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Original poster

Trapped in a bad marriage

82 replies

Gothgirl87 · 10/10/2020 10:11

Hi my husband and I are both 33 and have a 6 year old daughter. I can’t stand the 24/7 arguing and it’s unbearable. We used to live with the in laws and we got pregnant early on in the relationship. They pushed us out before we were financially ready. My husbands work was up and down. He wanted me to help him, but I didn’t know the right job agencies to go too. My in laws were supposed to increase the days, but they completely took over. My parents were supposed to have meetings with my in laws, but didn’t because spending their inheritance was more important. I told my husband I wasn’t happy. He told me to go screw myself and he didn’t care. We couldn’t afford to keep the place and moved back in with the in laws. They lied that they weren’t going for custody. But they did. They won. I regret ever getting back together. We arguing 24/7 and I can’t take it anymore.

OP posts:
june2007 · 11/10/2020 20:46

So the next step is looking at unsupervised contact. Go back to sw and find out why you can,t have unsupervised. See if this is something you can work towards. The fact you need supervised again suggests more to your story.

pandafunfactory · 11/10/2020 20:54

Come off it op. If parents were fit and well and able to parent then there's no way grandparents would get full custody and supervised visits for the parents. Something doesn't add up here. Anyway your problem is getting access to your child. Your marriage is dead in any case.

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:25

I’m telling the truth. I have the documentation to prove it. They blinded idea me with custody and I was distraught and depressed.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Choice4567 · 11/10/2020 21:27

But why did they want to take your daughter? What did they tell the courts was their reason for wanting her?

What does ‘they were supposed to increase the days’ mean

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:29

I’ve already explained what “increased the days” meant. When we moved out the first time. They were supposed to increase the days we had with my daughter, until she was with us 100%

OP posts:
Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:30

@CJsGoldfish

But the court gave it to my in laws because they completely took over

That just isn't how it works. They almost always, always try and support the mother/parents. My SIL is in Melbourne and has been through the court system with a grandchild. So I know there is more to it BUT I am also very, very sorry for the situation you seem to be in.

They wouldn't have given permanent custody so have they offered you the support you need? Given you a timeframe? There is support available and you really need to take it. Reach out, make sure you know what is expected of you and do everything you can to get there. Take all the support you need.

All the best

What support available? Where am I supposed to get this support exactly?
OP posts:
earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 21:31

Unless you start being honest with us OP we can't really help you. No court in the land just hands over full custody to grandparents simply because a parent is depressed, and they just 'took over'. It's one thing giving custody to the other parent, but that's not the case here. Your parenting skills must have been in question in some way. The courts will have been putting your children first, and there must have been some risk of physical or emotional harm. I don't believe for one second that the courts just handed over your kids because the grandparents were pushy about it.

Choice4567 · 11/10/2020 21:34

Ok sorry I Missed that bit about the increased days. You’re still not explaining why they wanted to take your daughter from
You

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:35

@earthtopluto

Unless you start being honest with us OP we can't really help you. No court in the land just hands over full custody to grandparents simply because a parent is depressed, and they just 'took over'. It's one thing giving custody to the other parent, but that's not the case here. Your parenting skills must have been in question in some way. The courts will have been putting your children first, and there must have been some risk of physical or emotional harm. I don't believe for one second that the courts just handed over your kids because the grandparents were pushy about it.
They claimed I was too depressed and made up a bunch of lies about me. And the place wasn’t up their standard- even though my father in law has OCD. They used the fact that my husband was working long hours and has Aspergers against him. And claimed his an incompetent parent as well.
OP posts:
Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:36

@Choice4567

Ok sorry I Missed that bit about the increased days. You’re still not explaining why they wanted to take your daughter from You
I don’t know why they wanted to keep her from me? At some point they just decided too?
OP posts:
Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 21:38

@earthtopluto

Unless you start being honest with us OP we can't really help you. No court in the land just hands over full custody to grandparents simply because a parent is depressed, and they just 'took over'. It's one thing giving custody to the other parent, but that's not the case here. Your parenting skills must have been in question in some way. The courts will have been putting your children first, and there must have been some risk of physical or emotional harm. I don't believe for one second that the courts just handed over your kids because the grandparents were pushy about it.
Well I have the documentation to prove it.
OP posts:
earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 21:39

So the courts haven't explained to you at all what their reasoning was for giving your kids to their grandchildren? Surely you questioned this at the time?

Savemyusername01 · 11/10/2020 21:40

That makes a bit more sense. So you were depressed, your husband has Aspergers and works long hours and the court must have decided you could not put your child first.

earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 21:40

Grandparents that's meant to say

earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 21:47

All sounds very complicated OP and I really don't think you're going to get good advice on here as it seems to be a very complex set of circumstances. I hope you manage to get some support from the right organisations.

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 22:11

This marriage is unbearable and I can’t it anymore with 24/7 fighting that goes no where. I’ve got no where to go to.

OP posts:
earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 22:12

Is it normal arguing, or is it abusive? Could you describe what kind of things you and your partner do to each other when arguing? Is it one sided or is it both of you?

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 22:13

My husband is an absolute idiot who doesn’t seem to care.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 22:14

@earthtopluto

Is it normal arguing, or is it abusive? Could you describe what kind of things you and your partner do to each other when arguing? Is it one sided or is it both of you?
It’s non stop arguing about each others parents and what led up to this mess.
OP posts:
Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 11/10/2020 22:30

@earthtopluto

Is it normal arguing, or is it abusive? Could you describe what kind of things you and your partner do to each other when arguing? Is it one sided or is it both of you?
It often gets abusive.
OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 12/10/2020 12:07

So, did you move out and leave your child behind OP? That is what it sounds like. And did they then go to the court to make that permanent?

Even in that situation, they wouldn't just 'give' custody over. Have you spoken to social services? If not, why not?
You will need to reach out, find someone to assist you. Try an Australian mums site. The help will be there, you just need to find it.

Original poster
Gothgirl87 · 13/10/2020 15:03

@CJsGoldfish

So, did you move out and leave your child behind OP? That is what it sounds like. And did they then go to the court to make that permanent?

Even in that situation, they wouldn't just 'give' custody over. Have you spoken to social services? If not, why not?
You will need to reach out, find someone to assist you. Try an Australian mums site. The help will be there, you just need to find it.

I was in shock because they blindsided me and I didn’t know what to do. There’s no where to go too, on if your in laws take custody while your living with them. Which “social services” are you talking about? Can you be more specific?
OP posts:
AlreadyGone44 · 08/11/2020 01:43

Family advocacy services www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/get-legal-services-and-advice/free-legal-advice/get-help-court/family-advocacy-and-support-services

www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/find-legal-answers/parenting-arrangements-and-child-contact/supervised-time

OP there is no point focusing on what happened, except in where it helps you to work out what you need to do to play a bigger roll in your daughters life. You need to advocate for yourself if you ever want to be more involved in your daughters life. Educate yourself, read through the family law court site in your state. Write a time line of what happened, reach out to anyone who can possibly help, call child protection services and find out what you need to do to move to unsupervised access. Call someone like Relationships Australia and see if you can arrange mediation with your in laws to discuss how you can spend more time with your daughter. Call legal aide and keep calling till you get through. I know support is limited, but if you want things to change you are going to have to push and keep pushing till you find out what you need to do to move toward regaining custody.

Insider101 · 01/07/2021 20:18

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MimiDaisy11 · 01/07/2021 20:33

You need to do things for yourself and stop expecting it from others.

Look into how you can get more time or custody of your child back. See what actions you can do.

I agree with others that it sounds a bit suspicious and quick for one court hearing to just blind side you and take away your child.

You’re perhaps in denial about real issues you have had or at least it appears that way to others and you should treat that seriously to move forward.