I went on a course when I was working with young people with mental health problems, self harm etc on the “Resilience Framework for Young People” led by a team of leading academics and some social workers from a very affluent area, who had travelled to a very poor part on the other side of the country. Knowing my client group, I found some of the ideas a bit twee and simplistic and I knew in particular that some of the parents I worked with would refuse to engage and rubbish some of the suggestions (I.e the parent needed to create a “positivity mood board” to keep by the door and with all the children in the house they needed to write and recite an “affirmation of the week” in the mirror every time they passed the board, or before school every morning they needed to do “breakfast blessings” where they each spent half an hour discussing how blessed they were or doing a craft or dance/music activity that incorporated gratitude). Some of the parents I worked with had abused and neglected their children, some were drug addicts who’s ten year olds had to help them when they’d OD’d...many a time I’d been told that positivity was a load of wank/shit/bollocks and their child “needed to live in the real world/toughen the fuck up” etc. I knew that some..actually ALL, of the suggestions wouldn’t be easy to implement or even suggest with my client group even though I acknowledged that Resilience itself was important. There was also a suggestion of parents attending “Resilience Tea Parties” which again, I knew would be an uphill battle in the town of extreme deprivation and poverty that I was working in.
It was exceptionally well attended, this course, and I was very nervous about asking a question...my heart was pounding. I very politely asked if they had any suggestions on gaining parent’s trust when they might be cynical about positive psychological and so entrenched in their own difficulties and pathologies that it made it hard for them to embrace positive approaches. I gave an example from my own practice where a parent had told me to “f off with my pie in the sky ideas and trying to fill their kids heads with rubbish” when I’d tried to sign them up to a free summer course and explained that with my client group many of us who were trying to help, especially if we weren’t local, were viewed with suspicion. I asked if they had suggestions for building bridges...
Ladies and gentleman...
The Resilience Panel...made me cry in front of 200 people.
They told me they had never heard of such problems. That it was me who was cynical and prejudiced towards parents and I must be using the wrong approach because everyone loves the Resilience Framework, that every parent wants what is best for their child and is only ever loving towards them (one of the children I worked with was brain damaged because her mother had held her head in the cistern when she was a newborn and repeatedly flushed it to stop her crying 
), that no one would think affirmations were rubbish and that it was me that was negative and unrealistic. That they could sense my cynicism and criticism towards the Resilience Movement. “You ask how to build bridges? Stop being so judgemental towards parents and viewing them as the enemy!!!”
I was humiliated. I can remember this one woman turning round to look at me and shaking her head in disgust at me.
To make matters worse, it was in a lecture theatre and I was right at the back so I had to pass everyone to leave, as I was so embarrassed and felt incompetent that I tried to leave as soon as I was able.
I went into work the next day and my colleagues said “how did the Resilience course go?” and I said “the Resilience people made me cry!” and they all burst out laughing, as did I! I had been running it over in my mind as I thought I must have got the tone wrong when I asked the question and came off really rudely so I asked my colleagues to listen carefully to the exact question id asked and the tone I’d used and to tell me honestly if I’d got it wrong. I remember saying “and at the time I know I smiled when I asked the question because I was so nervous my cheeks started to shake!” They were like...”Was that it?! Perfectly valid question...they don’t actually work with our client group and know the daily battle to earn trust and encourage parents to engage with their childrens’ recovery!”
I still didn’t believe I hadn’t done something awful in front of 200 people so I then asked my counsellor if she could give me honest feedback. She said there was nothing wrong either and that in her experience of working within child protective services until retirement she’d also have difficulty implementing some of these suggestions and felt asking how to build bridges and earn parents trust was an important question.
So yeah...came out of a resilience course feeling less resilient, humiliated and like I was totally awful at my job and a generally bad person.
What made me feel better was that my colleagues then attended a Resilience course run by the same people funded by the council and felt talked down to and hissed at all day by the trainer...in the words of my boss “gosh...she was a bit acerbic wasn’t she!”