What are my chances of working these hours and not having a breakdown?

[Ivenamechanged13]

So long story short. Dp and I live together (mortgage) along with my DD (7).
I was a SAHM (mainly due to mental health issues). Dp earned enough to cover expenses and to leave us with money left each month to eat out etc. All was good.

He lost his job due to covid mid March and has had zero luck finding anything since. The jobs just are not there in his field. So we have been living off savings since, they are pretty much gone now.

I got a few hours a week working in a local restaurant but obviously these wages dont even cover the weekly food bill.

Now to the issue I'm needing advice about. An ex boss from about 10 years ago and I bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago. He then contacted me asking if I was looking for work. We meet up for a coffee and a chat and he wants me to go back and work for him. I loved it there and it's a fab place to work. I told him of the problems with childcare on sick days and holidays etc (obs fine at mo whilst Dp is looking for work) and he said they can be flexible with a mix of office and wfh. Hes looking for a min of 30 hours but I can do as many hours as I like. Perfect?

But, to cover the Bill's I would need to be doing about 60 hours a week between both jobs. I'm worried my mental health wont cope. I dont sleep brilliantly and the thought of doing at least 10 hours a day, 6 days a week is already making me panic. I'm worried I will be an exhausted mess and slip backwards health wise.

I know in reality my Dp will find something so this would hopefully only be those hours for 6 months max. I really dont have a choice at the minute, we are getting desperate.

Do you think working those sorts of hours is doable? Dp would take over school runs, housework, cooking etc. Any advice welcome from anyone who does lots of hours etc.

Thanks

Thank you all.

I think I will do ft hours at the new job (no extra) and my 10 hours at the restaurant. That's probably going to be a bit of a push for me but something I'm willing to and think I can maybe push through. I will have a chat with him and explain that any shortfall after that will have to be made up from him finding something.

yeah it's ridiculous that you'll be working 60 hours in two jobs while he does nothing because of his pride!

Can you pass on your restaurant job to him? I'm assuming it pays less than the new one you've been offered, so it'd be better for you to do as many hours as possible in the new job?

even working ft in the new job wont come close to covering the expenses. That's the problem.

Do you have high outgoings or is this not a very well paid job? Or a bit of both (obviously I appreciate your pre-covid wages and lifestyle has little bearing on the situation you find yourself in now - I am not judging).

Can you ask lovely boss for more £?

So you’ve been offered a job, with flexible hours to cover childcare for holidays, poorly child etc, working at a job you loved, for a boss you loved and you’re still finding problems?

Meh! I’m not in a good place today, but even I’m struggling to understand your problem here! Perhaps best you pass it on to someone who’d appreciate it.

@TheOrigRightsofwomen it's down to both. His previous income was circa 70k so our financial commitments are based on that. My new job ft is about 18k.

@CatSmith oh I'm taking the job. Its perfect. That's not the issue at all. Its whether I could manage working 60 hours between new job and pt job I have now.

Could you negotiate more money in new job? Did you discuss salary? As it was ten years ago you worked there hopefully the pay will have gone up?

Sorry, but your DP needs to get a grip of himself and get a job. I have no sympathy for people who won't work in supermarkets because it's "beneath them".

Fuck that shit.

He is upset at the prospect of spending all those years working hard to climb the ladder to then have to take a more manual job along with a 75%+ pay cut

Aww poor sausage. Doing something 'beneath' him to make ends meet.

FFS.

Using all your savings to protect his pride is ridiculous!

I've had Tesco/Ocado deliveries since forever, but definitely weekly since Feb. Many of the delivery people have been really interesting to talk to & had a wide variety of careers ore Covid or well before. Some quite senior jobs.

He needs to step up NOW (well he needed to do it before, but you can't wind back time) & get out and earn some money doing anything he can get.

Honestly 🙄🙄🙄

But no, I think you'd be mad to do 60 hours a week in your situation.

With your new job can you WFH? That'll make a difference to how many hours you can comfortably sustain.

I would have thought that in the current climate with lots of people looking for jobs, potential employers are going to look more favourably on someone who got off their arse and took a temp job to support their family, rather than sat at home doing nothing. I know what would impress me more.

The solution is not for you to work 2 jobs, 1 that you enjoy and another that's just a part time low paid role.

The solution is for you to work 1 job that you will enjoy and your DH to pick up some restaurant or supermarket hours in the evening to supplement while he looks for the right job.

Start your new job.

Tell your DH you know of a great role in a restaurant that's becoming vacant and will tide him over.

before we are 100% completely on our arse. I dont think it will and am seriously worried. When it does get to that point then that's when I think he will take any job he can. Until them he is understandably holding off.

That's not understandable. That's selfish and reckless.

I think going from 10 hours to 50 hours when you have pre-existing health issues is foolish in the extreme, but it's your health so you can trash it if you want to.

Pulling his weight at home doesn't make him "amazing", it's basic.

Hi @Ivenamechanged13

I'm sorry you and your partner are in a tough place, but glad to see you are pulling together. Well done on the jobs (especially the one you've been "headhunted" for and I think you've come to a good decision about balancing the two jobs.

Just remember, when you work from home, to have a properly structured working day and not work past your official hours just because you are at home. Use the non-commute to rest yourself mentally and physically- including making the most of outside spaces when you can.

I know that if we are desperate then he unfortunately will just need to swallow his pride and except it.
I think that time is now.

I totally understand his reasoning about staying in his sector, even to the point of applying for lower graded jobs and how frustrated he must feel a) in having to do so and b) still not being successful. But these are unusual times and he needs to look a bit more outside the box for now, and broaden his search. There is nothing stopping him from continuing to review opportunities in his sector (and networking where possible - which I'm sure he's already doing) whilst still doing a different type of job which brings in a salary.

Good luck to you both, and continue to support each other. 🌹

@user15369525797567

It is easier to keep a mental illness in equilibrium with management strategies than it is to claw yourself back from crisis/deterioration due to pushing yourself too hard or binning your management strategies.

You won't be able to earn anything if you break yourself by disregarding the things you need to do to stay healthy and protect your health.

This is really wise and something I need to remind myself of from time to time.

Do 40 hours or thereabouts, but for the love of God chuck the restaurant job. Doing both will make you ill - and you know that already, which is why you've started a thread about it. PPs have had a great idea - see if you can pass the restaurant job onto your DP.

But the 10 hours at the restaurant can’t bring you in that much extra money that it is worth it for the stress/ tiredness and risk to your mental health.

If he’s not stepping up to sort out your financial situation then you shouldn’t be busting a gut doing two jobs.

Whatever job he gets it’s just temporary until the economy recovers and he can get back in to his field. He should be spending hours searching and applying for jobs every day

Thank you all for the support. Sorry I've not been back, I've just finished a shift at work.

I really am taking everything that's been said on bored.

I suppose I just feel guilty that he has supported my and my DD financially for so long whilst I couldnt work and feel that now i need to "make it up to him". The only reason i can work at the moment is because of the amazing support emotionally that hes given me.

Think we will sit down tomorrow and have a good chat about things. We are a great team, but I think with all the stress that we havent been thinking as rationally as we should have.

Ten hours a day is only 8:30 to 6:30. Perfectly manageable in the short term unless there are long travel times too. You have your husband doing childcare, so no stress there. You still have a day off. In practice it works out not too awful.
I say that as having a husband whose never worked less than about 65 hours over thirty five years. Never had a day off sick either.

As you have all given me some great advice I was wondering if I can ask your opinion on something else work related.

If I was to complete a professional qualification (in the sector I'm taking the ft job in) then I will obviously increase my earnings potential. It should take me about a year to complete. The thing is it will also cost approx 1.5k to complete.

Heres the question. Should I stick the course fees on a credit card and get registered now, therefore giving me something to barter salary on (I will just pay min payments until we are back on our feet financially) or wait until our finances are better and save up to pay the course fees etc? That could mean waiting a minimum of a year before I even get a chance to start.

As an update I had a good chat with Dp. I'm going to work 35 hours in the new job and 10 in my pt job.

Don't work yourself into the ground to save a man's ego. He's not too proud to live off you, is he?

I don't get it OP. Yes, he has supported you and your dd.. But he hasn't made himself physically and mentally exhausted by doing so. That's the road you'll be heading down if you work a 6o hour week with the issues you have.
A job is a job. I've cleaned toilets and scrubbed floors to keep us going when times are hard. He needs to put his pride aside and do a job, any job. You need to work the full time hours at the new job. Forget the restaurant. Or even better DH can work the shifts at the restaurant.
Good luck.

I would NOT put anything on a credit card right now if your DP isn’t working.

Have you checked if you can get any help if you work just the 30 hrs
Or dh could get a part time job to help top off , he should at least be entitled to job seekers for a few months as well which may go a little way to help