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What are my chances of working these hours and not having a breakdown?

51 replies

Ivenamechanged13 · 18/09/2020 12:18

So long story short. Dp and I live together (mortgage) along with my DD (7).
I was a SAHM (mainly due to mental health issues). Dp earned enough to cover expenses and to leave us with money left each month to eat out etc. All was good.

He lost his job due to covid mid March and has had zero luck finding anything since. The jobs just are not there in his field. So we have been living off savings since, they are pretty much gone now.

I got a few hours a week working in a local restaurant but obviously these wages dont even cover the weekly food bill.

Now to the issue I'm needing advice about. An ex boss from about 10 years ago and I bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago. He then contacted me asking if I was looking for work. We meet up for a coffee and a chat and he wants me to go back and work for him. I loved it there and it's a fab place to work. I told him of the problems with childcare on sick days and holidays etc (obs fine at mo whilst Dp is looking for work) and he said they can be flexible with a mix of office and wfh. Hes looking for a min of 30 hours but I can do as many hours as I like. Perfect?

But, to cover the Bill's I would need to be doing about 60 hours a week between both jobs. I'm worried my mental health wont cope. I dont sleep brilliantly and the thought of doing at least 10 hours a day, 6 days a week is already making me panic. I'm worried I will be an exhausted mess and slip backwards health wise.

I know in reality my Dp will find something so this would hopefully only be those hours for 6 months max. I really dont have a choice at the minute, we are getting desperate.

Do you think working those sorts of hours is doable? Dp would take over school runs, housework, cooking etc. Any advice welcome from anyone who does lots of hours etc.


OP posts:
tornadoalley · 18/09/2020 13:35

You don't have to do 60 hours. What the alternative to not doing 30 hours? No job for either of you and how will bills be paid then. Look at 30 hours and hopefully your Dp will get something soon. Working is probably better for mental health that staying at home with a school age child

SarahAndQuack · 18/09/2020 13:41

Should be fine, you're only doing it short term and you have help.

KitKat1985 · 18/09/2020 13:54

I'd take the job and resign from the restaurant job, and try to do about 45-50 hours a week at the new job. It sounds like a great opportunity and you'll kick yourself down the line if you don't take it.

Ask your DH to try and use some of his time to trim as much unnecessary expense as possible (compare every bill provider, cancel every non-essential cost, do your shopping at Aldi / Lidl) and try to pick up some odd jobs to help out (there's always a friend or neighbour somewhere that would be happy to pay £20 for somewhere to do some gardening etc).

You could probably make it work whilst your DH finds a new job.

I think doing a budget would be good idea though.

SoloMummy · 18/09/2020 13:56

Can your oh not get a similar evening job in a res2or pub, so that you can just do the same job as before and you're both working the 30 hours and tag tailing one another re childcare?
Then when he finds a new permanent long term role he would just resign.

Papyrus · 18/09/2020 13:57

Can’t your DH take on some evening work while looking for jobs in his field? That would make more sense then you working crazy hours.

NoSquirrels · 18/09/2020 14:00

You do FT in the job you've been offered.

DH does all school runs and home etc. He also gets a PT evenings and weekends job (restaurant, supermarket, delivery etc.)

You look after DD when DP is at work.

Shared burden.

user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 14:01

If the reason you stopped working was to protect your health then that sounds a really bad idea.

Taking the 30 hours in an environment you know will be healthy sounds a good plan and good opportunity. I would jump at that opportunity.

Trying to do an extra 30 hours somewhere else on top sounds like a recipe for hospitalisation.

Why is your partner not taking work in jobs outside his normal sector?

NoSquirrels · 18/09/2020 14:03

And listen - if your mental health was a concern pre-Covid, you MUST prioritise it now and that means not working yourself into the ground. If things are getting desperate, there's more ways your DH can help than just watching you go under and doing the school runs.

Callybrid · 18/09/2020 14:03

Have you made sure you are claiming all benefit you’re entitled to?

I would not do 60hrs. If you do suffer health wise that potentially leaves you in an even worse place.

If I were you I would accept 37ish hours at the job you like, so normal full time, do as much from home as suits you to lessen commuting time, and cut all expenses as much as possible to try and match your income. See if your DP can get something short term for evenings or weekends to supplement your income.

user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 14:04

It is easier to keep a mental illness in equilibrium with management strategies than it is to claw yourself back from crisis/deterioration due to pushing yourself too hard or binning your management strategies.

You won't be able to earn anything if you break yourself by disregarding the things you need to do to stay healthy and protect your health.

user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 14:04

Are you claiming PIP?

Delatron · 18/09/2020 14:06

Agree. Do not do two jobs whilst your DH is looking.

Take the new job, sounds great. Your DH will need to take on something similar to your restaurant job whilst he is looking. So bar work/ delivery work? Anything to stop you doing 60 hours in two jobs which is ridiculous.

Congratulations on the job!

Lazysundayafternoons · 18/09/2020 14:06

The new job sounds like it would be a really good step for you and as though you would be comfortable there.

I've been working long hours recently and to be honest, I think 50 hours a week is do-able. It will be tough but in the short term its manageable.
60 hours though is too much, I have done it and it's an absolute killer.

PamDemic · 18/09/2020 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pheobeasy · 18/09/2020 14:08

I would take the job you previously enjoyed, and as hard as the job market is at the moment, your DH will have to keep applying for jobs.

ALLIS0N · 18/09/2020 14:08

I can and have worked these hours short term. But I have good health and only you know If you can cope.

Also you need to do NOTHING else, as your Dh is at home full time. He can get all the housework , wifework and child care done in 60 hours a week.

Delatron · 18/09/2020 14:09

Wouldn’t it be better to do full time in new job as it’s better paid? At least until your DH is working again? Would he pull his weight at home? Would that be enough to live off until he finds work? It must be much better paid than the restaurant job.

Ivenamechanged13 · 18/09/2020 14:10

Thank you for the replies. We have budgeted everything and cut down on everything we can. That was how I was able to work out what hours I need to do to at least cover our outgoings.

Dp taking on a temporary job not in is field is a hard one. He has been in the niche field for over 30 years since the day he finished school. Hes worked his way up from the very bottom to director/board level. He has been applying for more junior roles in his area but they all knock him back for being too experienced. He has zero experiance of doing anything else. He is upset at the prospect of spending all those years working hard to climb the ladder to then have to take a more manual job along with a 75%+ pay cut.

I know that if we are desperate then he unfortunately will just need to swallow his pride and except it. That just makes me sad Sad

Part of me thinks if I can just get through a few months doing silly hours then he hopefully wont have to be in that position.

OP posts:
user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 14:15

I'm posting as someone living with serious mental illness, having made the mistake of trying to push myself to work more hours than I was told was "safe" because I just wanted to make myself "normal" and told myself the only reason I couldn't work more was lack of effort/determination. I was wrong.

Wanting to do something and being determined you're going to make yourself do it doesn't actually change the reasons you can't do it. Somebody without health issues being able to work 50 or 60 hours doesn't mean somebody with health issues can!

He needs to swallow his ego and take a temp role. It's not throwing anything away. If he's worried about being judged, who is going to judge someone for taking work to pay the bills? He would be judged for allowing a disabled partner to trash their health to buffer his pride though.

Don't wreck your health to shield his ego. Do you think you considering throwing your health away like this is you taking care of your health appropriately?

ALLIS0N · 18/09/2020 14:16

Ah, so he doesn’t want to do a job below his status. He would rather you worked 60 hours a week doing two jobs.

That’s reasonable Hmm.

user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 14:16

Why is not upset at the prospect of you throwing your health in the dustbin for his ego?

Ivenamechanged13 · 18/09/2020 14:17

We are not in the uk and are claiming the tiny bit of benefits we can. We will obviously lose that when I start doing a "main" job. Even working ft in the new job wont come close to covering the expenses. That's the problem.

He is amazing at home. Already does a huge share of housework, cooking etc. He always has even when working. That's one thing not a worry.

OP posts:
Ivenamechanged13 · 18/09/2020 14:22

He doesnt want me doing those hours. He thinks I will seriously struggle with it. I think hes of the opinion that it will just all come good before we are 100% completely on our arse. I dont think it will and am seriously worried. When it does get to that point then that's when I think he will take any job he can. Until them he is understandably holding off.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/09/2020 14:23

Please don't trash your mental health (and possibly your physical health too) and your DD's chance of spending any time with her mother for the sake of your DP's pride.

No one likes having to take a pay cut or a side step or a job that's not a 'career' job. But needs must.

Clymene · 18/09/2020 14:26

Your mental and physical health is more important than his bruised ego.

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