength/size is very much related to sports. If you look at the top female gymnasts (today, not in the past) or top swimmers, you'll see clear patterns that make sense for their sport.

Long distance runners on the other hand have a different physique.

It's a tricky situation, but the positive reality is that being active in sports as a teenager will really stand to her throughout her later life. A lot of girls seem to drop out from sports as teenagers sadly.

Has your daughter got a full length mirror she can look at? Only, when I was her age I was convinced my thighs were humongous until I realised that I only ever saw them looking down.

Also though, full length mirrors can make people look short and podgy if they are tilted the wrong way.

tell her that we look like what we look like to an extent, and her legs are absolutely fine, healthy legs, and she needs to find something more important to obsess over than whether her thighs or anyone elses thighs are slightly bigger or smaller than another persons thighs.
Ask her if someone else has been bodyshaming her?

Shes a good age to have a proper discussion about the media and impossible standards women set themselves

The Dove self-esteem project might help give advice. They have a great video where girls say what they wish they could change about how they look and it points out the irony, that we all want what someone else has, in a clever way.

www.dove.com/uk/dove-self-esteem-project/help-for-parents/talking-about-appearance.html

She is maybe thinking she has fat thighs as you put it, but not seeing them as solid strong thighs due to her sporting activities. But difficult to get young girls to see things in reality.

@TheSnootiestFox really sorry to hear you’re having to fund treatment yourself. I don’t know if you’ve looked into it but my friend has recently had the first of 3 planned surgeries in Germany. It’s very early days but she’s very happy with the results so far and it was a lot cheaper than going private in the U.K.

I had muscular legs at her age from playing lots of sport. I didn’t care at your daughters age but as I continued sport through my teens I got teased at school for my physique and it did become and issue, well into my early 20s. I wish I’d had more input from my parents addressing this early on so well done for being proactive about it now.

Is this a recent change for her, thinking she has fat/large thighs? Do you know what's behind it, as in has someone at school said something, or is she seeing too many photos on instagram or snapchat or wherever, that are making her feel that she is somehow "wrong"?

If you can, I'd try to find out what's behind her thinking - but gently.

And then the reality behind photoshop photos is a REALLY good idea to show her, so she can see just how unreal those photos are! Some of them are hilarious in their carelessness, by the way.

Apart from that, I'd allow her to dress how she wants but don't allow her to abuse herself or her thighs/ shape, tell her that they are normal for an active sporty girl and if she had stick-thin thighs, she wouldn't have the muscles to do the sports she enjoys so well.

I'm sure this was said without thinking and without intention to hurt, but please don't describe any woman's or girl's body as "like a boy". Whether we have large or small breasts, or breasts removed for any reason, or curvy shapes or not, and whatever our weight, all of our bodies are feminine and womanly.

Talk about puberty in a positive way showing her the diagrams of a young girls and how they change at her age: develop breasts, and the curve of her hips begin to start at this age as well, periods and all the rest. I would show how to view it in a scientific way, and that she may be the first among her friends but that they too will develop at all different times. She is growing just exactly as she should. If she sees that this is a natural and normal development, she might start to really embrace the changes happening to her.

Leaving childhood behind and becoming a young woman is hard, and she may feel a sense of sadness/confusion/loss of what is ending for her now in terms of being a young girl - and moving into the next stage, but she can't verbalise that change/transformation very well, she is just focusing on the actual changes that are now taking place.

I would not read into as a body image problem at her age just yet, just one that is perhaps surprised at her own body, and needs to talk it through with you. With some great chats, I think she will come to see this as a good thing.

I've always had big thighs and hips..absolutely hated them at your dds age.
Even got to the point where I became anorexic( other issues were at play here not because of my thighs) and I only started eating normally again once I realised that my thighs were going to be big no matter what.
I have a lot fo muscle in my legs and it makes them bigger but I love my legs now and wouldn't change them for anything..girls at my gym are always asking how to get thighs like mine and I barely work legs..I only do some toning exercises at most.

Take her shopping to try on clothes to see what styles suit her and make her look more balanced.

Asos now do an hourglass range where jeans are cut to allow for bigger hips and thighs.

Dd16 plays lots of football, really muscley thighs, she’s quite petite. All of her academy have the same build really so I don’t think it’s bothered her, they all complain about getting trousers to fit etc.

We are all different shapes, predetermined by genetics. But PLEASE don’t say that skinny legs are unhealthy or unfeminine! My teen dd is extremely fit and healthy, as she does a competitive sport on a daily basis, but she has very slim legs as that’s just her natural body shape... there seems to be a lot of body shaming going in the other direction now.

I am assuming, however, that she actually isn’t chubby or overweight.

No need for assumptions: it's in the OP.

My dd is also this sort of shape. She is also 12 and sporty. Her friend came over recently and said her bum looked massive in her new shorts, which pissed me off. The girl is a lot slimmer for sure. Dd is broad shouldered. She’s never going to have this girl’s / my frame. I said when the girl had gone that dd has horse riders thighs and planned to show dd something to counter this but didn’t know what. She then left her waist length hair down a couple of days later and took some pics. I then showed her some Renaissance paintings as realIy she looked like she belonged in a painting. Nb she’s slimmer than a lot of the models btw. She obviously thought I was a bit bonkers. But sometimes it doesn’t hurt to show pictures of real women, however old the reference.

I was worried at her age that I had "big" thighs, probably because I walked. ran and was physically more active than many in my peer group as I matured (and kept up the same level of activity) my legs/ thighs never got any bigger and stayed a lovely shape, whereas all my less active friends suffered with thigh wobble.
I'm in my 60's and still have nice legs, tell her to keep active, run, play sports, as she grows taller what she thinks are big now will look fine.

If her thighs are muscular from the sports she plays, would she try things like pilates, yoga or ballet to 'lengthen' her muscles?