I'm stupid, please be kind

[imdonenow]

I'm so stupid. I lied about not bf and went and done botox. I wanted to wean off the lo anyway as the lo is coming up to 20 months and I feel very restricted as dc is always attached to me but I've been suffering with some mh issues and randomly decided I needed botox. My self esteem is really bad, my skin, my hair, my teeth, my body isn't the same as over 2 years ago and is bringing me down.

The product they used for 3 area botox is juverderm. I haven't bf for 24 hours but struggling as the lo keeps on following me everywhere and wants a sip. I'm heartbroken, I thought I was ready for this. I want to offer the lo and get back to bf after 48 hours is complete. Has anyone bf after the procedure? I'm pumping and dumping right now and I've been crying as the wasted milk goes down the drain and keep thinking the lo could have had it. Please be kind with your comments as I'm not in a good place right now and regret it.

Hey OP. You should always be honest with your practitioner especially as they are medical procedures. I don't think you would of had juvederm As this is a type of filler. Botox is probably unlikely to do any harm, but as you may be aware there is no research to support this. Perhaps you could try other treatments or interventions to help you with your self esteem? You could try facials? Gym? Massages? I get it, you've not long had a baby and you've been breastfeeding up until now, maybe your just crying out to have your body back? X

Thank you for your reply. Lo just woke up crying hysterically, normally this would be a time for a dream feed. I don't think I will ever get any treatments done for a long time especially during bf. I just feel so helpless, I wish I could just melt it out my system. I heard the botox gets stuck on the muscles and it is too large to go through breast milk. The dosage used, is also not large enough to effect it. I'm still pumping and dumping though but if this continues tomorrow, I'm going to risk it and resume bf. I'm absolutely heartbroken and beating myself up with guilt.

Why don't you just wean now? I'm thinking it might be good for your mental health, and your baby will be perfectly fine. You have nothing to feel guilty over. If you need your body back, take it.

@Aquamarine1029 thank you for your reply. I've been wanting to wean the lo for ages and thought this would be the perfect opportunity but now can't stand watching him cry for breast milk and denying him from it. If I hadn't had Botox, I would have gave in ages ago. I use bf to comfort him. If he falls and starts crying I shove my boob and he stops. If his ill, I shove my boob and if he wakes up screaming, I comfort him with the boobs. I don't have that tool now and I'm going to miss feeding him although it has become a bit pathetic and treats me like a bar :(

Op, it is the perfect opportunity to wean, trust me. Him being upset won't last for long at all. A couple more days and it's a thing of the past. If you want to stop breastfeeding, stop. You will not cause any harm to your child whatsoever.

No judgement here at all if you choose to wean now, but if you do want to continue bf and you're worried about the Botox, you might find some information here on the breastfeeding network website www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-factsheets/ or if not, you could contact Wendy via the Breastfeeding Network drugs in breastmilk Facebook page. She is a pharmacist and very knowledgeable.

This should help.

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/detailed-information/drugs-in-breastmilk/

You can call in the morning too

"If this continues tomorrow, I'm going to risk it and resume bf."

I wouldn't, if I were you. What if there is some ill effect? You'd feel 100x more guilty than you do right now. Whoever gave you the botox wouldn't have asked if it didn't matter, and probably wouldn't have given you it in the first place if you'd been truthful.

It looks like you're going to have to wean now, and getting your body back may even help your self esteem?

It sounds like you're having a tough time, OP. I have no advice about the BF, but I can tell you to be kind to yourself.

Your baby will benefit the most from having a happy and heathy mother. It's important that you take care of yourself as well as your baby.

You have said you use breastfeeding to comfort him in all situations including a ‘dream feed’, it sounds hard work and unhelpful being attached to a toddler like that. Perhaps this is a great opportunity to look at other methods of comfort and parenting

Juvaderm is not Botox - it's filler

You seem to depend too much in your breasts doing the parenting for you. Am I right in thinking your child is 20 months old? They will be getting all their nutrients from their meals not milk. Seems silly to continue when clearly you are finding it tricky.

@RosieLemonade I am aware but it was the only way as he is extremely high needs. I've never had a moment to myself in nearly 2 years unless just right after breastfeeding. It's literally the only way that keeps the lo content for a bit. Constantly whinging and whining. I've spoken to specialists when he was younger to see if there was anything wrong or if I was doing wrong and have always got the answer "some babies are like that". This is one of the reasons why I'm not feeling mentally 100%

Wow @RosieLemonade what an unpleasant first sentence. You do know that OPs breasts are part of her and BF is a completely natural way to comfort a distressed child, right? Presumably you never rely on dummies, teddies, blankets, TV, toys etc to comfort and “parent” your child when they’re tired. distressed, etc? @imdonenow, stop if you want to but make sure it’s YOUR decision, and yours alone. If you do want to carry on I’d second the Breastfeeding Network resource above who will be able to advise you on the risks.

My children were both high needs and it's really hard going - be kind to yourself. Can you give him cow's milk in a bottle instead and a cuddle?

@imdonenow @YorkshireLawyer
Yes I did use dummies etc because it’s important to teach children there is more than one way to seek comfort. At 20 months my daughter had a range of ways to self comfort and I had a range of ways to comfort her myself.

The reason you haven’t had time for yourself in two years is because you keep breastfeeding him and not offering any other way for him to comfort himself. Stop being a martyr and then moaning about it.
You could have offered him other solutions and still breastfed at other times.

Dont beat yourself up. Agree with another poster, give him cows milk and a cuddle. It was time to wean him off anyway.

Thank you all for your replies. He does use dummies but as he is older now, he just refuses it as a comforting tool and literally throws it across the room if I dare to use it when I try comfort him. He only uses it before he is about to fall asleep after being bf. With comfort toys, I got him so many blankets/soft toys and he hasn't formed any attachment to any of them unfortunately. I gave him warm cows milk and mixed a banana in it as he loves bananas but only took a few sips last night and this morning when he woke up again a few sips.

Thank you everyone. I've spoken to Breastfeeding helpline and they have reassured me. I feel a lot better now and really appreciate everyone's input 🙏

Mind sharing what they told you?

But did you tell them you’d had Botox and they advised you based on that? Because juvaderm isn’t Botox

@Shaynap84 do you think that the OP is still worrying about this 18 months on?

Zombie thread. Shay I'm sure you can call them yourself if you want to know :)

Ah well done getting proper advice, don't be too hard on yourself!!

Lol.. just was curious.