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Abortion

40 replies

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 10:32

Hello just looking for some advice or anyone in a simular situation. Im 25 years old ive only known my boyfriend 6 months and im 6 weeks pregnant (accidental). He wants me to get rid of the baby and says im stupid for thinking it could work. He is the first person ive ever been happy with but since the pregnancy our relationship has been very stressful. I dont want to loose him or push him away. Ive got a abortion consultation over the phone booked on tuesday but ny guts telling me not to go through with it. I have no idea if he will resent me and walk away ot if he will come round but he has told me he doesnt want this baby.

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 03/10/2020 10:34

Throw this one back OP. What a shit.

Decide what you want to do and do that. If you want an abortion, have one. If you don't prepare to be a single parent. Either way this relationship is over.

Hotwaterbottlelove · 03/10/2020 10:39

This has highlighted that it's not a good relationship. Whatever you decide regarding the pregnancy is separate to the fact that this relationship is over.

tornadoalley · 03/10/2020 10:43

If you want to continue with the pregnancy, be prepared to do it alone. So think carefully about all your housing, financial and work needs first. This man sounds a waste of space, so don't think he will 'come round' any time soon. Personally I would have the abortion while there is still time.

tectonicplates · 03/10/2020 10:45

Don't have an abortion just for the sake of staying with a man. If you do, the chances are you'll still split up later anyway, and then you'll resent him for it.

Do you want the baby yourself?

Bunnymumy · 03/10/2020 10:47

He sounds like an emotionally manipulative cuntwamble op.

Personally I think it might not be great to be tied to him by a child going forwards. But either way, ditch him.

You've known him six months and the last few have been shit. I think sometimes it's a case of 'any port in a storm'. When we've been single for a while or had a string if shitty people, we romanticize 'not as bad'.

Rather than say 'I dont want a kid but its happened now so whatever you choose I will support you' he tells you you are stupid for even considering proceeding. Does that seem like a nice person to you?

I'd bow out now.

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 10:48

Yes i do want the baby but scatrred to end up doing it alone. I rent a room so havent got my own place but i do have a full time job. He isnt a bad person i just believe he isnt ready for a child and its too soon in the relationship.

OP posts:
TabbyCatPaws · 03/10/2020 10:48

Hi OP, I had an abortion in fairly similar circumstances. I was shocked by how vile, manipulative and horrible the man was when I told him I was pregnant.

It was a really hard decision as my heart wanted to keep it but my head knew he would carry on being unsupportive, I didn't have the space/money for another child (already divorced with a child) and I couldn't afford to give up work.

If you continue, your circumstances are likely to be a single parent. Don't assume he will provide much/any help or support. If you feel you can do this and want to then don't let him bully you. Equally if you want to abort then that is also fine.

I did get a lot of sadness from aborting but I also know I wouldn't have coped well mentally or practically with a baby.

Bunnymumy · 03/10/2020 10:51

You will be doing it alone op. He has told you this.
If you want the child then be sure you are prepared to be a single parent. Not that that isn't do-able but...theres a lot to consider.

022828MAN · 03/10/2020 10:51

Make your decision for YOU!

Ron1984 · 03/10/2020 10:56

I’ve been in your situation and you must listen to your heart. If you want this baby you CAN do it on your own. Sending you a big hug

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 10:58

Thankyou for your kind words

OP posts:
Sarahandduck18 · 03/10/2020 11:01

Dont make any decisions based on him.

Regardless of what happens now your relationship will never recover so make a choice based on being on your own going forward.

At 6 weeks could you still get the pill? Would be much easier but gives you less time to make your decision.

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 11:04

I dont want this relationship to be over. But i know i may resent him if i abort my baby. Im trying to make a decision but the longet i leave it the more its messing my head up as its growing inside me. I've heard men can sometimes take ages to come round as its a big shock. I know im hoping for a lot just feel hopeless atm. I know i will lobe this baby regardless. Its just ist not a situation i planned to be in

OP posts:
ComicePear · 03/10/2020 11:13

Don't hope for him to come round OP. You need to make the decision based on the fact that you would probably be a single mum. Sending you Flowers for your difficult choice.

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/10/2020 11:20

Unfortunately it’s over.

If you abort when you don’t want to you’ll resent him. It will be something that festers.

If you don’t abort he’ll resent you.

You have to do what you want to regardless of his involvement. Contraception is not 100% so it’s not your fault or negligence.

TabbyCatPaws · 03/10/2020 11:58

OP i agree with PP. If you abort you will resent him, even if you try not to.

If you keep it then you know he isn't a nice person and he will continue to resent you and not be nice. If you're hoping he will suddenly become a doting partner then you're likely to be heartbroken.

The man I was with kept seeing me for a few weeks after the abortion (to be nice Hmm ) then I never heard from him again. When I look back I know it would have been an awful life stuck with him being the unwilling father of an unplanned child.

As pp say, the relationship is over. I was also told this and it was true.

Do whatever is best for you, or least worst.

MsEllany · 03/10/2020 12:16

Your relationship is already over.

I’m sorry to be harsh, but it’s the truth. If you keep the baby, he’s telling you he won’t be there. If you don’t keep the baby, because of him, you will forever resent that.

It is your body your choice. You need to make a decision based on what is best for you, not him. If you decide an abortion is for the best, do it for you and because it’s best not to bring a baby into an uncertain future. You need a little bit of head in this decision, not just heart.

Flowers
Dee96 · 03/10/2020 12:34

I'm not too sure if you've posted something like this before op, but if you have I think that's a clear indication that you already know what is the right thing by you and what you want, you dont need strangers on the internet to tell you otherwise.

I dont want to inflict my experience on you but I'll tell you in the hope that it will help give you. I was once in your shoes, other than we had been dating for 3 months not 6. He did the exact same thing, wanted an abortion, told me it was best, I felt so unsupported and confused. I was too scared to do it on my own, I was only just 22 at the time and had nothing to offer a baby let alone myself. I had the abortion, relectuantly telling myself it was for the best. Let me tell you, a whole year on and even though I'm pregnant again my abortion has to be the biggest regret of my life. After I had it my partner expected us to remain as normal, but I couldn't. Everyone swept my abortion under a rug and it became the elephant in the room, everyone knew but no one mentioned it. And I came to the realisation that was because it affected nobody other than myself. Not even my partner was grieving like I was, infact he seemed quite happy to be over that part of his life and move on, never speaking of it again. Whilst it silently ate me up inside and got in the way of mental health. I lost jobs and people over it and most importantly abit of myself and my baby. I still suffer alone to this day, I silently grieved the anniversary of my abortion, wonder how old he/she would of been and even carry the guilt of my actions into my now pregnancy, wishing that I had been stronger to stand up for myself and my then baby, wishing I had been strong enough to have been able to bring them into the world. I'm not saying you will undergo all of this of course, this is a very personal experience. And I'm not saying this to scare you either, but I hope it shed some perspective for you on how things could possibly play out and I say this only because its very clear you dont want to go ahead with this and I wish someone could of shown me what my future held before I went down that route. It is naive for your bf to think your relationship will be the same or even survive this, yes it's not what he wants but by pushing that on you he is forcing you into something YOU dont want either. For someone that you barely know I wouldn't say it's worth putting that person first. Not when you are the one that will have to live with the consequences, be it good or bad. I really wish the best for you op as I know how hard this situation is. But trust me when I say no matter what if you decide to have this baby there is plenty of help out there, you wont be alone, it can be done so dont feel like you cant consider it. Also dont rush into anything or put pressure on yourself, if your still unsure call of the appointment on tuesday and give yourself time to breathe. If I was you I'd even give myself space from the partner, as he will only reinforce what you dont need to hear for his own selfish benefit. You need time for you, to sort yourself out even if that's just a couple of days or a week. Get your head together, figure out how you would do things if you go ahead and how you would do things if you dont. Please dont make any rash decisions x

Aquamarine1029 · 03/10/2020 12:36

This relationship is over no matter what you decide. You just have to figure out if you can handle being a single mother.

BlueJag · 03/10/2020 13:22

If you get an abortion it's a package deal. He has to go too unless you also want to terminate and it's your decision.

Chasingclouds100 · 03/10/2020 14:06

Hope you are ok. Reading your post took me back 20 years when I was in the exact same position as you. I got pregnant by accident (I was in the pill) my partner and I had been together for 3 years but not living together. I wanted to keep the baby, in fact I was desperate to but he didn’t want the baby he demanded I had an abortion and told me if I didn’t have one he would finish with me and not ever see our child. I begged with him to let us keep the baby but he was adamant. I didn’t want to lose him so at 10 weeks pregnant I had an abortion which was done under general anaesthetic. The procedure back then was quite grim and the psychological scars still effect me now however I believe there is a pill option now, which might be a bit less invasive. After the abortion I couldn’t forgive my partner for putting me through such an ordeal and I resented him a great deal. A few months later we split up - my decision, I hated him for forcing me in to an abortion and our relationship became very ugly. 5 years after the abortion I met somebody who truly loved me and we now have 2 beautiful children. Being pregnant with someone who wanted children as much as me was amazing, so different to my previous first pregnancy. Every year on the anniversary I get sad but I am happy in my life now. You have to do what is best for you, it is your decision - don’t let anybody force you in to something you dont want to do. I hope all goes well for you whatever you decide, if you ever want to chat I am here - sometimes better to talk to a stranger! Sending hugs xx

EmbarrassedUser · 03/10/2020 15:09

You’ll be on your own one way or the other @Brii94 You just need to decide whether you want to be on your own with a baby or on your own completely. Bear in mind that if you keep the baby, he’ll always be in your life in some capacity. The main thing is that it’s your body, your choice 💕

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 15:56

That was very personal im sorry to hear you went through all of that and it made you feel so low nobody deserves that. I think i know deep down i want to keep the baby your right x

OP posts:
Brii94 · 03/10/2020 16:01

@Chasingclouds100 thabkyou for sharing such a personal story. Im really sorry you went through that. Your right it is really hard. Just want him to change his mind but i know he won't. Im in no rush just want to know whats best i will defo resent him if i get rid and probally resent myself xx

OP posts:
Dee96 · 07/10/2020 11:17

Just wanted to check up op and see how your doing Flowers