the only thing that I like is food!
@toofattolove - that's not enough. You deserve more. And I suspect in your heart you want more out of life than just the quick, immediate fix of food. I have felt what you felt but it scared the hell out of me and I badly wanted things to be different. It must be harder if you don't.
ADs can cause massive carb cravings. I was never overweight - even after having two babies close together, until I started on ADs and then, just like you, over the course of several years, I ended up 30lbs overweight.
I honestly don't blame your dH. You can't make yourself fancy someone whose physical type you have never been attracted to, just because you married them when they looked very different. People might think him cruel but I sympathise. It is bloody hard being married to someone who has no interest in life. It's so draining and it's not sexy.
Would you make some changes to improve your life if they weren't too hard? Could you start with including drinking more water and adding 8-a-day fruit and veg to your diet (3 fruit, 5 veg) then gradually cutting back on the snacking that you get least pleasure out of?
Would you consider doing some online CBT work to try and lift your mood out of the 'nothing matters' mindset?
Would you, just as an experiment, try out two or three new things each day that could give you pleasure in the way that food does. Things like playing music you loved in your teens or at a happy time in your life; playing new music you've not heard before; watching comedy series; doing 5 minute yoga stretch sessions online with Adrien or if you prefer seeing a big woman who is brilliant at yoga, Jessamyn. (Google Jessamyn yoga.)
As for your DS - I feel for both of you. Can you fake it? I had to for a while with DS2 and gradually the lines blurred between faking it and feeling it. Now we have a really close bond and I am relieved the faking was so effective. Lots of cuddles, playing, tickling and giggling that my heart wasn't in at all. But it bonded us anyway.
You say "I know I should change but have absolutely no desire to" and that is such a classic and cruel symptom of depression. My mantra used to be: You don't have to want to, you just have to do it. That applied to showering, cleaning teeth, getting dressed in the cleanest, nicest clothes that fitted me (buy some cheaply from Tu) and then doing three things a day - any three things - maybe one for or with your DS, one for yourself, one for or with your DH.
Could you contemplate any of this? It never gets better until you fight it, ime. And I think you definitely deserve to try some different ADs as these ones seem to have zonked you. I hope your DH understands it's a side effect of powerful drugs, not a complete personality change.