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Tactics when you get interrupted by men...

42 replies

wheresmymojo · 09/10/2020 15:21

I'm a career coach and have been asked by a (lovely female) journo to provide some input for an article to be shown on Yahoo Finance on the topic of dealing with men who interrupt.

My advice would be:

  • Hard Paddington stare at the interrupter, arched eyebrow and then "As I was saying..." in a very pointed way for the first time
  • Second time would get "Can I finish the point I was making?"
  • Serious repeat offenders would get a friendly but firm conversation in a side room along the lines of "I'm sure you don't mean to interrupt me and it's just enthusiasm on your part but I've noticed that it's happened several times and it does interrupt the flow of the meeting somewhat."

However I think in all reality most women struggle with being this direct as direct women are perceived as being 'angry' or 'unprofessional' even when they're simply correcting the unprofessional behaviour by a man.

Wondering if anyone else has awesome tips for dealing with a male interrupter (other than ODFOD which I don't think I can include!) that I can share with women more widely?

OP posts:
ramblingsonthego · 09/10/2020 17:17

@Ingridla

I'd love to have the balls to just do a very loud 'TALKING' a la Judge Rinder
I have done this once after I had very passively let people speak over me for half a meeting. I suddenly felt such anger that I banged on the table at the same time (and it was men that constantly talked over me).

It certainly got there attention...........

CherryPavlova · 09/10/2020 17:18

Over glasses look, "Shall I finish? Thank you".

If they do it regularly it needs to be addressed by their line manager more formally.

WinWinnieTheWay · 09/10/2020 17:20

@titchy

"Hold that thought"...

This is amazing! I'm going to steal it and use it for the rest of my life.

So simple, but so effective! Smile

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 09/10/2020 17:35

“Let me just stop you there” like they think you’re going to comment on what they said. Then just carry on with what you were saying.

AlwaysLatte · 09/10/2020 17:41

Talking over them.. 'I'd be very interested to hear your views about that when I've finished'

Soletsgotothepubearlierthen · 09/10/2020 17:45

When someone interupts, go back to the start of the sentence you were saying, repeat and carry on without acknowledging. Every time. It works

Nicolastuffedone · 09/10/2020 18:12

I usually say to anyone who interrupts me, ‘one moment please’ and carry right on....

MadamBatty · 09/10/2020 18:35

I find the stare doesn’t work in a meeting session. John starts talking...I stare, makes no difference all the men are now listening to John.

I repeat John’s last sentence, & continue you on with my own point. so John interrupts says ‘ what I saying about quarter 4’. I pleasantly say, so quarter 4 and....I raise my voice slightly & talk more slowly. I often have to do this more than once in a meeting.

CeliaCanth · 09/10/2020 19:02

Hand up as if you are physically stopping them approaching, and “can I finish my sentence please?” In a firm tone. It even worked to shut down my MIL who has all the tact and diplomacy of Attila the Hun.

Antonov · 09/10/2020 19:52

Even

"Bill...wait! You could learn something here."

Livpool · 09/10/2020 19:58

I work in my IT and my female colleague (and friend) kept being interrupted (happens a lot to both of us) and he said "maybe pretend I don't have boobs and then you can listen to me"x

It worked

Stompythedinosaur · 09/10/2020 20:16

The same applies to anyone buy research shows that men are much more likely to interrupt women than other men.

Agree with this.

You seem to think that women have to be more gentle than men, you're perpetuating the misogyny we should be countering.

The research also shows that women are treated more harshly if perceived to be speaking over men. It is reasonable as woman to think about how to assert without being treated unfairly.

FinallyHere · 09/10/2020 20:33

Wot @PlanDeRaccordement said

I'm female, and an equal opportunity interrupter. Sometimes, occasionally it's appropriate because it's my meeting, we have an urgent issue to resolve and no time for listening to rants we have heard many times.

Lowering my voice and taking a good lungful of air, means I can keep going till they give up in my meetings.

Many, many times it's not appropriate and means that ultimately, I miss out on information or ideas that would have been helpful. My most powerful self control measure is to write down the questions that occur to me instead of asking them as they occur to me.

If someone else interrupts with not quite on point questions, when I am chairing, I ask them to park that question,m ( in remote myths, by adding it to the chat, in a room by having one separate flip chart for the questions) and make a note of it myself. I make a point of coming back to it before the end of the meeting, or at least, in my follow up notes.

Reading these replies, I realise that Our environment has a very flat structure. My meetings are mostly project related, where we can only get the job done with input from across the board. People whose proposed solutions have worked well tend to be listened to. People whose proposed solutions could not be implemented, tend to get shorter shrift and are more likely to be interrupted especially if they try to explain why what went wrong was not their fault.

Codexdivinchi · 09/10/2020 20:40

I’ve just blasted my ex for this. Twice he has done it to me today. Giving me advice on my business which he knows fuck all about. This is why he is an ex.

coronafiona · 09/10/2020 21:52

I use the tactics above but also sometimes I find that holding up my hand to pause them, finish my point then gesture to invite them to talk works well. Creates the impression of being in control and the illusion of manners Wink

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/10/2020 10:15

The research also shows that women are treated more harshly if perceived to be speaking over men.

Perception matters. If a man interrupts a woman mid stream and has successfully seized the floor, the woman is then viewed as interrupting him. That’s why it is bad advice to tell an interrupted woman to say anything that sounds like a polite request to get the floor back. Things like
“Please can I finish my sentence?”
“Let me...”
“May I continue?”
No! A thousand times no. That is passive, meek. You have the floor, do not surrender it by giving the interrupter any legitimacy by asking for permission to continue! You keep going and if they persist, you only use directive commands
“Hold that thought”
“We will get to that”
“I’ll address that at the end”

The worst advice is to fall silent and sit there meekly while the interrupter speaks (unless it’s your boss or higher). You’re just giving up the floor and there is no guarantee that you will get it back. It could go from interrupter #1 to another person, and then another and next thing you know you have full blown chaos with multiple conversations going on around the table. Which you then embarrassingly have to call to order to get back on track. That then means you are viewed as having little to no leadership capabilities.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/10/2020 10:22

Mine is a more hierarchical structure for formal meetings.

For flat meetings, we aren’t formal and I run it like a round robin. I have an agenda that I put up there for us to work through. I throw subject x on the table and then we go round the table and everyone gives their input. Then I summarise, and list the candidate courses of action that were suggested. We then go round the table and decide by consensus which course is the one we want to do. I then confirm that and throw the next subject on the table. Once through the agenda, I then ask the team is there anything else we need to address? And people might suggest another final subject that we then tackle.
Agendas that have space on them designated for people to bring up new matters or ask questions prevents interruptions.

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