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Does anyone get tearful or feel down around their birthday?

37 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 02/10/2020 20:48

I turn 40 on Sunday and have felt really down and tearful today. Theres so much hype and expectation and I know I will hate the day itself and the unwanted attention but at the same time il feel sad that some people will have not made the effort. I don't know why I get like this every year although this year is definitely the worsed!!!

OP posts:
weehoo · 02/10/2020 20:51

Yes I get this every year! My birthday is on 31st Aug which I see as the last day of summer and I always feel morose in the days leading up to it. However, after a brush with cancer 3 years ago, I try to be grateful I am still here!

Would you allow me to send you a small present? DM your address if you would like me to send something (I know that's not the point of your post but it would be nice to do this)

Bert2020 · 02/10/2020 20:52

Absolutely! I love others birthdays but hate to be the centre of attention and feel sad at the year that has passed even when it’s been a wonderful year.

Uwemoo · 02/10/2020 20:55

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Wishihadanalgorithm · 02/10/2020 20:58

Ditto. This year my birthday was on the Sunday after VE celebrations and during lockdown. It was raining so I worked in my study all day. I don’t know why I hate my birthday so much!

thesunwillout · 02/10/2020 21:06

I hate mine, early January.
I just don't want to bother, don't want to go out.
I always think everyone else is relieved if a coffee or take away has been achieved.
As for 40, I really didn't like that at all.

beachedwhales · 02/10/2020 21:09

I don't do birthdays, none of my friends or colleagues know when my birthday is.

Dickorydockwhatthe · 02/10/2020 21:10

Oh weehoo how lovely and kind of you but you really don't have to do that what a lovely kind gesture xxx I know it seems silly and I should be great full for my health and life. I really don't know why I get like this. I'm literally in bed sobbing and feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
Gohackyourself · 02/10/2020 21:23

I get this but at Xmas time!! It’s like the marking of another year gone !

I would try to think this though this year...
There’s lots of people who would like to have made it to your age and didn’t, enjoy your life, relish that you have got through one very shitty year Grin

courtwood · 02/10/2020 21:23

Oh Dickorydock ,I know exactly how you're feeling, I turned 50 last week and I cried every day for a week before it and all day on the day itself. I refused to celebrate it and warned DH it was to be just another day. On the day I got a kiss on the forehead and a happy birthday . That was it . I was fine next day and since.
In a way I was relieved but also in hindsight I wish I hadn't been quite so emphatic about not celebrating such milestone birthday.
Happy birthday for Sunday 💐💐

coastergirl · 02/10/2020 21:25

Yep, I hate my birthday. Not sure why, but I get really low.

MoonSauce · 02/10/2020 21:44

I’m 38 on Wednesday coming. I’ve almost never not felt dread, sadness and anger on the run up to my birthday. This year isn’t too bad but that’s because we aren’t allowed to do stuff so I’m not the only one without people about for it. I know there’s more to life than birthdays but I’ve always moved in circles where people fuss their friends or family either with a meal just among family or even giant parties with cool bands and things. Small or big, people always celebrate and Billy no mates. But not this year.

Fyzz · 02/10/2020 21:45

I don't bother much about birthdays, though might think about it on milestone ones.
This year my birthday fell a week after lockdown. I had had the worst year ever, breast cancer then my mum died a couple of weeks before my birthday. I got no presents, not even from DH or adult DC, and one card. It wasn't the greatest birthday but I cant say I cried.

TheBlueStocking · 02/10/2020 21:50

It's Christmas that gets to me. My birthday is ok, although I'm dreading getting older.

I'm getting more and more unwell and unable to do things as the years go on. It sucks

oiboi · 02/10/2020 22:00

I used to feel like this after I got too old for feeling special. But now I use it to voice what I want - nice dinner I choose, no presents from him (I'll buy my own, I know I'll like them and doesn't waste joint account on shite) I expect a card from the littles, a long bath, nice cake. Don't make me do bedtime or homework for 3 nights.

I milk my birthday. I allow him the same, if he opts not to take it, more fool him.

Happy birthfau

silverbubbles · 02/10/2020 22:07

I don't bother much with birthdays and never do anything to celebrate. I think it stems from wondering if anyone will actually remember and feeling self conscious that no one really does.

DappledThings · 02/10/2020 22:18

@beachedwhales

I don't do birthdays, none of my friends or colleagues know when my birthday is.
Same. Not quite nobody knows but fewer and fewer people as time goes on. I get miserable around it but only if I know I have to deal with presents and attention and all that shit.

I thought that I'd been clear with PIL and SIL last year but apparently I hadn't so had some awkward texts this year and it is now 100% clear that I do not want to receive anything or have any acknowledgement of it at all. Knowing that is now sorted I am much more chilled about it.

luckyduckydooda · 02/10/2020 22:33

God I thought I was the only one who felt like this on my birthday- I always get really anxious and tear, too.. it's quite distressing for my dc I think- they always do me some lovely pictures and things- which I'm very appreciative of- but somehow I can't shake the feeling of hating being the centre of attention...

Christmas is fine- it's all about the kids anyway.

Think birthday stress comes down to not having much self esteem and sort of telling myself that I'm not worth all the presents and things...

luckyduckydooda · 02/10/2020 22:34

Teary...

Smellbellina · 02/10/2020 22:35

Yup, hate them, not even sure of my age, have to remember the year of birth and count backwards.
Used to love them!

YewandOak · 02/10/2020 22:42

No,for me it's just another day. Not celebrated it since I left home at 18.

PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2020 22:52

Me. Because for two years in a row, I was supposed to be pregnant and happily expecting on my birthday, but I miscarried three times before my birthday. Now I feel old (mid 30s), childless and utterly miserable.

LindaEllen · 02/10/2020 22:55

I feel like that, and at Christmas, too.

I think it's because although I am happy (most of the time!) with my adult life, I miss the extreme happiness I felt throughout my childhood and most of my teenage years. I miss the excitement I used to feel before my birthday, when everything was about me and my family would come round, and everything about Christmas that was so exciting, bright and hopefully. It was just joyous.

Then things change, you get a taste of life and responsibility. Christmas isn't the same when you're an adult, it's bloody hard work. My parents split when I was 24 so things are quite awkward now. My mum fell out with her brother which (after lots of things happening) means we don't see that side of the family at all. My partner has never really celebrated birthdays and Christmas in the same way I did, so he doesn't understand, and pretty much sees them as another day anyway (though he does like the drinking and partying).

I think I get wistful, thinking how happy I used to be, and how sad it is that I will never, ever feel that carefree happiness like a child feels. But when you're a child - obviously - you don't appreciate it. In fact I specifically remember constantly wishing I was older!

I'm sad because I CAN'T get those feelings back, and I so very much want them. I also get a little bit sad because I'm unlikely to have children of my own. My partner has a son and doesn't want more kids, and although I like the 'idea' of being a mum, when I think about it, I think I'm probably too selfish. So it's not even like I can make Christmas magical for a child, either.

I know that probably doesn't help you, as it might not be the same reason, but it's how I feel.

imissthesouth · 02/10/2020 23:10

I cried at my last birthday, I hate the idea of getting older and the fact that another year has gone past. I always throw a party to try and cheer myself up but it causes me a lot of anxiety. I try to forget about them til the last moment.

Miljea · 02/10/2020 23:18

See, I couldn't give a pygmie flying fuck regarding my age. It's a bunch of artificially constructed numbers.

What I do care about is my life's trajectory, hopefully in a forwards direction.

Maybe, sometimes, our 'curled up in bed, sobbing' isn't that we're turning 30/40/50; it's more- 'my life feels like it's heading nowhere'.

Is that the thing that needs addressing?

imissthesouth · 02/10/2020 23:20

Yes that's exactly it! @Miljea
It's not necessarily that i'm turning older, it's that my life is nothing like I imagined it at this age, it gives me anxiety a lot.