He snores like a warthog

[HammerandDrill]

How did my lovely, handsome partner turn into this? I need to talk to him again.

The different types of snoring:

1. Cycles of snore SNORE snore getting progressively louder like a road drill

1. He does that thing where there is silence... then SNORE! Makes me jump out of my skin.

It’s SO loud. How he doesn’t wake himself, I don’t know.

My sleep is suffering. I can’t have the windows open cos I’m sure the neighbours will hear.

I’m a bit shocked tbh. The weight has crept up and he has a big, round tummy, like he has stuffed a beach ball under his t-shirt. That’s another thing. He used to wear lovely shirts when we met. Now - I think because of the weight gain - he wears scruffy t-shirts, shorts and trainers. Like an overgrown toddler. He doesn’t seem to change his pants as often as he should

WTF has happened? How do I talk to him about it? I feel bad... if it was a man on here talking about his wife having “let herself go” he’d probably get slaughtered. But I am realising how much he has changed in the 3 years we’ve been together.

There HAS to be a discussion about the snoring (again) at the very least. It can’t be good for his health. He has a machine thing but never has it ‘on’ him.

Women with snorers/men who have let themselves go, how do you go about promoting change?

1. The noisy breathing. PAHHHH PAHHHH SNORE PAHHHH

Arghhh

first you need to tell him that his snoring affects your sleep and wellbeing.

secondly, as you describe it it's classic sleep apnoea, which can kill him.
he urgently needs to lose weight to stop him making himself seriously ill and bith of you miserable.
he could also go to the gp for a referral to a sleep lab and fitting of a cpap machine.

Thanks Pink.

He already has a machine but ignores it. Think I need to alert him to the seriousness of it. Yes, I need to tell him that he urgently needs to lose weight. He’s sinking into his side of the bed now and struggles to breathe by day, too. I think he must be obese now.

Can you sleep in separate rooms? I can't bear snoring and can't sleep next to one

I can hear him from the spare room, too It’s seriously loud...

DH has a CPAP machine, and I now sleep at night. His sleep apnoea is possibly the cause of the silent stroke he had.

I’m going to tell him to use his machine. This can’t be good for him. Silent stroke... wow. He can’t be far off a heart attack - diet is v bad. I’m actually pretty concerned. How did it get this bad?

I used to snore. Lost a lot of weight (3 stone) and DW says I no longer snore. Suspect your husband has same issue. If he's got a "beach ball" as you put it then he must have a few stone of extra weight around his chest and abdomen when he's lying down. That has to affect his breathing, right?

Yes that’s right, outwest. Well done on your weight loss. How do I get him to do the same? It looks really uncomfortable.

Sleep apnea can also cause weight gain as your body needs more energy in the day , because you are not getting restful sleep, therefore you eat more and drink more, particularly fizzy drinks or red bull etc to cope with the slumps.
Viscous circle.

Hard to lose weight, hard to keep it off in today's world of plentiful calories, but certainly possible if you can persuade him. You may find this thread helpful, but whatever works for him, really. If DH has as much abdominal fat as described, then serious health risk. Could lose DH early, or see him suffer from diabetes or other lifestyle disease.

There's an app called Snorelab that you turn on overnight and it records every time there's a noise (make sure you set it to record every time otherwise you just get a selection of recordings instead of every instance).

I bet he has no idea how loud and how frequent it actually is, so this would let you show him exactly what it sounds like and how much of the night it goes on for, which might spur him into trying to do something.

if he already has a 'snorinator' he is aware of the noise and health impact.
he needs to pull his socks up and (literally) get going - diet, exercise, proper use of his medical device.
but it's on him, not the op.

Thank you all! That was a tough night...

Yes, he’s already aware that his snoring is a problem, but I think that app would be helpful for validating it. Yes, he drinks a lot of energy drinks in the day to compensate. Probably makes the problem worse.

He also snored when he was a normal weight - he has something wrong with his neck and nose - but it was nowhere near as bad as this.

The weight is a second issue. He really, really needs to lose some. It’s getting serious.

Silicone earplugs work well for me. Feel your pain, you can't stop a snorer snoring!

He MUST use his CPAP machine. He shouldn't be driving if he is as bad as he sounds.

Towers, I can even hear him through ear plugs Can feel the vibrations near me. Urgh.

Gin - why should he not drive? He sleeps ok, it’s just me who suffers!

DH is having all sorts of communication with the DVLA about his driving licence. Sleep apnoea that is bad enough to require a CPAP machine needs reporting to them.

If your DH needs energy drinks to stay awake during the day it means he isn't getting enough quality sleep and shouldn't be driving.

I recently gained around 1.5 stones quite quickly. And started snoring every night. My lovely DH was really disturbed by it and mentioned it, albeit kindly. Because I love him I felt terribly guilty about something that was within my control literally causing him to lose sleep at night. I've lost a stone so far and the snoring has stopped. I'm sorry but I think your DH is being incredibly selfish, even if he doesn't care enough about his own health he should care about the effect this is having on you.

I once saw an ENT for my son who said he only needed to gain 7lb for his snoring to start up, so it may not take a huge loss to make a real difference

Gin It doesn’t cause him daytime sleepiness, so I think it’s fine. He just likes drinking those foul energy drinks, it’s not to keep awake. His sleep is pretty consistent, just bloody noisy. But yes, he should be using the machine.

you ask what's happened? what's happened is that he has a dangerous medical condition that he is not treating and it is getting worse, the worse it gets the less energy and motivation he will have to start taking it seriously. He will lose his driving licence if he is not complying with his machine at least 5 hrs a night if he has SA at a reportable level.

He has his head buried wholly in the sand. Likely his blood glucose and blood pressure are rising with the increased stomach - he should have this checked for any other condition that causes the stomach to swell too. I would insist he uses his machine when staying at yours or he is not allowed to stay, at least then he won't suffer a stroke or heart attack in your bed. These are real risks with untreated SA.

Well done on your weight loss, ohwhatbliss. I think he does care but maybe could put in a bit more effort. Will talk to him about it some more later...

@time4anothername

you ask what's happened? what's happened is that he has a dangerous medical condition that he is not treating and it is getting worse, the worse it gets the less energy and motivation he will have to start taking it seriously. He will lose his driving licence if he is not complying with his machine at least 5 hrs a night if he has SA at a reportable level.

He has his head buried wholly in the sand. Likely his blood glucose and blood pressure are rising with the increased stomach - he should have this checked for any other condition that causes the stomach to swell too. I would insist he uses his machine when staying at yours or he is not allowed to stay, at least then he won't suffer a stroke or heart attack in your bed. These are real risks with untreated SA.

Thanks, Time. I think he is unaware of the severity of his condition, and of how much weight he has put on. He had his blood pressure checked recently, and it was fine, but it doesn't mean everything else is ok. For a number of reasons, it's very difficult for me to 'insist' that he uses his machine, but I will certainly discuss fears that he could have a stroke or heart attack in the same bed. Thanks for info.

I once saw two warthogs fast asleep in some toilets in South Africa (oribi gorge). They had trashed the toilet rolls, it was a right old mess. They weren't snoring. I just thought I'd come along and say that so I could feel special about the warthogs

@Damnloginpopup Do you know, after I posted my OP, I did wonder... do warthogs even snore? Hmm that toilet sounds like an appealing place for me to lay my head tonight...