Why am I the one in hospital?

[FourPlasticRings]

Warning;l: Self-indulgent whiny post ahead.

Maybe it's the early hour, the afterpains or the stitches but I'm finding myself sitting here in hospital, with 36 hours left to go until I can leave with baby (baby needs antibiotics) wondering why the hell I'm the one stuck here. Why is it me who gets to have zero sleep tending to DS, having been up basically 48 hours due to labour and with a body in desperate need of rest, while DH goes home and enjoys our lovely bed, getting some proper sleep in? How is that even remotely fair? I want to I be at home, with my lavender bath for my poor perineum and my comfy bedroom which I can turn the lights off for! Sorry to mope, I think I just needed to vent that. Feeling so miserable from sleep deprivation and quite alone.

It sucks doesnt it. I too had to stay in and was exhausted. With my second baby he cried if I put him down from 8pm-4am. I'd given birth at 5am that day. So when my partner left at 7 pm I hoped to go to sleep for a couple of hours. Then feed him. Then sleep for a couple of hours again. But I ended up exhausted and trying to get this tiny new baby to sleep. You really do need support on the first night. It makes all the difference to how quickly you recover.

Urgh I feel your pain.

DC2 had such bad tongue tie, he couldn't latch properly so spent his first night screaming (and hungry )

I hadn't slept for nearly 3 days at that point. I ended up asking a midwife to hold him for '1 minute whilst I went to the bathroom' and ended up sneaking back into bed and going to sleep for a few hours.

I woke up to find the midwife sat on the end of the bed holding DS and looking a bit pissed off but at that point I honestly didn't care and I felt so much better for it!

Congratulations on your new baby, I hope you are both home safe and sound soon!

The only plus point I can think of is that if you can't have visitors neither can anyone else. Other people's visitors are a total pain.

@Emelene just to say I had my daughter at the start of May when hospitals were in full lockdown, so DH could only stay 2 hours after birth and then couldn't come back until the time we were ready for collection. Even then he had to wait at the main door to the hospital with the car seat and a midwife took us out for a handover.

I stayed in 2 nights and 2 days (had daughter at 8pm Monday and discharged 5pm Wednesday) and actually the no visitor thing, you just get on with it. I took the time to get to know her, staff were good and attentive and knew how hard it was on us.hopefully things will change where you soon.

Only thing I would say is if you are likely to use FaceTime, remember earphones. Two people who were on the ward when I was had none so I was treated to full volume conversations and I'm sure the people the other end didn't realise we could all hear them! (Some of it was like listening to an episode of Eastenders)

Aw you poor thing. There's no visiting at all even for partners on the postnatal ward in my hospital, it is really tough. Have you tried begging for a side room?

Remember to try and see the big picture. This bit feels like forever but it isn't. It is a few days out of your whole lives together.

Going forward, keep an eye on your mood and how you are bonding with dc. Crappy experiences like this can predispose to PND. Hopefully all you need is a nights sleep at home, but please do keep an eye

Oh OP I sympathise entirely!!! I had an emergency c-section after developing sepsis during labour so me and the baby had to stay in for 2 nights so we could both have a course of antibiotics. It was absolute hell trying to establish breastfeeding whilst in agony and staff that were often too slow or too busy to respond to my needs! IT’S REALLY SHIT!

That’s really rubbish but at least your dh can visit. I was in with mine for 4 days in lockdown with no visitors at all 🙁 was horrible and the care was very poor so that didn’t help either. People told me to look at it as bonding time with your baby with no one else interfering. That did help a little bit to think of it like that. This time will fly and will soon be a distant memory x

Feel for you op... Is there a bath on the ward which dp could bring you some lavender in for while he stays with baby.
I loved the deep bath I had after DD was born I remember it well.

Those places are living hell. Loud, bright and horrible. I discharged myself as I didn't sleep a wink for three nights after my c-section. Also my bed was next to the ward bin with a metal lid and people clanged it shut all night. I feel so bad for you.

I was very lucky when DS was born. Both the hospital he was born in and the one I was transferred to for recovery were private en-suite rooms so at least I could turn off the light (the second hospital I was the only woman in so no noise) and the midwives did take him overnight so I could sleep. People in the town joke that it's a hotel dressed as a hospital. I really think maternity care in hospitals needs to be better. You're never more vulnerable than when you've given birth so why should you have to lie in a noisy bright ward with umpteen other people and lots of babies?? Post birth needs peace surely

It’s proper shit, isn’t it?

When I was in having DS he wouldn’t let me put him down for longer than 10 mins so I could sleep. I remember deliriously buzzing for a MW and when she came in I said incredulously “This baby keeps crying!” as if that was a totally weird thing for a 8 hour old infant to be doing. He was DC2 so I didn’t even have the excuse of being unprepared!

I’ll never forget waking up the morning after he was born with rock hard boobs, absolutely soaked in milk as it had come in overnight and my after pains starting. Felt like I’d been hit by a bus.

At least DH could take over and let me sleep during visiting though, which is obviously not an option right now. I would be laying the ground work with him now to let him know what when you get home you will need time and rest in order to recover quickly. So while he’s getting a few nights sleep now it’s in preparation for you both coming home when he’s really going to need to step up.

Haven't read the full thread OP but you have my total sympathies.

I was in for 5 days with DD and once she'd been fed a million times, the midwives did put her in the room behind the nurses bay where they played white noise and gave me 4hrs sleep.

So when I went in with DD 2 years later I requested the same thing and they took him for 2 or 3hours. You should ask, you never know!

This was a Cambridgeshire hospital in 2010 so the rules might have changed now!

@Kayjay2018 - thank you for your story. I'm glad the inpatient stay was alright for you. It is still the same at my hospital, dads kicked out a few hours after birth and collect you outside when you are discharged. The maternity unit is in quite a small old building (due to be knocked down at some point) and they have said they don't have space for social distancing if partners were allowed on the ward. So I can't see it changing particularly with rising cases.

I'm hoping it will be okay for me and a short admission. I hope you managed to get some rest OP and that your DH can cheer you up when he visits.

I feel your pain. I had to stay in week in July as dd needed antibiotics. I wasn't allowed any visitors at all and couldn't leave my room (thankfully was moved to a private room). Luckily all my midwives were lovely and I had a a tv on the wall and good phone signal. The biggest thing I missed was a decent cup of coffee! Hope you get out soon x

Oh god yes it’s awful. Post natal care in this country is hell, it definitely contributed to PND for me.
Make your husband come in with good snacks and magazines today. And make him take the baby for the full two hours while you have a nap/ have a shower/ sit and cry into a giant bag of Doritos etc. Whatever you fancy x

Ugh. Post natal wards are awful. I stuck sanitary pads to the strip lights above my bed to make it darker. Hope you get home soon.

Right there with you OP! 40 hrs of contractions, an episiotomy and tear and somehow I am the one having to shuffle a cot in to the toilet at 3am to try to wee and mop up blood!

My aunt was a midwife (worked in multiple cities/countries from 1980s onwards) and the way she tells it they used to basically take the babies for the first 24 hrs to give the mothers a chance to rest. She says they also used to give first feeds (formula, sugar water) during this time which I suspect many would be very against now. But it certainly seems more humane for the mother.

She was also really shocked I had to self-serve breakfast from a station all the way down the corridor.

Hang in there you will be home soon and I hope your DH will help you get the rest you need to recover. Breakfast in bed for at least a week!

It's not fair at all! Congratulations to you though!!!

I was in active labour for 29 hours then had an EMCS so was a bit tired! DH went home and had a couple of drinks with his parents to celebrate and was 2 hours late coming to see me the next day. Because he was tired!!!!

I was ready to kill him

Ah congratulations! Yes, have a moan here, most can relate.
I’ll never forget that first night with the first baby. Lights on full blast, as hot as a furnace, the noise! I was unfortunately beside the recycling bins and I had been asleep about 30 mins when the truck came to empty the glass one... I managed to stop myself screaming out the window.
Good shout whoever suggested getting your DH to bring decent food and a bottle of water. And make sure he takes his turn once you are both home safe

Ugh. Post natal wards are awful. I stuck sanitary pads to the strip lights above my bed to make it darker
Genius!

OP I felt the same way after having both my children 😩 I felt so resentful too. Especially this time round during Covid where he was limited to a 1 hour visiting slot! What help could he possibly give in 1 hour?! That's not enough time to shower and get some sleep and they probably wouldn't even need a nappy change in that time.

I really feel for you, it's not easy! Just keep telling yourself that this is temporary. One day it will be a distant memory, hang on in there OP ❤️

Hospitals are noisy places..

While it is Women who endure childbirth {think pushing a Melon through an eye of a needle} it will be us who bear the most discomfort...The Male of the species has no idea.

@actiongirl1978

Haven't read the full thread OP but you have my total sympathies.

I was in for 5 days with DD and once she'd been fed a million times, the midwives did put her in the room behind the nurses bay where they played white noise and gave me 4hrs sleep.

So when I went in with DD 2 years later I requested the same thing and they took him for 2 or 3hours. You should ask, you never know!

This was a Cambridgeshire hospital in 2010 so the rules might have changed now!

They did this for me too when ds was born after an EMCS and I was in for 5 days. I struck lucky (after a horrendous labour and birth) and had a private room so I could turn the lights off and there was no noise, but it was very lonely and isolating.

First night he was in SCBU, the 3rd night they took him away to the nurses station for the night (well a few hours anyway) while I got some sleep.

Both my babies were csec so after my first night in my DH comes waltzing in fresh as a bloody daisy and said you look really tired but I dont know why, I bet its really relaxing here nurses to do everything etc 🙄🙄🙄 second baby and ot turns out my local hospital was trialling having the dads stay the night. DH decided he wants to stay, all fine. The next morning I did take great delight in saying to him exactly what he said to me the time before 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I recently had my appendix out, and the level of care and attention (needed help to get to toilet as not great at working out which way was up) and the nurses in the surgical ward were so much more available and attentive than the staff in the maternity ward overnight (different hospital).

I just had 3 tiny incisions, probably less effect of my core strength than either of my vaginal deliveries and they were so helpful, and decent pain relief as soon as I asked.

Contrast with maternity when I couldn't get baby between me and cot, couldn't sleep because my baby needed to feed all bloody night and chances of pain relief were zero and I'm like how on earth do mums with c sections cope at all!

I was stuck in for me (24h catheter), shunted off to MLU where you're in a 4 bed bay with no natural light because curtains drawn and even less chance of help!