Co-parenting - Christmas Day plans, need help!

[CmummyC33]

I have been separated from my ex husband for over 3 years, and divorced for 1 year. We’ve been trying to make plans for our DD for Christmas Day. Ex husband wants to drop presents off and watch DD open them Christmas morning which is what we normally do, but I really want to do things separately this year and going forwards want to keep things separate too. I’ve got a partner now and really want to move on. What should I do? Do you think l am over thinking this or being selfish to DD or ex husband? I am just wondering what everyone else does Christmas Day with their DC or ex husband.

Start the boundaries now in a clear, unemotional matter-of-fact way. He can't really bicker if communication is very brief and factual.

His attitude says it all tbh, he wants to cherry pick the best parts of family life having previously ditched it!!!

Just tell him he isn't welcome in your home anymore, if you doesn't want to split the day that's fine you will have DD from Christmas Eve until Boxing Day and to let you know what time he wants to pick her up.

It's very controlling of him to dictate he is going to come into your home whilst you do all the work and play happy families...

Time for new traditions for you and DD whether you have a new partner or not.

Me and exh alternate, last year he had Christmas Eve from around 5pm to 5pm Xmas day, which worked well. What didn’t work was dp arrangements we were supposed to have all Xmas day which ended up being 11-4, Christmas dinner was rushed, visiting family was rushed and the kids didn’t see each other and couldn’t open their joint present until the next time they were all down. This was the 3rd year it didn’t work as dp ex won’t let us has an overnight on Xmas eve/Xmas day this year I’ve told dp I might not even do Xmas dinner as it’s too stressed/rushed trying to fit it in between family visits/picking kids up plus we have a new baby this year.

Dp just wants a relaxed day with his kids knowing that they are staying overnight or waking up on Xmas morning with us, he will undoubtedly end up running around again and spending most of his Xmas day in the car/waiting for the kids to be ready.

Sorry that sounded so bitter.

Pick an arrangement that will work long term that is fair to both parents, my exh did nothing around to our son (me on the other hand....)and deserves to build Xmas traditions with him, even if it’s only every other year, the earlier this is started the better.

@CmummyC33

Misty9 yes I think you’re right there. I’d never thought of it before like that. Yes that’s really good advice about the strong boundaries, I don’t think I impose them enough really, which is probably why he ‘expects’ to come over Christmas Day. It is surprising what we find ourselves getting used to isn’t it, a schedule may work well for your exDH in terms of Christmas.

It is surprising what we get used to yes, and it sounds like your ex got used to certain things a bit too much! Tbh, neither of my dc are fussed by a roast so I was planning mac and cheese for dd and fajitas for ds! And a pyjama day with treats and screens.y family are miles away, covid or no covid, so it'll be the three of us until its just me...but I'm not thinking about that part yet :(

I definitely need to set the boundaries, and to start ASAP. Emma8t4 exactly they can build their own traditions. RandomMess that’s interesting you say that as he always was very controlling during our relationship. Misty9 that sounds like a perfect Christmas Day ☺️

With older d's we always alternated from Christmas eve until mid day Christmas day