Why am I the one in hospital?

[FourPlasticRings]

Warning;l: Self-indulgent whiny post ahead.

Maybe it's the early hour, the afterpains or the stitches but I'm finding myself sitting here in hospital, with 36 hours left to go until I can leave with baby (baby needs antibiotics) wondering why the hell I'm the one stuck here. Why is it me who gets to have zero sleep tending to DS, having been up basically 48 hours due to labour and with a body in desperate need of rest, while DH goes home and enjoys our lovely bed, getting some proper sleep in? How is that even remotely fair? I want to I be at home, with my lavender bath for my poor perineum and my comfy bedroom which I can turn the lights off for! Sorry to mope, I think I just needed to vent that. Feeling so miserable from sleep deprivation and quite alone.

It’s not fair OP- moan away, every right too! Until you’ve been through it, you can’t fathom the sheer hell of giving birth with no time to recover. I swear when I was born the midwives took me away to give my mum a nights rest...god the 80s sounds good!
Make sure you tell your husband all that you need once home, don’t lift a finger!

Ahh no! Sounds very painful! Well done & Congratulations on the baby!
I had to stay for a five days and felt exactly the same. My DH got to go home and sleep and rest and I had to stay in hospital with screaming baby, no sleep and lots of pain. Soooo unfair, isn’t it.
Hopefully it’ll go quickly for you, make sure DH is prepared to take over when you get back, give him some chores and shopping to do! Hope your baby feels better soon.

Aww, congratulations on your lovely new baby OP

It’s definitely not fair. I remember my second night in post section, DH and a gang of in laws swooped in to visit, had a quick chat and a cuddle with the baby then fucked off out for a curry. I remember the utter (if maybe a tiny bit hormonally induced) rage.

Make it very clear when you get out you expect him to run around after you for a good few days of R&R to make up for all the sleep he’s getting.

It is shit.

Dh went home from the hospital afterer dd1 was born, sat up and had a few celebratory beers and then moaned the next day he was tired 😡

He obviously did cop onto himself as we had dd2 and we're still married but that comment after dd1 was born made me give it to him both barrels.

Thank you @OnlyFoolsnMothers and @Suzi888. Five days is horrendous, Suzi!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers it's really awful of me, but they will take DS down for his antibiotics shortly and I'm not allowed to go with him due to COVID. Though I do feel really sorry for him, I'm looking forward to the respite, even though it'll only be ten minutes or so. We've gone back to eighties style visiting hours- maybe newborn nurseries wouldn't be such a bad thing to reintroduce? I can only have one visitor (DH) for two hours a day so there's not much to be had by the way of respite there! I need to sleep sometime.

Thanks @DowntonCrabby and @ReefTeeth. Glad your DH managed to cop on to himself, Reef.

@DowntonCrabby I don't think I could forgive the curry!

“ I swear when I was born the midwives took me away to give my mum a nights rest.” Ahh that would’ve been bliss I found the ward so noisy I couldn’t sleep at all, honestly felt exhausted when I left. That first day/night home was bliss.
Ask your DH to bring you some nice food? I hated the hospital grub and looked forward to my concealed bag of junk food and chocolate.

Ask your DH to bring you some nice food? I hated the hospital grub and looked forward to my concealed bag of junk foodblush and chocolate.

A very good shout, thank you.

Post natal wards are just hideous! No wonder you're feeling glum. Xx

I second the food parcels, it makes a difference being able to have something you've chosen

Also, afterpains are properly shit too. Your body has been through the mill enough by giving birth then you're hit with even more pain. Do you have decent pain relief? Don't be afraid to ask for some

I'm sorry OP, that sounds really tough.

I'm 36 weeks, anticipating needing a short postnatal stay and at my hospital you are allowed no visitors postnatally. None. Because of COVID. Honestly I'm really really worried about it.

I was stuck in hospital for almost a week when I had DD. She was in special car and I was in recovery. Worst week of my life. you have my sympathy

Wail away all you like, that sounds atrocious.

But it will pass and then DH can make it up to you and you and baby will be home soon :)

Also, afterpains are properly shit too.

Amen to that. You'd think the body would give us a break before starting up with them, but no....

@Emelene no visitors! 😱 I'm living for visiting o'clock this afternoon at the moment. Any chance it'll change? Mine only started having visitors a week or so ago.

Completely understandable OP, the only silver lining is that you husband will be well rested and when you come out of hospital he can wait on you habd and foot! I too had the resentment after a very long labour and too many stitches to count, but when I finally got home at least one of us was functioning and it meant I could lay in bed for 2 weeks while he ran about jobbing!

I remember cryin when my husband went home. I begged him to come back. And I wanted everyone to come and see the baby so I could sleep for a while , while someone else looked after my the baby.

But. I gave birth on Xmas eve. And on Xmas day everyone was off having a Christmas. I asked to go home on Xmas day. They let me. But no one came to see or help me as they were all off having their Xmas dinners together. Never felt so lonely.

That sounds truly rubbish. Although from an infection point of view it makes sense, the ban on support visitors in hospitals (and care homes) is cruel to patients. I was in five days for DD1... One of the deciding factors for DD2 being a home birth. And that was with all day visiting, maternity assistants, decent food... (Private hospital abroad)
Hope you get some sleep soon.

Ah god it’s the worst. I was in three days with Dd3 and hardly slept. Long lonely nights in pain. It’s the fucking pits.

I made friends with the woman at the side of me and honestly if it wasn’t for her I don’t know what I’d done. We were both in a bad way through different issues and we trauma bonded Were still friends today!

You have my sympathy OP, labour, birth and recovery was the reason I stopped having any more.

I remember the same OP. I was just utterly, utterly exhausted, and still in lots of pain. I wanted to sleep somewhere quiet. I really didn't want DH to leave.

When the hospital staff presented me with a plain jacket potato - not even buttered, the size of a chickens egg for my dinner I nearly cried. I'd not eaten for 36 hours and what I had eaten before that I'd vomited back up. And despite giving birth at 9am, I had missed breakfast, and lunch and that was my dinner. My only 'proper' meal came after I'd been discharged and DD was in the car seat ready to go. I sat back on the bed and ate the lot!

Get your DH to bring food!
And congratulations for when you're home and can enjoy your baby in peace!

I honestly think this kind of thing is what leads to such high levels of PND. It’s not really depression, it’s sheer exhaustion. We are expected to birth a baby (which can be long and traumatic especially the first time) then stay up with it from then on trying to get it to feed etc. I remember being so knackered day 3 I was hallucinating, easily mistaken for some kind of psychosis. DH took the baby for 8 hours, sent me to bed and even gave a bottle of formula. I picked up breast feeding again the next day, and felt human again!

Try to get some sleep as soon as you get home OP, your mental health is so important.
Congratulations on your baby, hope you both get home soon

Congratulations!

The good news is your DH is going to be nice and rested ready to wait on you hand and foot for a few days when you get home so you can rest

It’s so incredibly hard and it feels never ending I was in for a week, as had to have transfusions, then DD dropped too much weight. I thought I was going crazy from a lack of sleep. We were on limited visitors due to the norovirus.

Echo what a PP said, DH will be well rested and able to wait on you (and run you a lovely deep lavender bath). Echo also the suggestion that he brings you something lovely in to eat and stocks up on treads for when you get home

No one ever gets to sleep properly in hospital.

Just focus on baby soon being ok to leave and then you can go home and get your DH to do some top quality caring of you.

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby.

Oh OP I really, really feel for you. When I had DD1 I was in for 11 days - 5 days before and 6 days after. By the time I got home I had PND and I honestly think the sheer exhaustion and the hellscape that is maternity wards was a huge contributing factor. When I had DD2 I practically forced them to let me go home the next day (after a section). My mum’s generation always say thing like ‘oh it’s awful these days, you give birth and they just chuck you out the hospital the next day’ and I’m thinking ‘no, no, we want to go home - it’s not like the good old days when someone comes and takes your baby away so you can have a rest!’
It’s awful, puts me off having a third. I would also say get lots of snacks in - the 40 or so hours I spent in with DD2 (awake the whole time) I snacked on chakri rice sticks and they kept me alive.

I think I must have had it easy with an EMCS! I remember the midwife syringing colostrum from me then taking DD to feed her while I slept. And for the first 12 hours I had to ring the midwives if she cried / needed changing because I'd had a spinal. It was amazing! It was only 7 years ago.