I'm 30. And sure my DH will cheat

[BlueJay99]

Married three years, together for a few years beforehand. Two DC.

We're both 30 now. Generally have a good relationship, we get on very well and everything is great. I just have this overwhelming sense that we won't be together forever. He will cock up, cheat (I can't see it being me). We will divorce and I'll end up alone. He'll probably go on and have more children with someone else.

I think about it quite a lot and in pretty a matter of fact way. I just know it will happen.

Anyone else have this? Is there anything I should do?

You think he’ll cheat because you’re 30? Why?

Is this based on anything he has actually done or said?

If not, I think you are borrowing trouble.

How much time do you spend in the present rather than catastrophising about the future?

I just feel like I have come to this realisation since turning 30. And it's too late to do anything about it. And it hasn't even happened yet.

I'm going to be stuck, no longer youthful, on my own - at some point.

Have you got any warning signs?

Can you speak to him properly about expectations of fidelity?

You might be worrying about absolutely nothing. You're married and have two children.

It doesn't sound as if you have much faith in your husband. Do you even like him anymore?

Well that’s a bit of a fatalistic viewpoint, OP.
If you’re so sure it will happen, maybe get it over and done with now?

You're only 30 btw! Hardly over the hill and you can be beautiful and attractive at any age.

Honestly that doesn't sound in anyway healthy. I turned 30 this year, 2 dc as well. I never think that my dh is gonna cheat/leave etc. I mean could it happen?? Yes it could. But I don't think about it. The same way I don't consider that I might get hit by a bus tomorrow.
If you are this concerned about it then it might be a good idea to look at why. How good your relationship actually is. Etc. Cause living your life worrying about some possible catastrophic ending can't be good for you, your dh or your kids.

Firstly no longer youthful is bollocks you are still young. Secondly, if he only values you for your youthfulness then that is an issue. Do you rate good looks highly on what makes a relationship work?

I was sure DH and I wouldn't make it down the aisle because something would happen. It didn't, and we did. I was sure my second pregnancy would end in miscarriage and we'd never have children - it didn't, and we did. Anxiety is incredibly powerful. Don't let it beat you. Get help now.

What is your conviction based on?

Millions of marriages last a lifetime.

What makes you think yours won’t?

What makes you think yours won’t

I don't know exactly what it is. A strong thought in my mind / feeling in my tummy.

Maybe reading through MN at all the infidelity doesn't help.

I mentioned this idea to him a few nights ago. He was upset that I would think that and said it was nonsense. He was particularly upset/annoyed that I think he will go on to have more kids with someone else and said he'd never do that.
But he would say all this now..because it hasn't happened yet.

Hiding the relationships board was the best decision I ever made on MN.

Consider it OP. You might find you feel a lot better.

So you don’t trust him. Your gut is telling you not to trust him?

I have no idea what he could have said in response to you telling him, OP. That must have hurt him a lot.

Have you been rewatching Doctor Foster lately?!

How would you feel if he said those things to you? If you had no previous history of cheating etc? It must have hurt him a lot. I would be devastated if my dh thought that our marriage was going to end badly etc.

This isnt worth thinking about but it is weird that you think you couldn't find love again after 30, which is young anyway

Meant kindly, this isn't a normal way of thinking. Even if you don't think you need to, please talk to your GP. How recently were your dc born? I'm wondering if PND is a factor.

I know from experience how completely reasonable and logical these depressing thoughts can be, but your brain is lying to you. Misery is not a foregone conclusion!

Sadly, the way you are thinking/behaving is the best way to turn it into a self fulfilling prophecy!!
There must be something that has triggered this feeling ( and I don't necessarily mean any daft 'spidey senses' about your husbands behaviour) do you often feel that disaster will happen when things are going well? Perhaps a trip to the dr to chat through anxiety etc, . Believe me I do understand the stress you can feel when everything seems to be going well, almost like imposter syndrome, and it can affect the way you view every aspect of your life

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You should really go and get some CBT because this is a very unhealthy thought pattern. Invest time in finding out what triggered this and develop some coping healthy coping mechanisms.

Put yourself in your DH's shoes and imagine how it feels to have your partner say those things about you with no apparent reason- I am sure you would be incredibly hurt. I would be devastated if my husband thought this about me.

Hi. Did one of your parents have an affair? I feel the same way and I know its really crazy but its almost like an irrational fear. My dad had an affair and it was really, really tough for me as a child to deal with. I think reading the relationship threads on here has made me really paranoid too. My partner is so loyal and trustworthy but because him cheating on me and betraying me and our child is probably the worst thing I could imagine happening to me, I cant get over it. My partner has absolutely no idea and would be really shocked if he knew. I cant give advice but you are not alone!

And if he does? You’ll be single. And??? Yes, breaking up is awful, and it takes time to get assimilated. But being single is fabulous.

OP, you carry on thinking like this and you will be the one that breaks up the relationship. No one wants to live with someone who no longer trusts them and doubts their every move.

I think you should consider some therapy. Does your DH look after you a lot? Do you rely on him for lots of things?

My EXH cheated on me. I'm now 34 and on my own...it's not a bad thing, I actually love it!
Has he ever given you any reasons not to trust him? My EXH did, but I chose to ignore them!

Stop reading the infidelity tales on here. It will really jaundice you and give a false picture. It obviously already has if you've raised your fears (conviction) with him.

And or it's a reaction to your sense of inevitability about getting older.

Either way really a 'feeling in your gut' is nonsense. When people on here say 'trust your gut' they mean when someone is actually lying/cheating. And tbh I think they go on about it too much, the gut instinct.

Your 'gut' can actually just be your fear confusing you.

You definitely should get some counselling. And say sorry to your DH. I can understand why he'd be upset. This is almost an accusation, from nowhere, based on nothing, about the woolly future. ?