How did you feel when you had your first DC?

[username40583]

This is inspired by how often people on social media seem to act like they are in some sort of happy baby bliss bubble. I know social media is often a fake idealistic glance in to others lives. But for me I found having my first DC a real shock and a lot harder than I realised it would be. I love my DC more than anything but often wonder if I am alone in how I felt at the start?

I found it really tough. First she wouldn't breastfeed, so we gave up and bottle-fed. Then she decided she would breastfeed, so I spent a lot of time feeding her to build my supply back up. She screamed every evening till midnight. I was permanently exhausted. My stitches didn't heal properly.

My second was easier, but I had to have a pretty big transfusion after, so that was tough. She was a crappy sleeper till she was 2.

My third didn't sleep for the first 6 or 7 years. Little sod.

I now have 4 teens at home and find it really easy, and wonder what everyone is making a fuss about

Like I’d been hit by a bus, crotch first. I had a forceps delivery at 1am followed by 2 hours in theatre to be stitched up. My stitches popped after a week and I walked like an old lady using the pram as a Zimmer frame for at least a fortnight.

I totally missed out on the sudden rush of love/utter bliss thing. I cried at least once a day for the first few weeks while wailing ‘what have we done?!’ theatrically, repeatedly asked DH if he felt he’d bonded with the baby as “one of us needs to” and felt like I was looking after her for someone else for at least a month.

She’s nearly 12 weeks now and the light of my life but seeing friends & celebs on social media posting about how they were so in love with DC immediately after birth started the mum guilt and “I’m already doing it wrong” really early for me.

I found it much easier than I thought I would as I had heard all kinds of horror stories. It was actually lovely and I felt very relaxed about everything. I had a really quick and easy labour though so maybe that helped? I was disappointed that I didn't get any time to rest at home though as I was working full time as head of drama at a secondary school and was due to start at leave on the friday, she was born on the wednesday before that. Next time I will finish a bit earlier but now that I have a DD there will be no lazing around sunbathing with a stack of books as I had planned!

Very low. I was married to a military man so I was away from all my family and friends. I was pretty much alone all day every day when he went back to work. I had a difficult birth. We lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't drive so couldn't even go to baby groups. It was incredibly isolating plus DS was a difficult baby.

Complete shock. Emotionally numb (didnt get that whoosh of love) and physically exhausted.

Hit by a bus.
Horrific.
Didn’t get better for 5 years.

Inadequate, not coping, not right, something wrong with the child, everything wrong with me.

The most difficult time of my entire life.

@Llamapolice

Honestly I was walking on air and have never been happier. I'm very mindful that it's not like that for everyone, I was lucky. But it really was the dream for me.

This for me too.

We'd waited 8 years for her and it was bliss.

the four month sleep regression, however

Shell shocked. Under pressure. Anxious. Unsupported.

Blissful for around the first four weeks.
I was 19,
birth was better than I imagined no stitches,
DD instantly took to breastfeeding I remember the midwife doing a home visit and telling me I should be the poster girl for BF as I looked so relaxed feeding her,
DD would just feed and sleep mostly,
my body bounced back really quickly I'd lost weight in pregnancy and had to buy new clothes.

Then I started to get really depressed and anxious. I had constant feelings that I'd done something wrong and damaged DD in some way. I also started having intrusive thoughts which were horrific and I was too scared to tell anyone. As soon as DH went to work I'd just cry. I stopped wanting to go out, put weight on, became obsessed with DD meeting milestones. This went on until DD was nearly 18 months.
She's 20 now and while things are much better now my MH has never completely recovered.

Even now when friends have their first baby they can't just be real and admit it.

Thats a bit unfair isn't it? Maybe they are feeling fine, some people do. It's no reflection on those that have a harder time.

I felt great honestly. I still cried on day 5 but they were happy tears - I was crying about how he was just so cute! Ha ha, I know, vomit.

I felt completely overwhelmed and out of my depth. I was 18, DS ended up in NICU and couldn’t breastfeed so I was trying to express for him. It was horrendous, I didn’t bond with him at all, as pp said when he was born I just didn’t recognise him. I didn’t feel like I loved him for months, just went through the motions of caring for him because I had to.

However 8 years later I now have a 3 week old DD and it couldn’t be more different. I had very low expectations this time around but I did feel that rush of love and so far it has been absolutely blissful. Caring for her is instinctual and I felt like I knew her from the second she was placed into my arms.

I don’t know if it’s being older, not having had a traumatic birth this time, total change in circumstances and having a supportive partner, or that I had very low expectations of myself this time around but my whole experience and feelings are so different and better than I would have ever believed possible before she was born.

I was ill with sepsis I got while in labour and so was my baby so we spent a horrible week in hospital, but once we were home it was lovely. Just me her and the dog. She was an easy baby which was lucky because I was on my own without any family or her father, who left while I was pregnant. I felt like she had been there forever.

It didn't feel real to begin with, had to have an emergency c section. Ds came out not breathing & had to be helped! Coped well & recovered well from c section. Parenting is hard, Ds good child, has his moments with tantrums. Definitely just sticking with one. Very happy as a family of 3

Absolutely horrendous, I literally felt suicidal. Found out my baby had a rare birth defect during pregnancy which he will require an amputation for next year. Also has severe SPD, pre-eclampsia and polyhydramnios so my pregnancy was awful. Was induced at 39 weeks in labour for 5 days where my body wouldn't progress and when I was finally down in delivery they had to inject me to stop my labour as me and my baby were extremely poorly. He was rushed to NICU not long after birth, I wasn't allowed any visitors due to COVID. The first 6-8 weeks were absolute hell (he has colic, reflux and CMPA). He's 11 weeks old now and I've started to feel better, he cries less in the day, he naps abit more etc but I will always feel guilty for not having that 'rush of love' instantly, it took a few weeks to bond with him but now I love him so much my heart could burst!

I had a terrible pregnancy with HG and felt instantly better the moment DD was born. Despite a bad 2nd degree tear, I was on top of the world! I loved having a house full of visitors and taking DD out to family and friends, she was a calm baby and took to breastfeeding easily. I was 37 having DD and had thought I would never be able to have children.
I found it harder after having DS two years later - I had a baby that didn't sleep and a busy toddler. DS was later diagnosed with special needs.

I felt deeply traumatised. I put on a very good front and cried myself to sleep when I was alone. After months of ante natal depression, the love I felt for ds was immense, but the dark side of love - the fear of something happening to him - was overwhelming and that developed into severe post natal anxiety. At the time there was no awareness of either, and I passed the pnd screens. I was convinced that ds would be taken from me if anyone knew how I was feeling, but I was terrified that I would accidentally kill him. I kept having flashbacks to the birth, and to the horrific experience of being stitched afterwards and feeling every stitch. Breast feeding was nightmarish and I worried that he was drinking more blood than milk.

I was 21, and very. very happy to have a baby boy although when I first saw him he wasn't at all like I expected. It was back in the day when mothers stayed in hospital for days, had good food and baby was taken to the nursery at night so I recovered my sleep. Labour was normal-ish 13hours, stitches.

The birth shocked me a bit, and i felt huge responsibility for my baby but the worse part was nearly getting mastitis, constantly waking up with wet nightclothes and the bleeding/pads afterwards. Just all very uncomfortable.

At home he slept well, fed well and was no trouble at all. I had had a baby sister when i was 11 and a baby brother when i was 17, watched my mother and helped a lot so knew the practicalities of the baby care so I'm sure that helped. I know I have been lucky.

I felt like I was on acid for about a week, must have been exhausted and hallucinating. I kept seeing my girls face everytime I looked in the mirror or at family members, it was so weird but definitely that part I remember the most.

It was exhausting. DH went back to work after two weeks. My PIL were an hour away and rarely came. My DM was still working and despite living fifteen minutes away rarely came either. Certainly no one ever took him for a night or walked out with him in the prom to give us a few hours break.
DS fed two hourly day and night. I became lonely and bored. Stopped bf, put him in nursery and went back to work pt at 4 months.

Felt 100% better thereafter.

I was in shock after I'd given birth I'm sure. Didn't feel the love until later. Felt very protective from the instant he was born, but not the overwhelming love.
I kind of knew it would come with time though and it did. Felt slightly cheated as my sisters had both spoken to me about the hormonal love feelings beforehand.

I dare say I was lucky, but I didn’t find it hard at all. Apart from the bloody stitches, I really enjoyed the newborn stage.

I felt awful. I’d wake up and feel that horrible realisation that I was someone’s mum and that my life had completely changed and that I had something dependant on me all the time. I spent a lot of time wishing someone would just take him away and going through the motions and taking care of him because I had to not because I wanted to. It was bad. I’d had a traumatic birth and I think that combined with the reality of looking after a colicky baby was hard for me. It passed. I fell head over heels in love with him after a few hard months. He is 3 now and I wouldn’t change him for the world. I had ds2 18 months later and had the much more stereotypical newborn baby bliss bubble, partly because the birth went smoothly, he was a much easier newborn and I had adjusted to being a mum and it wasn’t such a shock to the system. Ds1 was completely planned and wanted but I guess nothing prepares you for the reality of a baby and it’s a huge adjustment.

It was all I ever wanted.
I had to pinch myself it was real.
I was so happy despite a very difficult birth.

I had great family support too nearby.
I was lucky.

I felt like I’d won the lottery. I fell completely in love.