Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is she just trying to make me feel shit?

73 replies

WhatamessIgotinto · 08/10/2020 21:49

I've lost almost 2 stone since May. I'm still overweight and have another stone and a half to lose before I'll be the 'right' weight for my height (5ft 2).

My friend was really supportive when I started to try to eat a bit healthier and we started at the same time. She is now constantly making digs about my having lost weight (I never mention it at all) and I really don't know why she would do this - she's also lost weight and we are now pretty much the same weight (I had more than her to lose, she was always slimmer than me) and she told me earlier that I'm clearly doing something wrong as she is now a size 8 at 11 stone (similar height) and I'm nowhere near that size and never will be. I actually don't believe her as I'm not sure how that's possible but more than that I wish she would just talk about something else rather than constantly going on about my weight.

I'm happy with my progress - it's slow and steady and manageable for me, but it's getting to the point where I can't be bothered even to see her because it's all she talks about and she always makes me feel crap!

OP posts:

AyDeeAitchDee · 09/10/2020 08:58

She's trying to sabotage you.

My advice would be to totally ignore. Be nice as pie as if you hadn't noticed at all. If you can even pretend you're eating the treats somehow and still losing weight it'll drive her extra mad.

And let this spur you on to lose even more weight! Be warned she'll up the sabotage.

Amazing job on your weight loss by the way! Wish I could stick to it this year!

Bloomburger · 09/10/2020 09:04

She's jealous. Wants you to know your place, still being the fat girl. Head down, keep going doing what you're doing and teach her a lesson. X

bsc · 09/10/2020 09:07

First of all- well done! two stones off since May is amazing, and you've done it through hard work, accepting changes, discipline, and persistence. Think about how that makes you feel. You should be proud of that, and it should make you feel happy inside because you're protecting your health and your future health (and therefore happiness).
This woman is acting out of envy. She can see how successful you've been, and wants that for herself. But that isn't how a friend feels about a Friend! A Friend would be happy for someone who wanted to make changes and was managing those successfully. A friend would share your joy and celebrate your success (and not with donuts!!) and keep on supporting your progress, wouldn't they? Friends want success for their friends!
This person isn't your friend.

Protect your emotional health and try to distance yourself from her. There are so many other genuinely lovely people out there, I hope you find some new friends.

Keep going- you're doing fantastically!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management

larrythelizard · 09/10/2020 09:08

I agree with the pp that she's jealous,

I have been overweight for years and decided to do something about it - I've lost similar to you but over a longer period so seriously slow and steady!

My mum can't even manage to reference the fact I've lost weight - but it's her issue not mine. She's been morbidly obese as long as I can remember and I think my weight loss makes her feel rubbish about herself.

Don't take it to heart, tune her negativity out and keep doing your thing. It's about her not about you.

Well done on your weight loss!!

tenlittlecygnets · 09/10/2020 09:09

She's jealous, jealous, jealous! She's got used to you being fatter than her and she hates it now that you're not.

Distance yourelf! You're doing brilliantly!! Keep going and surround yourself with positive people!

Also, no way in hell is she a size 8!!

GetTheStartyParted · 09/10/2020 09:10

She has to be lying.

I've lost weight this year- I'm 5ft2 and currently weigh 11st too. I've just gone into a size 12. I need to lose another stone and a half to be healthy and hope to be a size 10 then.

In the past, 11st saw me at a size 14, so my body has changed but I would have to weigh much less to squeeze into an 8.

Definitely ignore any comments (and doughnuts) that she sends your way. Well done on your weightloss

buggeroffvirus · 09/10/2020 09:15

Well done for your weight loss. I have had a friend like this who chipped away at my confidence.
Take no notice and buy her some size 8 knickers for Christmas.

meganlea · 09/10/2020 09:15

She's definitely lying lol. I'm 5ft 1, 7 stone 10 and I'm a size 8. You don't need friends who try and make you feel bad about yourself to make them feel good.

Well done on the weight loss, although I am sure you looked amazing before and after! :)

FredaFrogspawn · 09/10/2020 09:16

Just tell her weight loss is a topic she has to stop raising with you from now on. And that you expect her, as a friend, to respect your wishes on this.

MissBridgetJones · 09/10/2020 09:18

First of well done!
Second off - unless she is solid muscle/bodybuilder super fit there is no way she is 11 stone and size 8 - not a chance!

5ft 5ft here and 11 stone i was a solid 14.

Lolaloveslemonade · 09/10/2020 09:19

Who needs friends like that?

RandomMess · 09/10/2020 09:25

What a cow she is being!!

Just carrying on losing and leave her to her own fantasy of being a size 8 🙄

I'm a similar height and 9 stone and I'm not an 8!!! A couple of size 8 White Stuff tunics I can squeeze into by my waist is far, far, far from an 8.

Mostly size 10-12 depending on cut.

unicornpower · 09/10/2020 09:30

Im 5ft 5 and around 9 stone and am a size 8 (and sometimes my jeans are snug!) I know everyone is different shapes but I don't see how she could be a size 8 tbh!

It sounds like shes jealous to me, she probably feels a little threatened by you now you're feeling confident and have lost weight. I had a friend like that, she would always tell me things suited me when they didn't, that i looked better with more weight on me (i didn't). It was her way of keeping me down as she was unhappy with herself.

Personally i wouldn't see her if you always come away feeling rubbish, life is too short to feel like that!

TeddyDidIt · 09/10/2020 09:38

I'm 5ft 2 as well - 9 stone and not a size 8 (10-12), so I agree that it's unlikely that she is a size 8 at the same height but two stone heavier.
It's definitely about her insecurities and not about you, but I get that it's upsetting. Well done on the weight loss OP.

tigerbear · 09/10/2020 09:42

No fucking way is she a size 8
I’m 5ft 2 and 9 stone, and I’m size 10 most days. On a good day I can squeeze into size 8.

MintyMabel · 09/10/2020 09:43

No way is she a size 8 at 11 stone. More like a size 18.

MulticolourMophead · 09/10/2020 09:50

@buggeroffvirus

Well done for your weight loss. I have had a friend like this who chipped away at my confidence. Take no notice and buy her some size 8 knickers for Christmas.

I like this. She'll never be able to admit she can't get into them.

Chloemol · 09/10/2020 09:53

She’s just jealous, and trying to derail you with donuts etc as she has probably always been that bit smaller than you. You are now more or less her size and still loosing and she will worried she will become the larger one.

You gave a choice, ignore her and start to back away, or every time she mentions it just bite back

amusedbush · 09/10/2020 09:54

I'm 5' 5 and at my smallest as an adult (I struggle with my weight and binge eating so it varies) I was 12 stone and a size 12 in pretty much every shop. I was told on MN that I was lying and there was no way I could be a size 12 at that height and weight, but I was exercising obsessively, I have quite a broad frame and I promise you all of my clothes were a size 12!

I know it depends on where you carry your weight and how much muscle you have but a size 8 is really small. I'd be surprised if your friend was genuinely a size 8 - it sounds like she's trying to sabotage you and put you down because you losing weight makes her feel bad about herself.

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/10/2020 10:08

Yes, she is trying to make you feel shit. Is she a work colleague?

It's harder to dodge/avoid someone at work, which I would if she was a friend from outside work. She's not a friend either way as she is letting her own feelings about excess weight override how she should be responding to you. If my friend was trying to lose weight and managed to, I would be pleased for them even if I hadn't lost any myself. My weight is my problem and shouldn't affect my mate, it's not her problem!

I'd try to stay civil as much as I could, ignoring her without being overtly rude, but the sabotage doughnut type thing would annoy me immensely and I'd have no difficulty in binning it. In fact I would relish that opportunity to prove to myself that my "friend" has no power over me and that I have the strength to zap that shit and not let her wreck my goals...

Well done on your weight loss OP, you can shrug off this woman I'm sure. You've got the measure of her now!

TheGirlWithAPrince · 09/10/2020 10:20

I would be rethinking this friendship as sounds like jealousy.

Im 5 ft 3 and used to be 11 stone and was size 12-14 there is no way 11 stone is a size 8 unless she Holds it all on her feet! hahaha i would buy her a size 8 something and make her put it on like Hey lets see it on!!!! i want to see what it looks like Etc Haha oh i would pay to see that.

AriesTheRam · 09/10/2020 10:30

Shes lying.Im 11 stone and 5ft 10 and a 12!

dizzycatdance2 · 09/10/2020 10:56

Oh,oh next time you meet bring her a present of a size 8 coat ! (Tags on)
She'll be happy to try in on so you make sure it fits won't she ???

Buuuutttt I expect you'll hear "it won't fit over my jumper, ill try it on later"

P.s. she's jealous

ChronicallyCurious · 09/10/2020 10:57

Everyone is different and everyone’s fat sits differently but I struggle to see how at that height she is a size 8 at 11 stone. I’m 5 ft 11 and I’m 11 stone and a size 8-10 and that is purely because I have a large amount of muscle. Before I started working out years ago I was a similar weight and a size 14.

I think she’s bitter because you’ve always been her bigger friend and subconsciously that always made her feel better about herself and smaller in comparison. She’s jealous.

dizzycatdance2 · 09/10/2020 10:57

Aaggghh , seems I have the same idea as pp

Flip

1 2 3