Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Reasons why my DS (13) should not stay at his girlfriends

69 replies

TheOrville · 23/09/2020 06:19

Just that really.
Allegedly girlfriends mum is okay with it.

I am not. Please give me additional reasons, so far I have

  1. not appropriate
  2. setting a precedent
  3. not appropriate
OP posts:
Twentynone21 · 23/09/2020 07:57

Absolute no!

Relationships at that age don’t tend to last very long. They aren’t emotionally mature enough to do this.

I was once asked to go camping with my BF when I was 15yrs & didn’t feel I could say no for fear of being ridiculed but I didn’t want to go & was relieved when my DM said no.

What do you know about GF & her family? I would be very concerned if they thought this was OK & would question their boundaries & what else happens at their home.

Original poster
TheOrville · 23/09/2020 07:57

Oh I have said No.

I just want to spice up my answers rather than
No it's inappropriate
No you are 13
No it sets a precedence and when you are 15 you'll say, but you let me when I was 13
No I said so,
Oh and just No! Grin

We are not UK, so different coved rules

OP posts:
WunWun · 23/09/2020 08:00

I agree with everyone else.

But out of curiosity, what did they expect the sleeping arrangements to be?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
notheragain4 · 23/09/2020 08:06

You don't need to "spice up" your answers. You're the parent, he's the child (emphasis on child here for spice!) you've said no and frankly it's so obvious why the answer should be no I wouldn't weaken your resolve with waffley reasons.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 23/09/2020 08:06

why would a 13 year old need to Sleep round his Gf? No way! for me 15/16 is the earliest i would allow because there is no need for it, i would allow for them to stay til 8-9 then its home into bed

RedskyAtnight · 23/09/2020 08:08

Just to break the mould, I'd actually be fine with it as long as they had separate rooms/beds/sleeping areas.

Everyone has fixated on what they might be get up to sexually. However, both my DC and their friends that I know about, were up to precisely nothing at age 13. A "girlfriend" was just a friend who happened to be a girl. The thought of sex was still weird. Staying a girl/boy friend's house wasn't any different to staying at any other friend's house.

AriesTheRam · 23/09/2020 08:10

Because they are children!

Porcupineinwaiting · 23/09/2020 08:10

OP doesnt need to spice up her answers but, in a situation like this, I think a discussion around why it's not appropriate would be better than a straight "I say no". Because ultimately being able to talk about sex and relationships with her son is one way of keeping him safe and making good decisions.

ChrisPrattsFace · 23/09/2020 08:25

Because he’s a child....

HattonsMustard · 23/09/2020 08:28

If all he is planning to do is sleep, he can do that at his own house. There is absolutely no need to spend the night. If she lives too far away to travel then this relationship probably won't last.

13 children do father children. Even though we know that it still feels awful writing it down.

A year 9 boy fathered a child with a year 10 girl a couple of years ago at my sons' school. It scared the shit out of those that had had sex because they watched that girl's belly grow every day.

Okbutnotgreat · 23/09/2020 08:28

Lol, because you said so. 13 is a world away from 17 and no way would I have allowed this.

VeganCow · 23/09/2020 08:29

Have you spoken to the mum, what does she say about it, what are the sleeping arrangements? If it's more of a guest staying overnight scenario, own room, sensible kids (you know your kid, we don't) then I imagine its just like if your son was this girl's friend?

Palavah · 23/09/2020 08:33

I wouldn't assume separate bedrooms means nothing will happen.

Worrysaboutalot · 23/09/2020 08:35

I would ultimately say no. However it would be interesting to ask him 'Why ?' and discuss his reasons.

userxx · 23/09/2020 08:53

No reasons needed, you said no.

Porcupineinwaiting · 23/09/2020 08:54

Equally giving him the message that you expect him to be trying to have sex isnt great @Palavah. Strange as it seems not all 13 year olds are at that point.

IdblowJonSnow · 23/09/2020 09:06

Flat out no from me too.
Too young. Creates opportunities. As for separate rooms, people do get up and move around in the night!

Kittykat93 · 23/09/2020 09:18

I would not allow this at 13. You do not need an answer. I stayed over at my first boyfriends when I was 14 (mum didn't know) and yup ended up having sex way before I was ready. Hes a child, you're allowed to say no and you don't need to have a reason.

Serin · 23/09/2020 09:26

Well I'd say no and I'd probably wonder if the other mum has any idea of how to safeguard her DD.Sad

emmathedilemma · 23/09/2020 09:28

I'm going to go against the majority on this one and say yes, depending on the sleeping arrangements and what you suspect their motives might be (at that age I suspect / hope it's not sex!). Kids that age go to groups like Scouts and have overnight stays in shared accommodation, I'm sure the older explorer scouts are even allowed to share tents.

Yaty · 23/09/2020 09:28

He's 13, the end.

AlternativePerspective · 23/09/2020 09:30

I think it’s a sad world where we are essentially telling thirteen year olds that they’re going to be having sex. Plenty of thirteen year olds don’t, in fact the average age for losing virginity is still nineteen, whatever the tabloids say.

If there are going to be separate beds and separate bedrooms and the parents are there then I don’t actually see anything wrong with it.

When I was fifteen I went out with a twenty year old. Entirely different situation in that he was twenty going on twelve and I was a normal fifteen year old so there was never any thought of sex. But still his mum would invite me over to stay for the weekend, as I was at boarding school and he lived locally and I didn’t. Nothing ever happened, and while I always sensed that she seemed slightly uncomfortable, and i interpreted it at the time as her not liking me, years on I realise that the age difference was something which concerned her, but she never mentioned it and so it never became a thing, and we broke up a year later.

Of course, the OP reserves the right to just say no “because I said no,” but I don’t think there’s anything wrong in having a conversation about it if he wants to make a reasoned argument.

Jpowe · 23/09/2020 09:30

Defo too young 13 😮

IfNotNow12 · 23/09/2020 09:36

pretty certain Romeo and Juliet were 13 so I would hazard a guess and say for a long time
Actually I think Juliet was 13/14 but there's no mention of Romeo's age?
Yeah, I wouldn't be assuming they would have sex they're really young but " I said no" is just fine.

HMSSophie · 23/09/2020 09:53

Because it will bring adulthood to a teenager, which no teenager is able to manage because their brain, and bodies, are still maturing.