My foof is on fire - send help

[minou123]

I was bored tonight.
I decided to tidy up the old vagayjay.
Its been growing since March and I thought it was due a bit of a spring clean.

Anyhoo, I got the old immac out, spread it on. Got a bit distracted and walked about and washed it off.
Resulting in, all of the hair is gone.

The old girl is feeling very hot, so im sat with legs akimbo, (curtains are closed - I was brought up properly)

I have E45 and vasaline, which one will help me?

Natural Greek yoghurt

@sitckmansladylove

Top tip. Wear pants when you immac/veet. Not that it's ever happened to me

Thats a really good tip, thank you.

Not E45. Dreadful stuff. Hope it's feeling a bit better OP!

Lady I used to work with once got a phone call from her son (late teens) to say he had used her immac on his balls and what could he do to stop them burning. Not sure she was much help over all the laughing.

@Pollypocket89

Natural Greek yoghurt

I was wondering how long before that suggestion was going to turn up!

Any yogurt works quite well ime

Glad the sudocrem helped. This isn’t my first rodeo

I still do use Veet Dahn There, but you’ve got to be ON IT with the timing or yes..... chemical burns aren’t fun!

LurkydeLurk
Re that link. You know when people say they were crying with laughter, and it's just a turn of phrase? Well I still have tears on my cheeks now.
Sprouts!

Anyone need cheering up - read that Amazon review.
(Sorry OP, probably best to keep sluicing with cool water)

What is it with hair removal creams! I used a sensitive one for my very fair moustache. Fuck it hurt burned so much and I only left it on 3 minutes.
I was left with a bright red tache area. I do have an Aloe plant so kept applying that if you can get any it helped.
I think the Vaseline might help like a burn it keeps it from air touching it?
Anyone got any non burn your bits off recommendations for product?

The fire has gone, but God it is sore.

I've just tried to walk to the kitchen and back and I'm walking like John Wayne.

Fuck this hurts.
I'm still sat legs akimbo, with a bag of frozen sweetcorn on it. I couldn't find any peas. Frozen sweetcorn is ok, isn't it?

Argh OP I got some good advice here when I had a burning foof (not immac related) - complete with John Wayne walk! I still remember the pain!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3844201-Spicy-foof

Sudocrem is your friend! Solidarity

Oh bless ya.
Yeah, keep on with the frozen veg-vag , the sudocream and the ibuprofen. You’ll probably be a bit sore tomorrow but nothing like tonight.

That review! 😂 🤣 I was almost choking with laughter and wiping the tears of mirth away 🤣

OP - hope you’re feeling a little better. Sudocrem is good and there’s also a yellow tubed nappy cream whose name I’ve forgotten (but might begin with M?) that might reduce any redness.

A tea towel soaked in cold water and wrung out might help tonight.

Metanium is the ointment @BreatheAndFocus

I just cannot believe you used it there ouchy....

@Estrellente

Oh bless ya. Yeah, keep on with the frozen veg-vag , the sudocream and the ibuprofen. You’ll probably be a bit sore tomorrow but nothing like tonight.

I will not be eating the frozen veg-vag! It'll be thrown away.

No-one want to be eating Vulva Sweetcorn.

Sanitary towel in a ziploc bag then in the freezer for a bit before wearing as normal.

Not E45. Dreadful stuff.
I feel like E45 should carry a (bigger) warning. Our chemist and doctor used to tell us to use e45 for skin issues, then you read on the back something like 'can even be used on sensitive skin'. So actually it's only meant for dry skin (found out after I put it on my son's eczema and he started screaming).Sorry for the rant and hope you're okay OP!

You know when you just needed cheered up a bit? Take your mind off things and most of Mumsnet is being complain-ey or dramatic... well not here,
Thanks minou’s vagina, I wish you well 😂

Have you got any aftersun?

From the Amazon link (for those who didn't bother to click):

A warning from across the pond...
Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2012_

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)_
Read lesss_

minou123 So sorry about your foof but between you & that poor guy on Amazon, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the best laugh in months!

@justasking111 Yes, Metanium - thank you 😊
Obviously application should cautious and careful.

I did something similar last year. Managed to get the immac inside my 'lips' and burnt the skin. It itched like hell and I kept scratching it and opening the sore again. I ended up having to go to my GP and get some cream on prescription. Cleared it right up.

@minou123

I have put sudocrem on and it's a wonderful feeling

Oh shit Beasmamma, I've put a thick layer on. My thoughts were, the more the better.
Although that thought got me in this trouble in the first place
Will go a wipe some off.

It's no biggie - it's just a waste, the extra sudocrem doesn't do anything. Good luck with the healing!

Remainin - laughing so much at that Amazon reviewer guy than you - your
User name is quite apt re the sprout