Trapped in a bad marriage

[Gothgirl87]

Hi my husband and I are both 33 and have a 6 year old daughter. I can’t stand the 24/7 arguing and it’s unbearable. We used to live with the in laws and we got pregnant early on in the relationship. They pushed us out before we were financially ready. My husbands work was up and down. He wanted me to help him, but I didn’t know the right job agencies to go too. My in laws were supposed to increase the days, but they completely took over. My parents were supposed to have meetings with my in laws, but didn’t because spending their inheritance was more important. I told my husband I wasn’t happy. He told me to go screw myself and he didn’t care. We couldn’t afford to keep the place and moved back in with the in laws. They lied that they weren’t going for custody. But they did. They won. I regret ever getting back together. We arguing 24/7 and I can’t take it anymore.

Oh you’re in Victoria? That’s tough. Do you receive Jobseeker? Make sure you are receiving your entitlements. That might be enough to move out or get support to have your husband move out. Once you have been separated for 12 months you can divorce - you can contact the Family Court for help with a divorce application.

But the court gave it to my in laws because they completely took over

That just isn't how it works. They almost always, always try and support the mother/parents. My SIL is in Melbourne and has been through the court system with a grandchild. So I know there is more to it BUT I am also very, very sorry for the situation you seem to be in.

They wouldn't have given permanent custody so have they offered you the support you need? Given you a timeframe? There is support available and you really need to take it. Reach out, make sure you know what is expected of you and do everything you can to get there. Take all the support you need.

All the best

No the court did nothing to support us. That is what I don’t understand! I’m not on drugs, only drink in moderation, not abusive and not neglectful. I would do anything for my daughter.

OK, if you don't want to give the whole story, that's fine.

It just didn't happen that way. You don't get blindsided with a custody hearing where your baby is taken and given to someone else, family or not. There are a number of agencies involved and there is a process.

Like I said, all the best

If there’s domestic violence in your marriage and your dd was witnessing it, that’s probably why the gp went for custody and got it.
The baby is 6 years old. How long have they had custody?

There were no agencies involved from the start. My dd hasn’t seen any domestic violence- that only happened after.

So, what? One day, completely out of the blue, with zero warning, you were summoned to court, where a judge took your child away from you and your husband and gave her to his parents, and didn't tell you why?

I call bullshit. There is obviously a lot to this that you're not telling us.

Yes one day they filed and I received the papers, while we were living there.

This story doesn't make sense op. For custody to be taken from both you and your husband something must have happened, more than what you are saying. And it won't be because you had PND. Plenty of mums have PND and don't have their children taken off them, also why would that also mean your husband is not suitable to have them either?

I also agree youre minising what happened and there us clearly alot more to the story.

@Gothgirl87

Yes one day they filed and I received the papers, while we were living there.

Absolute bullshit.

Were you too depressed to keep your daughter safe?

Did you go to court and present your views? Did you have legal representation?

What about your husband? Did you present as a couple or individuals?

It’s not BS. I was depressed because they lied and blindsided me with custody- as anyone would be. I did have legal representation. My husband and I represented separately.

Nothing really happened. They took over and my husband was mature enough to work it out with me. And he wouldn’t stand up to them.

wasn’t mature

I know I’m not a liar and I was there and have the papers to prove it.

Why did the court decide your child was better off with your in-laws?

Sorry, just trying to work out what on earth happened and if you have contact with your daughter and is it a permanent arrangement?

There must be so much more to this

When did you last see your daughter? When did you husband last see her? What do your parents think about their granddaughter being brought up by their daughters inlaws?

Do you see your child? Supervised or unsupervised? Does your oh remain in contact with his inlaws.

I think the best way would be to accept that for the moment your daughter is staying with in laws. It is v difficult, but I think the best chance of you getting more time and also future care for her, will be to talk to social services and work out what you would have to do to stand the best chance.

It sounds v unfair, but I think if you dwell on the unfairness, it will reduce your chances of seeing your daughter more. All the best OP

What do you mean they took over? Why did they want custody of your child?

I have supervised visits with her. My parents aren’t happy that she’s being brought up by her.

I mean that I think they planned this all along. They pushed us out when we weren’t financially ready. They were supposed to increase the days and have my daughter more and more. My husband didn’t care and they completely took over. They planned this.