I know any reason is ok to end a relationship if it’s your reason etc etc but I am wanting to know in general if others find this silly or if they would feel the same.
Im with a lovely man. He is great to me, really wants the relationship to progress. In many ways he’s fantastic, patient, understanding, kind. He really does want what’s best for me. But these are the things that bother me..
- Now and then I feel a bit patronised. I can’t really explain it but he had an ex gf who worked in the same industry as me and him, but in a small town...i work in a city and without going into detail the job is hugely more competitive in the sector I am in that the sector he and she worked in. He sometimes says she earned x and that her job (he is a manager in her sector) was the best sector to be in etc etc. This is hard to explain without detailing the work but suffice to say that the sector I am in is renowned for being the most competitive in this industry especially in comparison to what his ex did and he does - albeit he is a manager so has done very well. I feel so petty writing this and I never expected him or needed him to think I was some Wonder Woman at work, but it almost feels like he is manipulating me to move away from the city I worked in to live with him and go into a different sector. I also feel frustrated that he sees to have such a narrow minded attitude about this industry that he also works in - he’s never been city based and seemed to have a chip on his shoulder about it, at one point even commenting that the work I did was full of arrogant intellectuals who don’t actually know much. he didn’t include me in this of course.. I was the exception. 🤔
2. He earns a huge amount of money and nearly always pays when we go out at his election. I mostly drive to his which is an hour or so away so I guess I have all the travel costs (I like being away from the city, he would come to me if I asked). However, when we had an argument from time to time about something unrelated he often says ‘you expect me to pay for everything too!’ This is not true and while he has a lot of money I am quite ok without someone with money and had never and would never expect him to pay - he would always insist and/or be the one wanting to go out. This feels like a nasty thing to say in an argument unrelated to money.
3. He often says I am quite weird but he has become fond of it. To be fair I probably am a bit weird but I always feel this is a bit of a dig. Maybe I’m too sensitive.
4. Last week he bought a new rug for downstairs and I took up the original rug to make space and there were two unopened condoms under it. I laughed and said where are these from?! Expecting him to tell me they were there hoping we’d have sex one even on the floor or that it was from ages ago before we met when he was dating...or whatever funny story it was. Instead he got defensive and said he didn’t know why there were there...I pushed it and said oh come on jokingly and he became even more defensive and was adamant he didn’t know why they were there. He’s in constant contact with me (too much sometimes!) and I have never had an inkling that he’s cheating... I’m certain it’s not that but what bothers me is the fact he can’t be honest and laugh about it? Am I being over the top here or would this bother you too? I even said look I’m not angry I think it’s funny but it’s weird you are pretending you don’t know when you live alone in the house!
4. I suggested we have a weekend apart as it felt very intense over a particular couple of months. He said he would do that if that’s what I wanted but he would lose feelings fast for me because that’s just what he is like, either all in or all out. I get where he is coming from here but it made me feel confused that someone who was so loving and professed to want to be with me and loved me would then say he could just click his feelings off? Again maybe I am being sensitive.
5. When I asked for a break a while ago he reacted saying he didn’t do breaks and that to him would be a break up... fair enough. He then said if I broke up with him I would regret it and he would move on and wouldn’t wait around. I guess that’s fair enough in many ways but it felt like he was angry at me for suggesting it rather than actual upset if that makes any sense.
He is great to me and I know he wants us to be together and he is very invested in us. In sooo many ways he is a very very lovely family man who adores his parents but not in a strange way ! And is just a decent man who gets on with his work and lives a quiet life and is generally cheerful. I get the sense that if I was as keen as him then he would calm down a bit on these fronts maybe. I can’t put my finger on whether these things I have said are me being very unfair and critical?