11yo just cannot get to sleep- how to help?

[Montmartre]

My DS has always had difficulty dropping off to sleep (other than as an infant, when he slept well!) and often takes up to an hour to fall asleep.
He's always had an extremely strong bedtime routine, and is pretty good at getting ready and going to bed, but since he went back to school he is falling asleep later and later.
He claims (I can't verify, but probably correct as there are clock chimes where we live) that it is now 1 o'clock when he falls asleep.
He gets up at 6:45 for school, so this is obviously far from ideal, and he's like a corpse in the morning poor thing.

He used to have anxiety when younger, and didn't sleep with that, but I know him well, and he is not anxious. He has changed schools and gone to secondary now, but the change in routine has been minimal- they are in one classroom all day, teacher comes to them, so not getting stressed and lost wandering round a big new environment. He was also very glad to go to secondary, and is quite mature for an 11yo, and ready to move up. The school day is also 30 minutes shorter than he is used to, and there are no extra-curricular activities at present, so he's not struggling with the changes.

He has good 'sleep hygiene' in that no screens/phones before bed, dark dark room, room is cool and bed is warm etc.

Any ideas on how we can get out of this cycle and get him sleeping well again please?

@Montmartre

ginwithasplashoftonic how do you keep the room dark with YouTube playing please?

They're intended to be used a wind down more. And to get snuggled up with before going to sleep. To relax you.

I think she also does a Spotify playlist type thing/ podcast. Which would be better in a dark room

Saw this & thought of you ✨💫

DS2 went through a similar phase. He's 13 now, and has been so much better since he went through puberty. I wonder whether it was a hormone thing.

He has a lamp by his bed, and a poor of comics. I told him just to read until he felt sleepy and then turn his light off. No official bedtime.

Some nights he just dropped off with the lamp on, but he stopped worrying that he couldn't get to sleep.

Did work for him.

Alexa sleep sounds. They work wonders....I love rain forest and Indian train carriage.

Thank you paintmywholehousepink
That looks like something I'd do myself

Especially corpse pose!

I let him read last night, but I'm not sure he fell asleep particularly early. He has had a slightly later bedtime tonight.

Have you made sure he's not short of magnesium and other vitamins

Sleep is something I really struggle with too. The stress of Covid isn’t helping any of us. One of the things suggested to me, by a HCP, was too keep my eyes open, when you feel tired it is really hard to do, your eyelids feel so heavy eventually you fall asleep. I sometimes takes a natural supplement an hour before bed, if I am having a particularly bad period of not sleeping, not sure if they are recommended for children though, I buy the sleep aid which is natural from Wilko. I hope your DS sleep improves soon.

I had this at 11 too. Stressing about not being able to sleep made it worse. What helped me was an adult saying firmly that it didn’t matter my body would take as much sleep as it needed. Might be nonsense but helped my worries about not sleeping

Holland and Barrett do a black cherry gummy that aids sleep, if he would take that. It's one a day.
A magnesium supplement might help. Instead of chamomile, try lemon balm and oat straw tea. A lavender pillow spray.
A weighted blanket and an audiobook work wonders in here.

Thank you for more responses.

Freeingnora he has a very restricted diet unfortunately, so he is already on a good quality multivitamin/multimineral supplement daily.

I have reassured him that he's not in trouble for not sleeping. I don't want to lie to him mstswift even though he might find comfort in it- he's very astute! He is exhausted, and becoming ever more tired. He does seem to be having sound sleep once he's dropped off though, so that is a good thing.
I might put him in my bed for a few nights and see how things go, but that means DH has to sleep somewhere else (i.e. DS's bed) and that's not ideal for him!

I agree with everyone suggesting fresh air and exercise. It's hard in the winter time with the shorter days, but an easy half hour walk every day can make a huge difference.

Thanks lessstressedhemum I will have a look in H&B at the weekend. He might take a gummy (he used to have gummy vitamins).

Try the calm app - there are loads of nice sleep stories that are very relaxing.

Unfortunately latomatina he's getting fed up of us banging on about that one, and starting to dig his heels in. We do go for an extended ramble at weekends...but he doesn't actually fall asleep any better in the evening
Might have to make it a non-negotiable though.

DD same age has long had trouble sleeping. For something to take, she has a Bach night rescue drop, probably placebo but she does believe it helps and so it does. Often on 3 for 2 in Boots.

She's long had the same audiobook on, I made a playlist so it stops after half an hour though if she's really wakeful she will play it again. She was usually asleep before it finished, in the last year turns it off herself which is a great improvement as shows she can get to sleep unaided.

Agree with everyone saying exercise, and that it's tricky atm. Sometimes I have to take her to the park after dinner for half an hour, she likes the idea of being out in near dark, it appeals to her literary sensibilities so could try selling the idea that way

Cordillera DS loves walking in the dark. But when we finish supper at 8, and I've been up since 5 to run 5k and worked a full day, I am tired, and somewhat annoyed that he wouldn't pop for a walk with me at say 6:30 while the food is in the oven He's being awkward for the sake of it.

I could have written your post. Same issues here! In my search for answers I've read a lot about artificial light and the melatonin link and have become a little obsessed. I have some very unattractive blue light blocking glasses that I use to read with in the evening and they help me feel sleepy. Recently bought some for kids but too early to say if it has helped. One thing I learned recently is that exposure to natural light outdoors early in the morning has a kind of protective effect on how blue light affects you at night time and therefore natural melatonin levels. So getting lots of bright outdoor light early on in the day is supposed to be the best thing you can do for your sleep. A dark room is great for sleep but with modern lighting it is hard to escape the blue light in the hours before bedtime. Also found Mathew walkers book on sleep, fascinating and terrifying in equal quantities. Good luck! I feel your pain