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Original poster

Rude or insensitive things friends have said...

61 replies

pattyre · 01/10/2020 21:26

Been thinking about this after reading a post earlier about jealously, which is where I think lots of these sorts of comments come from! I’ve NC as I’m worried mine could be outing!

When I was 24 I got a job at a city accountancy firm and my (then) best friend said no man would ever fancy men now I had out earned them and I would be ‘back up north where I belonged in no time.’

I’d spent the last four years sitting exams to get the job and this was very crushing to me at the time.

Same friend also said she would hate to have to live in a crumby flat like one of our mutual friends. At the time I lived in a much smaller flat...

I’m actually now wondering why I stayed in touch with her!

Anyone else got any crackers?!

OP posts:
Wincarnis · 02/10/2020 04:49

Said by super skinny SDD “I don’t suppose you can travel light because your clothes are so big....”

Said dismissively by woman trying to chat up DP “I don’t suppose you like it when he talks to someone beautiful.....”

Said by a colleague “You won’t want to come to the Christmas disco at your age, will you?”

blacktiger · 02/10/2020 04:52

I was a size 14 when I fell pregnant and was looking likely to end up with a c-section due to my Ds being two weeks late. My friend said "you should ask them to do a tummy tuck while they're there". I know I was HUGE, tired and emotional at that point but still. Hmm

Clawdy · 02/10/2020 08:18

Told my mum when I was six, that me and my friend Kristen had taken a message to the Year 6 class, and when we walked in all the big kids said "Aaaw!!" Mum said " That would be for Kristen....."

Buggabooboo · 02/10/2020 08:23

After a late enough mc a couple, friends of ours who were a month ahead of where we were in the pregnancy commiserated and in the same breath excitedly told us the scan revealed their baby was a girl.

Same circumstances, another friend talked at length about babies in general (for no reason - she had none and was not pregnant) and told me the first six months or weeks (I can't remember now) after baby is born are the hardest. I was thinking "no, the time six months after you lose your baby are far harder"

GertrudeCB · 02/10/2020 08:46

I had a nasty accident at work and have a prominent scar my face. "Friend" that I hadn't seen in a while " Good god, look at you. I wouldnt leave the house if I were you "
Yup, thanks for that.

Lunariagal · 02/10/2020 10:57

Back in the 90s I graduated with my msc and got a graduate traineeship with a blue chip company (ie like gold dust).

Mum: "you shouldn't have that job, a man should have that job, men have families to support".

She's a lot better these days, after a big blow up about 20 years ago about something else I think my dad told her that she can't be telling me the first thing that comes out of her gob.

wishfulthinking101 · 02/10/2020 11:07

"I deserve to get married and have children before you as I'm older" Like seriously!!!!

Planesmistakenforstars · 02/10/2020 11:10

I'd been having severe abdominal pains and rapidly losing loads of weight. I was having various tests and was terrified of cancer. Friend knew this, but when I saw her in the middle of it she asked "how is your indigestion?" Turned out to be gallstones, thankfully.

something2say · 02/10/2020 11:12

I too cannot understand how and why people say such rude things. Why make personal comments on people, about their lives or bodies or faces?

Some of these are shocking and bely jealousy and competitiveness.

lauryloo · 02/10/2020 11:14

A friend commented how lucky I was to get a 'free car'

We have a motability car because our daughter has a learning disability and uses a wheel chair...

IrmaFayLear · 02/10/2020 11:17

Years ago friend and I met a couple of blokes on a night out. At the end of the evening one asked for my phone number.

All the way home friend kept saying she didn’t understand it... and then said, “Oh, I know! He was too intimated to ask for my number, so he thought he’d phone you to ask if I’m interested.”

The worst point is that I believed her and when he rang up I asked if he wanted friend’s number. He was very confused!

hilariousnamehere · 02/10/2020 11:17

After dropping a few stone very quickly because of a breakup, I was miserable and not sleeping and heartbroken, a friend I'm no longer in touch with said "oh, you're about a size 12 now, that's quite slim... for you"

😂😂😂

PortugeseManoWar · 02/10/2020 11:23

My MIL, having just been told we were expecting a baby, both aged 39, 'An only is a lonely!'

DH and I thought we had misheard or that she was having a senile episode, and said 'What?' so she said it again with an air of having the last word on the situation.

Winterjoy · 02/10/2020 11:25

Family member mockingly when I was promoted at work "what, are they going to make you CEO next ha ha"
Because apparently the thought of me being good at my job and worthy of (minor!) promotion was so, so farfetched

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/10/2020 11:26

On learning my Dad had Huntington’s disease and I had a 50/50 chance of inheriting it my mum said “you never know, you might get cancer” like it was a fabulous get out of jail card. Just depressed me for ages, until I spoke to my genetic counsellor and we laughed about it.

ABCDay · 02/10/2020 11:28

Some of these are horrific Angry

Not a friend but my ex - there was a bit on the news about a predatory sex pest and I said something about it being upsetting because it reminded me of something that had happened before I met him. He said "Why have all these things happened to you?" and would not accept that any other woman he knew had ever had anything like that happen to them.

I was so shocked and hurt at the time but now it's another thing on the long list of just how abusive he was to me. Even when he was packing his stuff to leave he was still trying to get more information out of me about these incidents that I refused to tell him anything more about. Freak.

Trinacham · 02/10/2020 11:28

With some of the experiences above, I do believe harm was not meant, but the person probably did not realize how it sounded, and was trying to see the 'positive' side (when it was probably best to keep their mouth shut).. as in my case..

After my dad passed away, a colleague (who had lost her dad in recent years too) said 'at least you got the chance to say goodbye' - her dad died suddenly without warning. He was elderly. My dad was 64 and had a long painful battle with cancer. I replied with 'I would have rather he passed quickly. It wasn't nice seeing him suffer'. I knew what she meant but it just wasn't the right thing to say.. and as I said, I would have preferred for him that it was a quick and sudden death. I guess only those who have watched a loved one pass after a long cancer battle can relate.

PortugeseManoWar · 02/10/2020 11:46

With some of the experiences above, I do believe harm was not meant, but the person probably did not realize how it sounded

My MIL was certainly not intending conscious unpleasantness, but for me that almost makes it worse, that someone who's been in your life for well over 20 years, and whose golden child is your husband, would think that quoting a dopey, negative truism about only children to two family members who have announced they are expecting a baby seconds earlier, is ok. And when they both stare at you, baffled, thinking they misheard, to then repeat it again, like it's some alternative method of saying 'Congratulations!'

fabulousathome · 02/10/2020 11:48

We moved to a large flat from a 5 bedroom house with garden. It has a 3m x 3m balcony.

"How are you managing in lockdown with just a tiny balcony?" said a friend. Nice.

amieejust · 02/10/2020 11:50

Ex Best Friend no.1, who I'd been friends with for 25 years:

"Wow, haven't you got big" - after having not seen me in a year during which time I'd gone up a dress size.

"She's boring" - talking about me in front of me to a friend when drunk.

"She's a bitch because she's pretty and she's lost weight" - again when drunk and talking about me in front of me to a friend.

"I need the money more than you do" - when asked if she could please repay the money I lent her.

Ex Best Friend no.2, who turned out to be a selfish narcissist:

"Why don't you have her put to sleep, seems unfair to keep her alive" - when my puppy was ill with pneumonia (she recovered quickly and is now a healthy, fit dog).

"I need to make new friends as can't be bothered to wait to be invited/to wait for you" - shortly after I'd moved away and was still in the process of having work done in the new house and still settling in.

"Let's go and look in this sex shop" - walking around town after meeting for coffee, while I was in the depths of grief, following a bereavement. She didn't understand why I wasn't interested in looking at sex toys.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 02/10/2020 11:54

We had one of those 4D scan things done when I was pregnant with DS2. We sent copies to both sets of grandparents. MIL told us she didn’t watch it because it’s "really creepy".

chasingmytail4 · 02/10/2020 12:12

With some of the experiences above, I do believe harm was not meant, but the person probably did not realize how it sounded

I agree. My aunt and I had babies at the same time and she used to ask me to give her child his antibiotics because it distressed her. After I'd given a dose, she said "I wish I could be a hard Mum, like you". I knew what she meant. Grin

Hohohole · 02/10/2020 12:29

I was talking about wanting another child with my best friend at the time and she said 'oh I didn't think you'd want anymore, you don't seem very maternal'.
Fuck you Sharon.

ginghamtablecloths · 02/10/2020 12:41

I was once told, "You're as dull as ditchwater" well thanks, kind friend when I declined an invitation to something a bit different - can't remember what now.

And what exciting things did this lady do with her life? Not a lot.

FallonsTeaRoom · 02/10/2020 13:02

You're only a size 12 for now because you've lost weight but you'll get fat again. (I had only been a 14 before my diet!)

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