If I told you I feel like this, what would you say to me?

[Pickypolly]

Professional job, high up, years of experience.
But, for about 6 months feeling:
Paranoid, like they are all talking about how crap I am but no one wanting to tell me.
Waiting to fuck up and make a mistake at any moment,
Undermined, incompetent, questioning about what I’ve done/am doing raises anxiety levels, makes me be defensive.
Overwhelmed with workload, dreading opening emails because I know it’s more work being piled on.
Not sleeping. Physical symptoms...and I have not had a day off sick for about 15 years, so I’m never ever sick.

Stress, imposter syndrome, perhaps depression, maybe overworked.

Wazzocks, they are absolutely fucking everywhere I find.
I tolerate less shite.

You may be peri menopausal, but it sounds to me more like stress. New job, always takes a while to addapt and learn the ropes. You had to change your plans for it due to covid. Have a large workload. Questioning yourself, feeling you may have done something wrong I think comes from having to change things to accomodate new situations, and do your work faster. Less time for planning, and your brain works overtime going through what you just have done searching for mistakes. I bet you you had no time off all this time. And that is wearing to. I do feel like that too.
The paranoia may come from the critic manager you mention. These are times for experienced people. Some times we cannot get things delivered on time, changes are done and revised on the go...

Just ignore the useless criticism and only acknowledge if it does actually apply to the current times. Rest of the time make sure you are unfazed by it in front of the manager. You are the senior, make it felt, make it clear.

Hormones might be contributing , but it sounds more like stressed caused by a toxic work environment.
Not a nice combination!
If your leaving soon, take some time off. Relax and recharge if you can.

do you exercise? do you have a really good HIIT session at all?

what are you eating and drinking?

when was the last time you visited your gp? have you thought about getting a telephone appointment ?

what is your life like outside of work? Hobbes? friends? activities?

those are the things id be asking you

I have these symptoms since I turned 40 but am on the combined pill so that’s stronger than HRT anyway. I have imposter syndrome big style. Sertraline has helped. I do think it is hormonal but not sure I can have any more hormones than the pill.

Wow Mushmonster..nail on the head there!!

As the other poster said, exercise will indeed help. You can get your head clear if you do some HIIT. I do cycling (Peloton style). I end up so tired that my brain finally shuts down and shuts up!
I am a manager too, same boat as you, trying to get all done somehow!

cycling is great medicine & good for the soul. inside or outside its really good for you and especially great for hormones.

To be honest, I lack any energy or motivation for exercise.
I’ve gained 3 stone in the last year through eating rubbish and extreme difficulty shifting weight even with extreme dietary adjustments. Which again points to perimeno.

I’m tired, not sleeping well so just so tired.
Not a lot going for me really.

have you had any blood test to rule anything else out? Being tired and putting on weight can be the sign of other issues apart from menopause. Indeed it maybe your eating habits but it maybe something else underlying so worthwhile ruling anything else out

if other things are ruled out, then if you can get the motivation to exercise then the exercise become much easier - as the more you do the more motivate you are

No, haven’t been anywhere near my GP for years and years.

God I sound a tight barrel of laughs don’t I!!

So I walk, try to walk as much as possible, headphones and good music and I walk for miles.
I did change to plant based diet for about 2 years, felt great, definitely helped with symptoms but did not shift any weight at all.
Calories were restricted to less than 1000 a day for those 2 years but weight remained stable with zero loss.
Since eating “normally”, 3 stone on.

I’m not put off by feeling tired, it’s a chronic poor sleep thing but life has to be done so no matter how tired, I work full time, 2 kids, I crack on.

Not totally useless or unmotivated.
Pffft it is rubbish being a girl.

well its probably best to get a telephone appointment and describe how you're feeling to see if any blood tests might shed any light on it or rule anything out. it could be something simple or nothing at all but if the former there'll be help available

its really the tiredness and weight that could be something or nothing - id run it past your gp - you've got nothing to lose, but the possibility of a solution

You need to see GP and have thyroid checked.

Get GP appointment and stop assuming it’s peri menopause