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Original poster

Paying board to my parents

75 replies

samjamsam · 14/09/2020 19:55

How much should I offer to pay a month.

I will start a new job on about 35k. DSis earns about 70k. Should we pay the same?

Parents mortgage all paid off so no housing costs, just bills.

OP posts:
JimMaxwellantheshippingforcast · 15/09/2020 02:11

@polkadotpixie it's £40 a week.
I have 3 children and 2 of them started their working lives in jobs which paid every 4 weeks.

Then the third started work in a job which paid monthly and we felt it unfair to ask £160 per month from him when the other two paid 13 times a year.
Now I only have two at home paying board and both are in a monthly paying job so pay £173 a month

Pixxie7 · 15/09/2020 03:14

I agree with pp I didn’t charge mine anything, I would rather they saved for their future.

boredsolicitor · 15/09/2020 03:18

I wouldn't charge mine either . Seems very odd to go do so . May be I would if they were still at home in 30s but not otherwise

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General money
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 15/09/2020 06:22

samjamsam given your update just split the bills including food four ways and each pay your 1/4 and make sure that you pull your weight cooking and cleaning 1/4 of the share. Make sure that you save as much as possible each month, a minimum of whatever you expect your monthly mortgage payment to be. That should be easily doable just paying bills.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/09/2020 06:38

I dont understand the 'i dont agree with charging them anything' mentality...surely part of being a responsible parent is to teach your children to pay their way in life and that nothing comes for free....

AlwaysLatte · 15/09/2020 06:47

@Aquamarine1029
This is how cocklodgers and spongers are made.
My SCs are in their 30s now and far from that.
It's one of the only ways young people will manage to save for a deposit these days.

KihoBebiluPute · 15/09/2020 06:59

the fact that their mortgage is paid off shouldn't mean you get to love rent free, you should also pay some rent - maybe not a lot but look on spareroom.co.uk to get a feel for the local market rate for a lodging room of a similar size to yours and use that to decide a reasonable amount. your parents have every tight to benefit from the asset they own in this way. they may choose to gift that money back to you when you are ready to buy a house but they don't have to.

agree with pp you and your sister each count as 25% of the household as adults now and should each pay 25% of all running costs. the fact that she earns twice what you do is also irrelevant. (it would be relevant if one of you was on minimum wage but your salary is plenty, you can pull your full weight)

once the numbers are agreed, make sure you channel the majority of what is left over into a lifetime ISA or similar scheme. do not get accustomed to treating larger sums as disposable income. it is easy to expand your expectations to fit the funds available and there's always more stuff you can spend money on no matter what your budget limit is. the key to contentment is to manage your expectations and live as if your income is less than it is. if you get used to spending everything you earn, you will soon feel trapped into a situation where you feel you can't afford to move out of your parents home.

Standrewsschool · 15/09/2020 07:01

I’m also curious at what jobs pay £35 and £70 at 22 and 24 years old. They’re good salaries.

Porridgeoat · 15/09/2020 07:01

1/4 of the bills if a long term thing. Sisters income is irrelevant

If youre saving For a mortgage less would be fine and rent can be a token gesture instead

HolyForkinShirt · 15/09/2020 07:16

Charging DC rent depends on each parent's circumstances. For example my parents didn't charge me rent as such. I paid them cash each month, but it was put into a savings account for when I bought my first property. At the time I didn't realise they were putting the money to one side for me. So it did teach me the life lesson of budgeting and rent.

They didn't particularly need the rent money, and it got me on the property ladder much faster.

LUZON · 15/09/2020 08:00

How the flip have you both got such well
Paying jobs?
70K at 24 is very good and £35k at 22 isn't bad either.

My 24 year old isn't paying a single penny but is moving out soon.

How much you contribute depends on all sorts. Do you parents want a contribution or not? Are you planning on moving out soon? How much do you help around the house?

BarbaraofSeville · 15/09/2020 08:01

I agree with pp I didn’t charge mine anything, I would rather they saved for their future

I think on £35k and £70k they have enough money to save for their future, have a damn good time right now and pay a decent contribution towards the running costs of the household.

Somewhere in the ballpark of the cost of a houseshare wherever they are, maybe at least £3-400 pm. Just because the parents are mortgage free doesn't mean that they have lots of disposable income. They could have bought their house when prices were much lower, had a mortgage of £2/300 pm and be in minimum wage jobs.

Itisbetter · 15/09/2020 08:07

Cost of average room in a shared house in your area, plus a third of the bills. “Living at home to save for a deposit” is actually asking your parents to to sub you. Give them the cash, if they want to help they’ll give it to you and you can say “thank you”.

PegasusReturns · 15/09/2020 08:08

@Aquamarine1029

I don’t understand the attitude that if you don’t charge your DC how will they know better Confused

Presumably you have raised your DC to respect themselves and others. That doesn’t come from paying a cheque to mum and dad every month.

I find the idea of compelling your DC to “pay their way” fascinating and so reflective of how much society values the status of remunerated work, whilst disregarding family, charity, community and art.

LUZON · 15/09/2020 08:13

I dont understand the 'i dont agree with charging them anything' mentality...surely part of being a responsible parent is to teach your children to pay their way in life and that nothing comes for free

That isn't a hard concept to grasp though. Our adult kids are lucky and get a lot of financial help from us. Yet they are all very hard working, aren't the least bit entitled and are all very sensible with their money.

Obviously there is nothing wrong with charging your kids if you want though.

If my kids were lazy/entitled it would be a different matter.

Notfeelinggreattoday · 15/09/2020 08:15

Up to your parents really
I agree in charging though as helps teach life isn't free , if you are lucky to not need rent then put it to one side and save it , but some parents will be on minimum wage and having to feed adult dc etc isn't cheap and they won't be getting cb etc to help out once child is working , not everyone is in a position to not charge a penny.
But whatever your parents are happy with, i paid mine £100 a month nearly 30 years ago and only bought home £470 , where as my cousins now earn £30000 and pay my auntie asks them for £120 a month , but they don't need money whereas my parents did

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/09/2020 08:16

I find the idea of compelling your DC to “pay their way” fascinating and so reflective of how much society values the status of remunerated work, whilst disregarding family, charity, community and art.

It's much more fascinating to consider the demographics on MN - as very clearly demonstrated by ALL threads on this topic.

I don't know ANYONE who can afford NOT to charge their adult kids bed and board. Immediate adjustments to loss of benefits, CM, council tax adjustments etc make it hard to families or single parents to adjust quickly enough. As long as the kids use gas and electricity, toiletries, eat, etc they have to pay their keep. It's one of the realities of life that makes it harder for kids to leave home. Nobody can afford it!

BarbaraofSeville · 15/09/2020 08:20

I find the idea of compelling your DC to “pay their way” fascinating and so reflective of how much society values the status of remunerated work, whilst disregarding family, charity, community and art

Family, charity, community and art are all very well, but at the end of the day everyone has living costs and if you don't contribute financially, someone else has to and not everyone has the means or desire to pay the costs of another adult so they don't have to work in a paid job.

Fine if you can afford it, or benefit from the arrangement, eg SAHP or other domestic responsibility, but otherwise, why should anyone expect this?

Notfeelinggreattoday · 15/09/2020 08:23

@CuriousaboutSamphire i said same keeping adult children on a low wage is not possible for many so paying their way is a neccisity

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 15/09/2020 08:23

PegasusReturns do you/ would you make it a condition of adult children living with you that they engage extensively with charity, community and art and spend more than an average amount of time with extended family, in lieu of a financial contribution? Your argument seems to be trying to show horn completely unrelated concerns in, if not.

thecognoscenti · 15/09/2020 08:25

Surely you pay whatever your parents choose to charge you. If you don't like it you can move out. Your sister's earnings presumably don't influence how much electricity she uses or the Council Tax bill so aren't particularly relevant unless your parents want them to be.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 15/09/2020 08:26

thecognoscenti she's said her parents don't mind and left it to her to decide.

emptyshelvesagain · 15/09/2020 08:28

@myusernamewastakenbyme

I dont understand the 'i dont agree with charging them anything' mentality...surely part of being a responsible parent is to teach your children to pay their way in life and that nothing comes for free....

You can teach them to 'pay their way' at any age though. You don't need to go down the route of taking a percentage of their paper round when they are 13 (which I have seen on here) to do it. Being 22 and not paying board doesn't mean you don't know that you have to pay for things or that you won't succeed in life. My eldest is 19 and she doesn't pay a penny to live here however she is saving hard to afford a deposit on her own place in the future. It's my job as her parent to help her get on as an adult, not to make it harder for her.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/09/2020 08:29

It's my job as her parent to help her get on as an adult, not to make it harder for her. Which is nice, if you can afford it.

As ever these threads are one of those moments where checking your privilege is a good idea!

SnowsInWater · 15/09/2020 08:31

I can't imagine charging my kids board. When DS1 lived at home and was working (gf usually here too) I expected them to buy their own food if they couldn't commit to meal times but nothing else. They were welcome to bread, milk, fruit, pasta etc. If they were having a wild lifestyle I couldn't afford I might have felt different. DS2 is a 21yo Uni student with a part time job. As long as he can fund his own social life I'm happy. I grew up in a family with very little money and had a part time job from 14, my parents were horrified at me offering to pay for anything other than the occasional treat

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