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I can never leave my house again

147 replies

mylittleyumyum · 16/09/2020 01:34

Nor can I sleep. Was woken by noises coming from my back garden. Lay in silence straining to hear. Heard a throat being cleared. Definitely someone out there. I swung my legs out of bed, flicked on the security light while simultaneously pulling up my blind. Except it was the switch for my lamp. I stood naked, confused and blinking for a minute peering uselessly at my own reflection, saw movement in next doors garden, then heard my neighbour (male) saying "fucking hell" and sliding his door open to go back inside.
I've been lying here sweating and mortified for 40 minutes. Shit. They are lovely neighbours. Fuck.

OP posts:
vinoandbrie · 16/09/2020 01:38

Oh god, what a nightmare. You will both pretend it never happened and in time it will actually be like it never happened. In the meantime, be like the queen - don’t apologise, don’t explain. Argh.

Sparklfairy · 16/09/2020 01:39

Amazing. You can front this one out. Never ever mention it directly, and whatever you do don't look embarrassed. Then in passing mention that you're going to the GP for help with your sleepwalking Grin

BashfulClam · 16/09/2020 01:41

Ha ha that’s brilliant

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 16/09/2020 01:45

Op you have my deepest sympathies Grin

babycakes1010 · 16/09/2020 01:51

Grins brilliant

WouldBeGood · 16/09/2020 01:52

Oh, @mylittleyumyum 😂😂.

Chouxalacreme · 16/09/2020 01:53

Oh dear god
Hahaha nooo

BuffaloMozzerella · 16/09/2020 01:53


They won't know it was a mistake. They are probably feeling mortified too!

HappyDays10101 · 16/09/2020 02:05

Oh my god, he thinks you flashed him 😀 that has proper made me laugh. I agree with those upthread... pretend it never happened.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/09/2020 02:09

Sorry op but that's hilarious. Pack your bags, leave and never return!

Notapheasantplucker · 16/09/2020 02:10

Ffs 😂😂😂 crying laughing that's brill

nachthexe · 16/09/2020 02:12

Actually, this is brilliant. You will NEVER be irritated by him using the garden noisily during the silent hours again. Genius.
He’s probably planning to sell the house right now. Grin

DowntonCrabby · 16/09/2020 02:16

You can front this one out. Grin

OP you’re a legend.

NiceGerbil · 16/09/2020 02:19

Style it out.

If he's in his garden at half one he's probably pissed and having a cigarette or something.

The only thing to do is be breezy and normal and never ever mention it.

CiCiFreakingBabcock · 16/09/2020 03:42

Grin brill - this is why I wear pyjamas when home alone

AlCalavicci · 16/09/2020 03:56

Oh god grief, you can do two things continue to walk around the house naked and tell him you are practicing to become a naturalist. Or run for the hills without a single backwards glance .

flapjackfairy · 16/09/2020 04:02

I am stuck in hospital with my youngest who has pneumonia and won't sleep. I have just cheered right up reading this as it has really made me giggle ! Sorry ! I do feel your pain.
If it makes you feel any better I was once having my house rewired by an electrician who also attended my church and was a good friend.
One morning I flung open my bathroom door with my knickers round my knees as I was going to reach for something l on the landing problem was . I had forgotten I had given the electrician a key . There he was just reaching the top of my stairs and he saw me in all my glory. There was a moment that seemed to last a long time when we bith just froze and stared in horror at each other before I screamed and slammed the door shut and hid for a while. However I was then forced to tough it out as I could hardly stay in there for the duration of the works. I was mortified at having to face him.
In the British way we both pretended it had never happened but every time I saw him at church it was at the forefront of my mind (
and probably his to be fair ).
So I agree with others carry on regardless and just pretend it never happened.

StoppinBy · 16/09/2020 04:22

Hahaha, the actual story is so much better than what I imagined when I saw the title.

I would just tell him the truth rather than let him come up with ideas on what happened. In all honesty if you don't say anything he will probably think you spotlighted yourself in the window on purpose when you realised he was there. Haha.

TitsOutForHarambe · 16/09/2020 04:33

It never happened. If you hear from anyone that it happened you can inform them that they are mistaken. The neighbour is lying. It never happened.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/09/2020 04:36

*another reason not to sleep naked added to the list

CatSmith · 16/09/2020 04:55

Oh dear, that’s awful. I’d be mortified, but agree with everyone else, you must never mention this but you can mention your sleepwalking problem.

Hopefully he will start to believe he imagined it ?

Ernieshere · 16/09/2020 05:04

He sounds like a nice neighbour for not shouting 'flasher/pervert/what is that?

Dont fall out with them, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush Grin

strangestranger · 16/09/2020 05:09

That's proper funny!

Jeremyironseverything · 16/09/2020 05:14

He won't know that you knew he was out there. As far as he knows you were just looking out of the window in the middle of the night. So you are just a weirdo, rather than a flasher.

Porridgeoat · 16/09/2020 05:21

Pretend like it never happened. If anything’s mentioned have no recollection and claim you sleep walk

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