Tell me he hasnt got a perfect happy life after what he did to me thie year?

[Rapphue]

I know the best thing for me is to put this behind me and forget he ever existed. I’m trying to and have already blocked and can’t see online content anymore. But I just want people to say no he’s not got the happy ending that it looked like on social media. I still feel angry at what he did to me.

With ex DP for 5 years. I worked abroad for two months. He cheated. This woman was pregnant, I find out three MONTHS after he found out because he was ‘deciding what to do about telling me.’ Obviously I ended the relationship.

Within a month he had moved her into his house (our old house, I moved out) three weeks before the baby was due. It’s been four months and this woman has plastered photos of them on social media as if they are some happy family. He told me when it ended that he didn’t know what was happening with the relationship (I asked after I moved out) but said he wanted to make sure she moved in with him so that he could ‘secure his parental rights.’

I’ve since blocked everything on social media and most days I don’t think about them. But this properly broke me and at 36 I am devastated that after dedicating the last five years to me and him that he cheats and then waltzes off into the sunset with this ready made family.

I know I’m bitter. I know I need to stop it. I just need to vent this :(

Holy shit! What an absolute arsehole!! Babies put huge strains on relationships and if his goal was to ‘claim parental rights’ I can’t see this playing out well long term.

From what I understand they met up a few times during the month I was away. I know for certain he met her when I was away and didn’t know her before. I also know he wasn’t in touch with her after I got back as I went through everything when I found out and her initial message to him telling him about being pregnant was huge, saying she wasn’t sure about telling him all this time as he had never contacted her since and clearly didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t even know about me.

When I got back we had some great times, nothing was wrong with the relationship at all. He begged me to stay initially and then when I left he completely changed his tune with wanting her to move in. Which she did. I just can’t believe any of it. And she’s moved a long way from where she’s from, so he’s been showing her the area and all the places we went to together to help her ‘settle in.’ It makes me feel sick

She's the one who won't have a happy life because she got pregnant with a known cheater who's also a love bomber and sounds a bit of a controlling prick.

In all honesty it maybe short lived it maybe not. I have had to long relationship end with cheating, the first got his girlfriend pregnant wanted to stay with me but that was never happening, they married but divorced fairly quickly. Second I was married to and he got a work colleague pregnant they are now married and been together since. They live in Australia and seem to be very happy according to a mutual friend. But I am in a good relationship now and that is my focus and after the heartbreak initially it got better but I had to accept in both cases they found it easier to move on than I did.

Omg that's bloody horrific. What a narrow escape you had. The chances of things working out for them are very slim though, especially with the stress of a new baby.

You poor thing. A friend of mine had a similar experience. After about eight years together with her dp, he had an affair and left her for the pregnant OW. They got engaged and moved in together. My friend was devastated - she felt she had wasted her best years on him and blown her chance of marriage and kids.

It didn’t work out well for them. OW lost the baby, and was violent towards friend’s ex, so they broke up. He ended up moving back to his parents, and admitted to mutual friends that it was all a huge mistake and he regretted everything.

Meanwhile, my friend met a new bloke. Whirlwind romance, he proposed within a year and they are now happily married with two dc.

So she got her happy ending, he didn’t. I hope you do too.

God what a prick! I'm not surprised you're still hurt and angry - we all like to make out we can just bounce back from heartache but it's not that easy, is it?

My advice is to have a right good old wallow in it tonight. Put on a sad movie, have wine, write a letter you don't send, just wallow right in it. Then tomorrow, get up, hit the shower and get on with it.

You will find your happy ending. And I bet you a pound to a penny, no matter what it looks like on social media, he has NOT found his.

Thanks mumsnetters. They’re all pictures she has posted and he likes them all. I hate that he’s looking like the good family man now and walking round our small town likes he’s some happy family. Luckily i have found accommodation on the outskirts so I have no reason to see them necessarily. It all just feels so unfair and she’s smiling away in all the photos looking for a part time job so she’s clearly happy to stay in the area. I’m just bitter about it and hate that he automatically seems to have all the pieces fitted together even after all this.

Well that is just horrendous.
You poor woman.
Of course you are devastated.
How could you not be.

Unless he has fallen madly in love with her, its hard to imagine a new relationship/baby won't be very difficult.

Whatever about the poor woman who didn't know about you also....lets hope he dies screaming 👍

Would you perhaps look at moving elsewhere or is this your home area?

It’s my home town. I don’t want to move really. Especially now.

I don’t want to wish harm on him. But I hate that he seems to have this family and he’s all happy and smiley. How is that even fair.

I’m moving on and I don’t want him back. But it’s just so hard to get my head around.

The thing is she seems like a decent woman, if not massively educated/bright so has had the wool pulled over her eyes a bit I think. She has moved a long way to be here with him and before I blocked them she was joining all sorts of groups etc and making a huge effort to get to know the area. It feels like he will just get this easy ride now and have someone willing to do whatever to make it work.

Of course it is hard to get your head around.

Some men just seem able to do this.

But when times get tough, they won't have longevity to lean on.

Longevity with young children helps big time in my experience.

You need time to heal.
You will heal.
You will also come to a place when you will be so glad you had the boundaries to not accept his bullshit behaviour.

You know you deserve better.
And you are right.

Get rid of her on social media. Then you won't see all the photos. People bullshit a lot on social media. But most of all, she's sprogged up with a known cheater and moved to live with a known cheater. No security at all. Stupid AF.

@Rapphue

The thing is she seems like a decent woman, if not massively educated/bright so has had the wool pulled over her eyes a bit I think. She has moved a long way to be here with him and before I blocked them she was joining all sorts of groups etc and making a huge effort to get to know the area. It feels like he will just get this easy ride now and have someone willing to do whatever to make it work.

She screwed some guy she knew was living with someone, didn't use protection, putting everyone at risk of STI. She's not decent. She's stupid AF. The pair of them are stupid ho-bags playing house don't even know each other.

That’s horrific. I’m sorry, OP.

I think it’s likely their relationship won’t last.

Please do whatever you can to make sure you’re not going to consider taking him back if he comes crawling.

I wouldn’t take him back. I’m just cut up about it all and feel like he’s got away with it all and has this perfect family. Can’t get the pictures of her out of my head, all smiling and happy families.

He even had the nerve to keep it from me for three months. She was 6 weeks from due date when he told me. It makes me so hurt and angry. His reason for waiting so long was because he was deciding what to do!!! What the fuck. He was deciding what to do as if I wasn’t allowed an opinion on what I may want after this had happened!! Just makes me so cross and while I am here tonight alone and feeling like my chance of a future with someone is over, I imagine them cosy in that house I used to be in, having a happy loving time.

I get that you are hurting and feel like your heart has been ripped out.

But I swear to God, I'd rather have your pain ANY day OP, than be that woman....pregnant with the child of a cheating waster.

She will NEVER have any peace with him having commenced a relationship the way they did.

You can be sure people are talking behind his back and mocking the hell out of those ridiculous posts on SM.

They are fooling no one.

Get off their SM...it will take your any chance of peace.

No one in your town will be thinking what a lovely family man he is now. They'll be thinking what a complete cunt.

I am so sorry this has happened.

Could you block her on SM so your not seeing this crap? Hard as it will be x

Bitterness only eats you up. Ex won't care. Why waste months of your life feeling bloody awful. Be mad then breathe and let it go. If you died tomorrow would you want your last days to filled with bitterness for your ex?

Good grief that’s appalling. You poor thing.

I can’t believe that a relationship that started on these terms is going to be long lasting or fulfilling. He treated her badly as well and clearly didn’t respect her.

You have your own self respect as you did nothing wrong, and that’s very important. It does take time but you will move on and be happy.

You know the expression 'marry in haste, repent at leisure'? He may not have married her but you could argue this is worse.

By the time he's in the repenting stage of getting so entangled with a stranger, you'll be so over him and happy you'll be able to feel a bit sorry for him. Promise.

The foundations on which their relationship is built- it will not last. Mark my words.

Maybe it could be weeks. Maybe a year or two but I would put money on it not lasting forever.
And by then you will be happy with someone else.

For now, it may be raw and painful but just hold your head up and get on with looking after yourself. And if he at any point wants you back always say NO.

Oh and don't beat yourself up over feeling bad.
You have every right to this time.

What you don't want to do is allow this betrayal to define you.

Would you consider a little counselling as a treat, to help you really vent.

30 years ago I was working with some American women a little older than me.

Through chatting with them, one of them mentioned she was in therapy after a bad break up, to deal with her issues so she could move on. Her ex had also cheated.

It was a lightbulb moment for me as I had never met anyone who had had therapy.

I had known a few women who took years to move on from some twats that had treated them badly.

It struck me as so efficient.
Deal with the emotions and anger and help yourself to move on from someone who wasn't worth your time.

This is devastating for you, I really get that.

But I also think you are grieving a man that didn't exist.

Only a complete prick behaves the way he did.
So you are grieving for your relationship with an absolute twat.

Perhaps reframing how you look at him.
Being really honest about what a twat he is.

He was actually never worthy of you.

It was only a matter of time for his real character to emerge.

You HAVE dodged such a bullet.

The day will come soon when you will realise this.

In the meantime someone very petty would pray hard the baby is a screamer.......obviously you are not petty, but I'll definitely add it in to mine!😉🙏

Maybe he's learned from you, to value people better. They may end up a happy family, and he may be a changed man. I think it's unlikely though. So there are two possible outcomes. He repeats history, breaks another woman's heart, and you get the satisfaction of validation. Alternatively, he's learned from what he's lost, seen that he crossed the line with you, and lives a happy life with this new family. Only time will tell. And what you wish for him now, will be different to what you wish for him in a year or two. I imagine, if my own experiences are anything to go on, in a year or two, you won't give a toss either way. Hard to see that from where you're at now though. And let's face it, on social media, no one post "had a blazing row with the missis this morning, because I'm tired of sleepless nights and nappies", do they? He treated you appallingly, and it's reasonable that you are furious. It's all energy spent though.