I'm a teenager, AMA.

[sicklyparmaviolet]

Just thought it might be fun and light-hearted to hear any questions you might have for a teenager! (or not, we'll see!)

@iklboo

Do you & your friends have a challenge to see who can store the most plates, cups & glasses in your room?

I hate mess, so no - the most that ever gets left in my room is a glass of water from the night before when I forget to take it back down! Can't speak for other people I know though...!

@Nomnomarrgh

do you know what the USSR was? no googling to cheat

Yes, I've done quite a lot on it in my GCSE and A-Level History courses!

Hahahaha @iklboo! I promise it doesn't start out that way!
It's more eating snacks late at night and then you'll put a plate or glass onto your bedside table (possibly floor if your bedside table is stacked) and then you'll think "Er... I'll get that in the morning" and then you wake up, go to school, crash into bed and later on you'll want another snack. For whatever reason returning a plate to the kitchen expends way more energy than going to the kitchen to get another snack I'm just gonna blame that one on teenage brain malfunctions! x

Hahaha I think anybody who reads this thread understands that @comebacksinging is the clean, productive child of your dreams and I'm the messy nightmare you get saddled with x

@sicklyparmaviolet

Hahaha I think anybody who reads this thread understands that *@comebacksinging* is the clean, productive child of your dreams and I'm the messy nightmare you get saddled with x

Oh I wouldn't be so sure

@EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire

What's your favourite biscuit?

I'm partial to shortbread or gingerbread men. Don't mind a pink panther though!

@Shortfeet

Do you answer your phone if it’s your parent ?

I do, because otherwise I'd be paranoid that something terrible had happened!

@Audreyseyebrows

Also, this is meant in a nice way but what has drawn you to Mumsnet?

I started looking at it to help with a course I did at school, then I got hooked!

Following on from the all consuming nature of social media, and life in general, what can parents do to reassure their children and help them navigate the pitfalls of SM, and help preserve their mental health.

Parents often feel shut out of this part of their child's life and this alternative reality which can seem more real than the real world.

Can you give me some advice on how to handle DD 15 1/2 as feel like I have lost her completely. She treats me with contempt and as though she absolutely despises me. I want her to respect me and respect herself. Her bedroom is a complete tip, unmade bed, dirty crockery, dirty underwear on floor, amongst crisp packets, coke cans, schoolwork, clean washing etc. Almost every time she opens her mouth she is rude to me calling me by my christian name, darling (in a horrible tone) and or shouting and swearing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried to talk to her multiple times all to no avail. We no longer have anything in common. She doesn’t seem to care about school work or GCSE’s. I think she is maybe jealous of her clever brother who is one year older but won’t talk to me and basically I think she is just biding her time until she is 16 and will then be off then or ASAP afterwards without a thought for me. As DH used to always say to her that until she was 16 and living under our roof she would have to do as she was told.

@redvest Hmm, it's definitely a tricky question. I would say time schedules don't work - e.g. switching off the Internet at 10pm for example. I think that's more isolating than comforting. I would say if there are children susceptible to the negative sides of social media (whether it's bullying, addiction, low self esteem) then you could always put content-blockers on certain areas, though I agree this may be difficult to police the entire internet.

I think the most effective thing is probably keep trying to talk to them about social media, and reminding them that if anything ever goes wrong they can tell you about it. Ultimately I think SM is one of those things that is so ingrained that you maybe can't protect against it - you just need to remind your child what "good" social media looks like and doesn't look like (e.g. you could always lead them to some body positive Instagram creators). I guess you could also check their messages with their consent, but be aware teens can be quite sneaky!

Ultimately it's a really tricky question, and I think it comes down to needing to trust your teen but being there for them if anything goes wrong (I guess like a marker of teens becoming adults?). Sorry I don't have a more helpful response, it's quite a tricky question and either extreme of solution might not help your teen in the long run. x

Why do you think older people have no useful life experience to pass on?

( That's if you are my DC! Don't know about you personally!)

Hi, @Sweetchillijam! I'm sorry everything is so difficult for you and your daughter right now, that must be really tough.

Not to be presumptuous or in any way judgemental, I was just wondering if your daughter had been assessed for any mental health conditions? Obviously some of it may be typical teen angst, but a lot of mental health issues show up in middle adolescence (e.g. anxiety, depression etc, sometimes even autism). I'll be honest and say I had a horribly messy room that was about a similar level to your description, but I had very bad depression that meant I just couldn't clean it up or be productive.

If she's not having any mental health issues, do you know anything about her life, could she be having issues at school / with her peer group? Bullying can cause lashing out like this sometimes, as a bit of maintaining control. I think the main factor is probably if she's behaving at school in this way - if she's not, it suggests she's getting worn down by something in her academic or personal life and you're a safe person to throw all of that energy at (rather than expulsion from school, bad reputation etc).

Has she had any big events happen recently that could cause this? Moving house, divorce, big breakup, death etc. It may also just be that she's in a very difficult stage of her adolescence right now, and will leave at 16 only to come back a little while later when she realises you're not the Antichrist (unless of course, you are! )

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time though. If you ever want to PM me, then we can have a proper chat about it. x

@ScaramoucheFandango I guess it's not that older people don't have life experience - I think adolescence is just a point where you have to try to prove REALLY hard that you're a grownup, and grownups don't usually get told what to do (other than in a job circumstance which lots of teenagers don't see their parents actively involved in).

There's also an element of "as soon as your mum thinks something is cool / a good idea, it's immediately outdated or loses it's edge" which is a bit ridiculous really, but affects us all to some degree I think (for me it was wearing jackets when it's cold outside, which I just refused to do for whatever reason). It's also probably breaking away from being a small child where your parents had to make all of your decisions for you and you didn't get any say.

Also I guess, some of it is due to the fact that sometimes you don't always want to make the right / clever decision - ultimately a good chunk of the time I wanted to be a messy teen and not make the "smart" decisions that my middle-aged parents were making (given that I also knew they didn't make the "smart decisions" when they were my age and they turned out fine!).

It's a bit of a rite of passage, as well as probably just not having certain impulse control parts of the brain sorted out yet. I, personally was also just a really stubborn person .

Not sure if that helps, but hopefully it gives a bit of an insight! Would you have listened to your mum on every topic if you were 15/16? x

I had to listen she was the boss..

Did that dynamic make you feel happy / capable / trusted?

Thank you thats really helpful I have suspected autism, anxiety depression. Schools only criticism of her is that she is too quiet in class. She was bullied in year 8 I tried to help her with this but the girls were sneaky, school were dreadful so it kind of made things worse for awhile. I think this has passed but don’t know. I will pm you. Thank you. She won’t entertain the idea of going to the GP, speaking to a counsellor online or in person or even if we both had counselling. The only thing bothering her, in her life according to her is me and she hates me.

What do you think 'marriage' will look like in 30 years?

What is your definition of romance?

@Sweetchillijam From what I see, she absolutely doesn't hate you. In fact based on what you've said, I'd go as far as to say she actually loves and trusts you (or she wouldn't feel safe behaving like this, given that she clearly doesn't feel safe behaving like that in school). Truthfully, I think she's really not happy in school - speaking as someone who was not happy in school and slowly got more upset that I still had to go, despite it being a very unhealthy environment. I think she's hoping you'll pull her out and send her somewhere else (or maybe homeschool if she's having that hard of a time, though that's a very big question). Definitely PM me if you'd like to

Interesting questions once again, @antonov :)

I think marriage will probably change as much as love and relationships are changing. I think we'll probably have a lot more open and polyamorous marriages, as well as people advocating to never get married. I think there will always be monogamous "typical" marriages, but I can see there being a whole new set of traditions (maybe not in 30 years, but in the future). For example, we'll probably move away from taking our husband's name - not fully but it will be less expected. Hopefully there will also be more gay marriage as gay marriage is legalised in more places.

My definition of romance is probably doing things for your partner that you know will make them very happy. Doesn't necessarily have to be traditional romance (e.g. big romantic getaways and candlelit dinners) but anything that you know will bring your partner joy - though this may well be big romantic getaways, depending on your partner!

Thanks for the questions :) x

We clashed. I respected her. She expected independence of me once I'd hit 18 and was not micromanaging at all but held me to a high standard in public behaviour.

She expected me to be capable and trustworthy. Happiness was up to me!

By 18 I certainly felt capable when I compared myself to my peers. Maybe more in hindsight than at the time.

@ScaramoucheFandango Do you wish your own teenagers / teenagers in general had the same dynamic?

Not really possible as I have a totally different nature to my mum!

@ScaramoucheFandango I think the capacity for a bit of push back means you're doing something right, IMO (though I may have a very different view as a parent!)

Hi I'm so sorry to hear that you're estranged from your parents. (I'd be devastated if that happened but we don't need to know why but you obs have your reasons)

My teen hardly ever smiles, walks along looking miserable but I hear him laugh with his friends and he says he's OK. I always worry that something might be wrong and he won't tell me (althou to be fair I try not to pry/don't constantly ask questions just simply 'you OK?' and he does come to me if there's anything bothering him mostly I think) I get scared when I see news stories where teens have committed suicide and the parents say they didn't know anything was wrong. Any advice for parents so teens know they're loved and cared for but without being full on. It's a difficult balance.