Struggling with homework for 5 year old

[Aria2015]

My lo is the youngest in class. Just turned 5 and in year 1. By the time he comes home from school he is sooo tired and so we put him to bed early at around 6.30pm. So between school finishing and bed we have to squeeze in dinner, bath and stories.

He had 'homework' in reception but it was to do over the weekend which was fine. He had lots of time to play etc... and we fit the homework in when he wasn't too tired and the promise of something fun to do afterwards.

The problem we're having in year 1 is, that he has weekly reading and spelling homework that requires him to essentially do homework after school most days (if not every day) and we're really struggling. He's coming home and crying almost straight away at the prospect of having to do it.

I've tried to let him relax first and then do a bit bit of course he's tired because it's later in the day. I've tried getting it out the way and tackling it as soon as he gets home but this seems to be the worst and he'll just cry throughout.

I'm feeling really down about it because we only have a couple of hours from him getting home to going to bed and it seems such a shame that he's getting so upset over it and of course it's a struggle for me too.

What do other parents of young children do? Any advice on how we could make this easier on both of us?

Watching with interest. Thought we would have the same issues, but instead they all got sent home today as there is covid in the class.

My advice. Put your child's wellbeing first and don't do it!

Have you spoken to the teacher about it?

I have been very slack on homework with ds. We do what we can but I never push it and never have. I think it's stupid. I didn't get homework until secondary school.

Speak to the teacher. Let them know how exhausted he is, and ask what they would suggest.

When my dd was that age we worked reading into our bedtime routine. So once she was in her PJ's we snuggled up and read a story together. She would read her book to me (with loads of encouragement and praise, occasionally bribery) then I would read a better story to her (because let's face it, the reading scheme books are mostly dull stories). We still do it now and she's year 6! Tbh I'm very ready for that to stop but she loves it and wants to continue, so we do. They don't even need to read loads, just a page or two.

I never bothered with spellings at that age, reading is more important in the early years. Developing phonics knowledge is good for their spellings later on, so if you're only going to get one thing done pick reading.

My son is in yr one and doesn’t have homework - seems to depend on the school. I would take a break from it while he settles into the new school year and choose to read at other times - 15 mins on the sofa after breakfast on the weekend. Spellings you could do if you wanted when out and about eg we’re going to the park, how do you spell that? Etc

Haven't spoken to the teacher yet. He's only just gone back so it's all quite new. I'll happily talk to the teacher if it proves an ongoing issue though and we can't get to a better place.

I know he has to learn and I want him too but it does break my heart when he's in tears nearly as soon as he gets home. I also feel like it's building a negative association with learning. I mean I know homework isn't fun for most children, but it shouldn't be causing distress surely?

@Aria2015

Haven't spoken to the teacher yet. He's only just gone back so it's all quite new. I'll happily talk to the teacher if it proves an ongoing issue though and we can't get to a better place.

I know he has to learn and I want him too but it does break my heart when he's in tears nearly as soon as he gets home. I also feel like it's building a negative association with learning. I mean I know homework isn't fun for most children, but it shouldn't be causing distress surely?

Exactly! Nice stories as part of normal bedtime. Anything else a bonus. You can build it up later. It's fine.

Let the teacher know he's too tired and finds it distressing.

Fighting and getting them distressed is not an effective mindset for learning and does more harm than good.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. He’s only 5. If he’s too tired, he doesn’t do it. You could try doing it in the mornings.

Homework at primary age is not appropriate. All they need is to have stories read to them as many evenings as possible. They do their learning at school.
Mine did no homework until after they were 11.

The aim of education should be to encourage a love for learning through children's natural curiosity. Homework at such a young age is counter productive.

Reading together as a routine calming, or explorative event is important not homework.

There are other ways

Spelling - get some bath letters and he can do a few words in the bath

You could also ask in the car in the morning - when he’s in a better place.

Reading - in bed before his story read by you.

We are not setting any homework at all and there is a general feeling that parents and pupils are happier as there is no pressure to complete it. Teachers are happy because we don't have to set and mark it.

To be honest once this is all over I will be very surprised if we go back to setting homework.

Do you have enough time in the mornings to sit together and do a bit of reading before breakfast maybe?

I wouldn't do it unless he wants to or you have time to do it together at weekends. There is no evidence homework at this age makes any difference.

I agree with @MsAwesomeDragon - first of all talk to school, ditch spellings during the week (if you learned five Y1 common tricky words each weekend, that would be fine IMO) and just read every night.

Make it part of the routine that he reads for about 10 mins then you read however many picture books he fancies. Regular reading is definitely the way forward. If he resists, drop it down to one or two pages per night but don’t stop altogether. Most children hit a sticky period (or mega-sounding out period) but if you persevere they usually find things easier all of a sudden.

I would speak to the teacher sooner rather than later. S/he might see your point and be able to sort it then and there by reducing, or being flexible about doing some over the weekend.

Even at my secondary, we've moved to never giving a deadline shorter than 7 days as we appreciate that not every child goes to the same house each night, some have extra activities, some parents work etc. It helps them make the workload fit into their individual lives.

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate them. I personally think homework at 5 is madness but it seems to be the norm at the schools around where we are.

For those who have suggested the mornings, it would be a struggle to be honest as he's not a morning person lol! Weekends are fine, we can pick a time he's rested and willing but he has a weekly spelling test on a Friday so that makes practicing the spelling just at weekends hard.

It's encouraging those who have said to focus on bedtime reading. We read to him every night before bed, have done since he was tiny. Usually 2-3 books which he's always enjoyed. I like the idea of maybe getting him to do a tiny bit of reading ahead of us reading to him. It's something I'll try. I think it will be dependent on how tired he is though.

I definitely won't put too much pressure on him in these early weeks and see if he builds up a bit of stamina for the school day as he settles in. I'll definitely speak with the teacher if things don't seem to improve though.

Don’t spend your weekend with homework - that time is for family, friends and playing.

Homework for a tiny child is ridiculous. Tell the teacher you will only do it when your DC asks to. Other than that, it’s not happening.

Ex early years teacher here and I wonder if it’s worth asking nicely for some of it in advance?

If you were able to the get spellings, for example, on the Friday before or even get a little print out of all the months coming spelling you could do the bulk of practice at the weekend and then just do a really quick refresher midweek. I definitely wouldn’t have minded doing that for a family struggling with homework.

Our DCs' school have always said that homework is mainly optional (bar the odd thing where they, eg, have to take a photo that they'll discuss in class or something). Have a word with the teacher; explain that he's very tired and getting distressed about it. Chances are they'll say to leave it for now; if not, you can always just refuse to do it.

Personally I like homework because it lets me see what the kids have been up to in school, but we get given a couple of tasks on Monday which don't have to be done until Friday, and they're mostly 5-minute things that are reasonably fun. I wouldn't be a fan of spellings for a 5yo.

Don't do it. Homework for such tiny ones is counterproductive, unless they really want to do it. I never did homework apart from reading with dd in Yr1. The teacher never chased her or me up for it. Most teachers don't want to set it either but do because (apparently...) lots of parents want it (teacher here).

For those who say I should push back with the teacher and say we'll only do homework if he asks or is keen, would that not look like I'm not supporting his learning? He's already the youngest in the class and a boy (both of which numerous people have told me are to his disadvantage) so I'm worried about him falling behind.

I do want to support his learning, just not at expense of his wellbeing. That's why I'm hoping to find some sort of balance where we are seen to be making an effort at home, but without it causing him distress.

For me the biggest issue is the pressure of the weekly spelling test but maybe if we focus on the reading as lots of people on this thread have suggested, the spelling will follow naturally?