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Abortion

40 replies

Brii94 · 03/10/2020 10:32

Hello just looking for some advice or anyone in a simular situation. Im 25 years old ive only known my boyfriend 6 months and im 6 weeks pregnant (accidental). He wants me to get rid of the baby and says im stupid for thinking it could work. He is the first person ive ever been happy with but since the pregnancy our relationship has been very stressful. I dont want to loose him or push him away. Ive got a abortion consultation over the phone booked on tuesday but ny guts telling me not to go through with it. I have no idea if he will resent me and walk away ot if he will come round but he has told me he doesnt want this baby.

OP posts:
Tootletum · 07/10/2020 11:23

All the best, it's a big decision. I am very close to someone who was in a similar situation, although as she was a student it was I guess the added pressure of not graduating. She got the abortion to save her future career, but in the end she didn't do a job she couldn't have done with a baby anyway. So she has regretted it all her life. It's impossible to know what the alternative path would have been though. Maybe she'd have regretted being tied down by a baby so young too.

Figgygal · 07/10/2020 13:38

Honestly I would be considering what was the best for any future child in this circumstance it does not sound like your relationship will last so can you successfully provide for a child at the moment, what support do you have in place to help you, can you afford it?

Holiday21plea · 07/10/2020 13:44

It’s difficult to say what you should do OP. Did you want kids in the next couple of years? Did you have travelling or studying you wanted to do before having kids?
Have you got a good family support network as this helps massively!

I would base the decision on what you want because you wouldn’t have to have an abortion based on the hope of your relationship lasting with your current partner.

Brii94 · 08/10/2020 07:21

@Dee96 thankyou, im ok not much has changed. Ive changed my consultation to this monday to speak about options. He hasn't bt came around and im still in 2 minds x

OP posts:
Brii94 · 08/10/2020 07:25

Ive always wanted children and apart from the pregnancy/birth bit i would say i know what im doing. Ive worked in a nursery for over 3 years with babys from 3 months to 2 years old. I would say id rather have gotten pregnant once in a stable long term relationship and when/if i had a house ect. So not ideal. But i do have great friends and a full time job. I dont get along with my family at all apart from family members who live hours away x

OP posts:
NeonGenesis · 08/10/2020 07:26

Step 1 here is to ditch this boyfriend. Your relationship is over. Step 2 is to make a decision on the pregnancy. Make the decision that is right for you, it doesn't matter what he says

ginnybag · 08/10/2020 11:38

As others have said, make your decision for you.

Any man actually worth you considering in this scenario would be supporting you to make that choice, not issuing ultimatums. By not doing this, he's told you who he is - someone who's great for a casual relationship, but no good long term. He won't support you here, he won;t support you with life's other challenges later (and there are always challenges). He's a deadweight, not a real partner.

Decide whether or not you want to be a mother right now. That's the choice that's important. Walk away from him regardless - you can do better.

Dee96 · 08/10/2020 12:37

OP I'm afraid if your waiting to base your decision around your bf coming to with this you'll be setting yourself up for a dead end and disappointment. He has made it clear to you how he feels and shown his true colours, you need to make this choice for you and only you now with the mentality of being a single mum if you keep your pregnancy. On paper from the way you've wrote things it doesnt sound like you have a bad setup to bring a baby into your life at all, it actually sounds quite manageable as I'm sure your friends will be a good support system . Unfortunately we cant time these things, everyone has an idea of how we want life to but most of the time it doesnt pan out that way and if theres one thing I will stress to you is to try not to place such a heavy weight decision on your current temporary position. When I went through my abortion I allowed alot of external factors to equate my decision for me, such as living conditions ect, only to find a couple months later everything changed it and that made it harder to accept my choice. Remember op men come and go. A baby is yours, and stays with you through thick and thin. If your making this choice to save your relationship as pp have said it's gone past that point I'm afraid. And to be honest do you really want to be with someone that is pushing you into something you dont want, keeping in mind he played half of the responsibility here, instead of supporting you no matter what and owning up to the consequences of his own actions. I really hope you dont whats best for and as I said before dont let anyone make this choice for you. What I did as well was went for the scan at the abortion clinic. Not saying this holds all the answers, especially since your in such a vulnerable position and your emotions are all over the place so they arent the most trustworthy right now, but one thing I tried was to test my reaction to actually seeing the pictures in the hope it would help me get even the slightest insight as to if I was comfortable to go ahead with it or not. It may make things harder for you it may not. Just a thought though. Either way I wish you good luck for monday and hoping you'll get some clarity into your situation soon x

Brii94 · 16/10/2020 22:01

@Dee96 thankyou for all your kind words ive found the strengh to carry on and im keeping my baby. Im now 8 weeks xx

OP posts:
Dee96 · 18/10/2020 10:24

I'm happy for you op! You've managed to remain head strong during such a difficult situation and make the right/best decision for you. I'm glad my posts came of some help to you, and I'm wishing you and little one all the best of luck and a smooth pregnancy. Your already proving to be such a strong person and good mum, you've got this x

Ellmau · 18/10/2020 10:35

Congratulations and good luck. It's not going to be easy but I'm sure you'll be a great mum.

Ron1984 · 18/10/2020 11:33

I’m so happy for you too. You can do this.

Brii94 · 25/10/2020 17:25

Thankyou everyone for kind words and advice x

OP posts:
Candlebee · 08/02/2021 19:07

Mine was a medical TOP, 6 weeks 6 days pregnant. Was a shock to find out I was nearly 7 weeks as I'd had my 'period' in between and took morning pill-Ella One- on time (BIG FAIL!!!! It was during ovulation, I've learnt my lesson and I'm so sorry embryo, my fault) .

I was so scared and as much as I tried not to read people's experiences online that's all I could do and think until D Day.
Called Bpas but I'd have to wait until 9 weeks for an ultrasound (I've got fibroids, bladder issues and abdominal pain usually so they couldn't just send pills over post). I could not wait until 9 weeks, no way. So, decided to go private in London, The Gynae Centre, same day appointment, ultrasound and the pills. Not cheap but I needed to do it ASAP otherwise I wouldn't cope mentally and physically with my bladder problems.

Had the consultation, not great, don't recommend as I learnt more from reading online than the info they gave me at the consultation. Very basic, not even asked me allergies etc anyways, just wanted the ultrasound and the pills (genuine) ...

To the procedure: had the 1st pill , felt a bit nauseous and started light bleeding a few hours later with mild abdominal cramps. Next morning my heart was racing and I called the clinic as well as 111. It was all nerves and they reassured me.
27 hrs later I inserted 4 x misoprostol and took 1x 500/30 cocodamol. 20 mins into it started feeling pulling and squeezing in my uterus but no pain. 3 1/2 hours had moderate abdominal cramps and moderate bleeding, just felt like the start of a crampy period when you feel the need to grab an ibuprofen but not too bad, could still joke a bit in between.
Took another 1x cocodamol and went to the loo to change my sanitary towel. As I sat down on the loo a shapeless small lime sized clot passed, not painful at all just a weird feeling of something coming down. Seconds later something else slipped down as well, a bean shaped thing, not painful at all. I knew then I'd passed as it just looks different than a clot and it's off whitefish and I was soooo pleased at how easy and manageable was in terms of pain. Every 2 hrs I went to the toilet to change my sanitary towel not because it was flooded but I wanted to keep an eye on bleeding and keep it as clean as possible. Moderate bleeding for 2 days, light bleeding for 1. 1 /2 week, and now 2 weeks ish later brown spotting. Had TV US today as follow up at the clinic, no pregnancy, all tissues gone, just a bit of fluid but that should subside over time. Pregnancy test negative.

I feel so blessed it was not bad at all!!! I had this image in my mind of lemon sized clots, excessive bleeding, excruciating pain and a visit to A&E. None of that, it was all straightforward, thank God.
My advice: take each minute as it comes, it might not be bad at all. Take your painkillers as instructed but eat properly that day just in case you won't manage to eat later. Keep well hydrated at all times, I drank plenty of coconut water. The more I bled the more I drank. Had iron supplements for the first 2 weeks.
Get night time sanitary towels, hot water bottle (I didn't need it much).
Bpas and Marie Stopes websites have A LOT of useful info such as when to worry, and even pics and videos of what level of bleeding in a sanitary towel should look like, great support through just reading it.
Have someone with you.
Lastly, don't feel alone. We, who have been through it, we know how you feel... and we are with you in soul ❤️ I can only thank to all the entries here who had great advice, and also prepared me for the worst should it happen. I felt prepared for battle! Ready to deal with whatever was to come. Be brave... And try your best not to put yourself through this again. I never say never BUT... Hey, never again. NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!! Mine was a medical TOP, 6 weeks 6 days pregnant. Was a shock to find out I was nearly 7 weeks as I'd had my 'period' in between and took morning pill-Ella One- on time (BIG FAIL!!!! It was during ovulation, I've learnt my lesson and I'm so sorry embryo, my fault) .

I was so scared and as much as I tried not to read people's experiences online that's all I could do and think until D Day.
Called Bpas but I'd have to wait until 9 weeks for an ultrasound (I've got fibroids, bladder issues and abdominal pain usually so they couldn't just send pills over post). I could not wait until 9 weeks, no way. So, decided to go private in London, The Gynae Centre, same day appointment, ultrasound and the pills. Not cheap but I needed to do it ASAP otherwise I wouldn't cope mentally and physically with my bladder problems.

Had the consultation, not great, don't recommend as I learnt more from reading online than the info they gave me at the consultation. Very basic, not even asked me allergies etc anyways, just wanted the ultrasound and the pills (genuine) ...

To the procedure: had the 1st pill , felt a bit nauseous and started light bleeding a few hours later with mild abdominal cramps. Next morning my heart was racing and I called the clinic as well as 111. It was all nerves and they reassured me.
27 hrs later I inserted 4 x misoprostol and took 1x 500/30 cocodamol. 20 mins into it started feeling pulling and squeezing in my uterus but no pain. 3 1/2 hours had moderate abdominal cramps and moderate bleeding, just felt like the start of a crampy period when you feel the need to grab an ibuprofen but not too bad, could still joke a bit in between.
Took another 1x cocodamol and went to the loo to change my sanitary towel. As I sat down on the loo a shapeless small lime sized clot passed, not painful at all just a weird feeling of something coming down. Seconds later something else slipped down as well, a bean shaped thing, not painful at all. I knew then I'd passed as it just looks different than a clot and it's off whitefish and I was soooo pleased at how easy and manageable was in terms of pain. Every 2 hrs I went to the toilet to change my sanitary towel not because it was flooded but I wanted to keep an eye on bleeding and keep it as clean as possible. Moderate bleeding for 2 days, light bleeding for 1. 1 /2 week, and now 2 weeks ish later brown spotting. Had TV US today as follow up at the clinic, no pregnancy, all tissues gone, just a bit of fluid but that should subside over time. Pregnancy test negative.

I feel so blessed it was not bad at all!!! I had this image in my mind of lemon sized clots, excessive bleeding, excruciating pain and a visit to A&E. None of that, it was all straightforward, thank God.
My advice: take each minute as it comes, it might not be bad at all. Take your painkillers as instructed but eat properly that day just in case you won't manage to eat later. Keep well hydrated at all times, I drank plenty of coconut water. The more I bled the more I drank. Had iron supplements for the first 2 weeks.
Get night time sanitary towels, hot water bottle (I didn't need it much).
Bpas and Marie Stopes websites have A LOT of useful info such as when to worry, and even pics and videos of what level of bleeding in a sanitary towel should look like, great support through just reading it.
Have someone with you.
Lastly, don't feel alone. We, who have been through it, we know how you feel... and we are with you in soul ❤️ I can only thank to all the entries here who had great advice, and also prepared me for the worst should it happen. I felt prepared for battle! Ready to deal with whatever was to come. Be brave... And try your best not to put yourself through this again. I never say never BUT... Hey, never again. NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!!

Coolcatsnkittens · 20/07/2021 19:12

Hi there,

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and am getting a surgical abortion under general anaesthetic at MSI tomorrow. I'm not nervous for the surgery as I have an autoimmune condition which has granted me my fair share of surgeries, but I am nervous about the cannula.

I'm a needle phobe, but I've learned to deal with it as long as I have my "needle routine". I always have cannulas in my arm and after reading that it's put in your hand, I am starting to freak out massively. Can I ask for it to be put in my arm instead? Has anyone else had it in their arm?

Best wishes,

Coolcatsnkittens

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