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Original poster

Reasons why my DS (13) should not stay at his girlfriends

69 replies

TheOrville · 23/09/2020 06:19

Just that really.
Allegedly girlfriends mum is okay with it.

I am not. Please give me additional reasons, so far I have

  1. not appropriate
  2. setting a precedent
  3. not appropriate
OP posts:
HMSSophie · 23/09/2020 09:54

Because he's going to blame you and be angry with you - either now, or when he's an adult. So you'll take the blame now and get it over with

MarshaBradyo · 23/09/2020 09:55

13 so young

HattonsMustard · 23/09/2020 10:05

Juliet has "not seen the change of 14 years" so she is 1, Ds is studying it for GCSE. But Juliet is not allowed out alone, hence why her nurse does all the running around.

Also just because people don't lose their virginity on average till much older, it does not mean they are not engaging in sexual activity of some kind. They may find themselves in situations they later regret as was posted on here by a Mum of a girl who went to a boy's house.

At 13 there is absolutely no need for a sleepover, even separate rooms are easily overcome. I would question the judgement of the girl's parents who seem willing to do this.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
HattonsMustard · 23/09/2020 10:06

She is 13 not 1 obviously

Original poster
TheOrville · 23/09/2020 11:34

Interesting answers.

Up until a few months ago, his best mate was a girl and we( the mums) didn't have an issue with them staying in the same room. But this is his first girl friend, there has been kissing (grin)

OP posts:
StitchInTimeSavesNine · 23/09/2020 11:40

Romeo and Juliet can hardly be held up as a successful relationship. Shock

Original poster
TheOrville · 23/09/2020 12:41

@Porcupineinwaiting

OP doesnt need to spice up her answers but, in a situation like this, I think a discussion around why it's not appropriate would be better than a straight "I say no". Because ultimately being able to talk about sex and relationships with her son is one way of keeping him safe and making good decisions.
Exactly!

We have had discussions about sex, STIs, pregnancy etc.

But I hadn't thought about the maturity part and not being able to deal with it.

Thank you all for your input and thank fuck I didn't post this in AIBU!!

OP posts:
SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun · 23/09/2020 13:09

Yes - I agree it means not straight, at a weird angle

SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun · 23/09/2020 13:10

Wrong thread Blush

BikeRunSki · 23/09/2020 13:19

Romeo and Juliet may have been 13/14, but so was Sue Radford when she became pregnant for the first time and had her first baby....

Yankathebear · 23/09/2020 13:32

Why does he want to sleep over? What’s his reasoning.

movingonup20 · 23/09/2020 13:36

He's 13! End of. 16 is ok, 13 is not

bookmum08 · 23/09/2020 13:42

If this was a male friend and it was a sleepover - sleeping bags in the living room, lots of pizza and popcorn and watching some movies would everyone be all "ooh but they might have sex" (because you know 13 year olds can be gay - shock horror !!!)?
Not all 13 year olds are obsessed with sex. Many are still at the "ewww" stage.
This all seems a bit extreme without knowing the full facts.

letmetakeyoudancing · 23/09/2020 13:55

Because he's too young to be having sex. If he says we won't then you can chat about feeling pressured, being under the age of consent etc.

iMatter · 23/09/2020 13:56

He's 13
You said no

thelegohooverer · 23/09/2020 14:02

My dm used to say “when you’re old enough to understand you won’t have to ask me”
Or
“If you have to ask me why I’m saying no, you’re definitely not old enough to do it”

Used to drive me bananas but it turns out she was right.

Original poster
TheOrville · 23/09/2020 14:52

@thelegohooverer

My dm used to say “when you’re old enough to understand you won’t have to ask me” Or “If you have to ask me why I’m saying no, you’re definitely not old enough to do it”

Used to drive me bananas but it turns out she was right.

OMG @₩thelegohooverer You are my new hero
OP posts:
Lexilooo · 23/09/2020 16:53

I'd be inclined to say no too but I think asking for reasons might both open up some useful discussion and help your DS understand and be less cross about your refusal.

I might also consider saying yes in some very limited circumstances. Perhaps because he has been invited along to some family event and travelling home afterwards would be difficult/unsafe, and arrangements were such that there was a suitably small chance of sexual activity, say, sharing a room with girlfriends brother and girlfriend is in with another relative. I would definitely want to have spoken to the parents though.

Generally I think it is just worth discussing because it opens up issues like consent/contraception/duress/peer pressure etc.

Palavah · 23/09/2020 20:32

@Porcupineinwaiting

Equally giving him the message that you expect him to be trying to have sex isnt great *@Palavah*. Strange as it seems not all 13 year olds are at that point.
I didn't suggest otherwise. Bizarre.
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