Tactics when you get interrupted by men...

[wheresmymojo]

I'm a career coach and have been asked by a (lovely female) journo to provide some input for an article to be shown on Yahoo Finance on the topic of dealing with men who interrupt.

My advice would be:

• Hard Paddington stare at the interrupter, arched eyebrow and then "As I was saying..." in a very pointed way for the first time

• Second time would get "Can I finish the point I was making?"

• Serious repeat offenders would get a friendly but firm conversation in a side room along the lines of "I'm sure you don't mean to interrupt me and it's just enthusiasm on your part but I've noticed that it's happened several times and it does interrupt the flow of the meeting somewhat."

However I think in all reality most women struggle with being this direct as direct women are perceived as being 'angry' or 'unprofessional' even when they're simply correcting the unprofessional behaviour by a man.

Wondering if anyone else has awesome tips for dealing with a male interrupter (other than ODFOD which I don't think I can include!) that I can share with women more widely?

Simply ignore the fact that they are talking and carry on talking yourself. Raising voice slightly if necessary.

Or 'Hold that thought Roger - we'll come to that once I've finished.'

That's not direct, that's apologetic and wishy washy.

"I was speaking" and continue with what you were saying.

Not sure it's a good idea, but avoiding stopping for breath works to prevent interruption , intense enthusiasm !

Keep your voice low in pitcH

Are there others who will help? Sometimes having someone else in the room aware of the issue can help, " I was lnterestrd in midges opinion"

Ask the fwr board

@titchy

Agree 'Hold that thought Roger' is a good one.

I think other people should do this, too, not just the person who was interrupted

I use the "Miranda Priestly" stare - I must have a terrifying face because 90% of the time it works. The other 10% of the time I don't even stop, I just say "[name] I'm still talking" abruptly and carry on.

@ChaChaCha2012

That's not direct, that's apologetic and wishy washy.

"I was speaking" and continue with what you were saying.

There's a fine line between direct and rude.

Some men interrupting are twats, some are accidental interrupters (I myself am an accidental interrupter when I get excited about something).

Feels like that line would only be for repeat offenders personally (and I consider myself pretty able to be direct as an ex-management consultant in a male dominated area).

Kamala Harris (repeatedly) in her debate with Mike Pence:

"Mr Vice President, I'm speaking".

"I'm speaking".

Do a Monica Geller: ‘Lips moving, still talking’.

Why men though, why not anyone?

Quarterback11 beat me to it. Kamala Harris’ debate with Mike Pence was a masterclass in assertively dealing with someone interrupting. She could teach Biden a thing or two about how to deal with Trump. She kept her cool but didn’t budge an inch.

Same as I do when children in the classroom interrupt me, a ‘look’ accompanied with an “excuse me, I’m talking now.”
Usually works.

@Antonov

Why men though, why not anyone?

The same applies to anyone buy research shows that men are much more likely to interrupt women than other men.

Even in the highest courts male judges have been found to interrupt female judges several times more often when researchers have looked at court transcripts!

Say their name
You "Bill"
Bill "yes?"
You "I was speaking"

Agree that something of the ‘Hold on a second, John, I’m going to finish this point’ school is a lot more effective, but still polite.

I did once have to take a boss to one side and point out that he habitually interrupted, but only interrupted women. He was mortified but it took him a long time to fix the behaviour.

Keep talking, don’t miss a beat but raise your volume slightly.

Also if you see someone doing it to another woman call them on it. Or stealing ideas and presenting them as their own. Say something every time.

You seem to think that women have to be more gentle than men, you're perpetuating the misogyny we should be countering.

The way that you stop men interrupting you, is to hold yourself as an equal, not to adapt yourself to some meek female stereotype.

Hard Paddington stare at the interrupter, arched eyebrow and then "As I was saying..." in a very pointed way for the first time

This seems like something that would make you feel good but would make anyone else participating think you're incredibly rude. I would go mad if someone derisively raised their eyebrow at me.

it deends on the setting.
in a workplace formal team meeting, where the boss and majority of others are male, some of these ideas would be foolhardy.
esp in this climate, with large scale redundancies.
the reality for most women is that they do have to appease men somewhat, if they are employed or want to progress in business.

“I did not interrupt you, please do not interrupt me” and then just carry on and speak over them if you have to

I'd love to have the balls to just do a very loud 'TALKING' a la Judge Rinder

First, women interrupt other women as much as men do. So to make an article about how to deal with a “male interrupter” is blatant sexism because all interrupters should be treated the exact same way.

Second, the way I treat and interrupter depends on their status

• If a subordinate or peer interrupts, I raise my voice and talk over them. No way in hell will I unlrofessionally stare, raise eyebrows, snicker, roll eyes and all that passive submissive childish crap. Then they get a firm word in private to not do it again or else. None if this having to be a repeat offender. I nip that shit in the bud.

• if my boss interrupts or my boss’ boss (etc on up) then I’ll respectfully fall silent let them say their piece and immediately take the floor back after they finish speaking. If their contribution is helpful, I’ll start by thanking them. If they’ve asked a question, I’ll answer it and then carry on. If they’ve said something stupid, I’ll treat it like a joke and then carry on.

It’s not complicated.

If an interrupter is persistent and tries to keep talking after I’ve raised my voice and am carrying on. I’ll usually point at them and say “we’ll get to that” or “hold that thought” (essentially shut up in a nice way) and keep going.

"Sorry Bill, for allowing the middle of my sentence to interrupt the beginning of yours"...