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Original poster

What do you class as a high earner?

164 replies

hellomary · 14/09/2020 16:36

Since lockdown and lack of job security me and dp have had a difference of opinion as to earnings. He seems to think we are very badly off and I do not. He isn’t sleeping saying we are going to live a miserable life when he loses his job (he’s probably about to) and I dared to say last night...in effort to comfort him and snap him out of this pity, that I was a high earner and we would be ok while he looked for another job.

Well he went crazy at me. From shock that he thought I could possibly believe I was a high earner to worry that I had no ambition to do better and that I was ‘clearly deluded’ if I thought my pay was in a high earner bracket. I feel upset about the whole thing, we earn similar amounts so it wasn’t said to patronise him or make him feel he’s not enough, I was simply trying to get him to appreciate we are in a lucky position compared with others.

He’s gone out on the longest walk I’ve even known today and I’ve been worrying myself about money. Was I a dick for saying this?

OP posts:
littlekipling · 14/09/2020 18:07

It's all relative- we earn around £100k combined (live in a fairly expensive part of South West) and every day I wonder where all our money goes. We don't really go on holidays (we do go camping etc in UK) and we both barely drink (neither smoke) we don't have expensive clothes or expensive hobbies/ pastimes but we don't have very much money at all. We have a lot of financial obligations (high mortgage and our council tax is £3000 a year) and we also have deads (which were added to when my partner got made redundant in 2018 and we're just trying to recover from now). We definitely have to budget and if one of us gets made redundant (which my partner is currently at risk of) we would be at risk of losing our house. High earnings don't always equal comfortable. He sounds like he's under immense pressure and it may be best to give him a bit of space then try ask him his thoughts when he's calmed down. He shouldn't have been crappy with you but money and financial security can cause all kinds of intense stress and pressures so might be best to excuse him this once (put it down to stress) and see if you can find out what's going on in his head. He probably isn't even thinking about what hes saying and maybe hes got deep seated issues about being financially reliant on someone else. I definitely do and its made me behave very out of character when I've had my financial independence threatened so think i can imagine what he may be feeling. He has no right to put you down about your earnings and earning potential though- he sounds a bit rattled and insecure around it all xx

Alarae · 14/09/2020 18:07

100k for me.

Ditheringdooley · 14/09/2020 18:07

@Pipandmum £500k you’re talking top 0.1%!

littlekipling · 14/09/2020 18:08

meant to say debts not deads... doh

roarfeckingroarr · 14/09/2020 18:08

£100k +

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/09/2020 18:08

If by north of Birmingham you mean Sutton Coldfield or four oaks I can see why he’s panicked. It’s a little bubble.

He shouldn’t be going awol though, it’s very childish of him.

PremierInn · 14/09/2020 18:08

100k but probably both on that (or other on at least 50k) for it to feel 'high earner'
50k up would be 'good wage' just imo

Ditheringdooley · 14/09/2020 18:11

Also, OP I think men feel v different about money and things. Huge generalisation but their confidence and self worth is much more tied to job, income etc. Any threats to that will be felt deeply.

So it’s not really about the numbers but as other wiser posters have said, about contribution and worth. For good or for bad, women are more easily allowed to have their contribution and roles based on things other than work. Less the case for men.

These gender norms are harmful for men and women - what I’m saying is descriptive, not suggesting it is as it should be.

Chloemol · 14/09/2020 18:12

At £62k you are a high earner

But it’s all relative, do you sound it all? Or can you afford to live comfortably on that, maintaining existing lifestyle? Is that what he is concerned about

CarlottaValdez · 14/09/2020 18:12

I consistently feel it’s about double my salary. As others have said it depends what your partner earns. I earn about 125k but partner is mostly a SAHD and earns about 10k in a good year. I feel like if he earned say 30k we’d be minted but I dare say it would feel different if we got there.

Plussizejumpsuit · 14/09/2020 18:13

I'd say 80 to 100k but London and SE that doesn't go as far! I also think it depends on if you have a double or single income. Eg 80k plus another average salary vs 80k as a solo earner. Your 62k is what I would say is pretty decent. My partner earns just over 50k and I had 2 months out of work between contracts at the start of the year. We were absolutely fine financially. So I find it hard to imagine you will be skint on your salary alone!

Also the sector you work in is relevant. In my area of the cultural sectors 62 k is near ceo level. So you certainly would not have a lack of ambition although I do understand in some sectors its more middle managment.

Devlesko · 14/09/2020 18:14

Anything over 20k although I know this isn't a reality, for most.
I have a ds who earns 200k, I know this isn't reality for most.

Lesson in life: If you want your kids to grow up into high earners, bring them up frugally.
Not being serious there.

movingonup20 · 14/09/2020 18:16

I would say £60k, the threshold you don't get any child benefit but if you are a lone parent in the se that won't make you feel rich! We are definitely high earners so will never dream of moaning about money

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2020 18:17

I also think 100 plus.

I think for two people to bring in 62 between them it is not high earning status and is the same as 32 each, so I see his point.

user32723 · 14/09/2020 18:28

National Living Wage full time hours is what, 15k? So anything 30 and over is high in my opinion. I'd ball park it at 40k and over though.

CheetasOnFajitas · 14/09/2020 18:28

100k is the threshold not to get 30 free preschool hours I think.

silverbubbles · 14/09/2020 18:34

You are a high earner.

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/09/2020 18:40

Six figure salary.

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2020 18:43

@user32723

National Living Wage full time hours is what, 15k? So anything 30 and over is high in my opinion. I'd ball park it at 40k and over though.
The average Salary in the uk is 29k. So 30 cannot logically be deemed as a high earner. It may be high in relation to minimum wage, but it’s not high in relation to averages.
VestroPrincipiDivino · 14/09/2020 18:46

Lol at living a "mediocre lifestyle" on 100k in the southeast. Capitalism and consumerism have really done a number on us.

Movinghouseatlast · 14/09/2020 18:46

The issue here I think is he feels his masculinity is somewhat challenged by you earning more than him.

Lots of men, even subconsciously, feel they have to be the provider and when they are not they feel a failure.

I would say £100k plus is a high earner in a major city. But this is not what his anger is about.

Yerroblemom1923 · 14/09/2020 18:47

Think the average family income is currently £30,000 so I'd say £50,000 + is high earner (although the extra tax prob knocks it down again) We're not in London though so sure it's a lot higher there.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 14/09/2020 18:47

@hellomary

Live north of Birmingham. I earn 62 which usually goes up 4K a year.

Just disappointed that he has attacked me like this, we have enough money and him losing his job isn’t actually going to change much! He’s not been in contact all day since 11am

This isn't about you though, you realise that don't you? Your DP is having an emotional reaction to the looming loss of his job. Please try not to make it about you and how he's "disappointed" you.

It's not just about lifestyle, it's about his identity, potentially the course of the rest of his life etc. Try not to get down into facts. He needs time and space to calm down, squabbling about who is right regarding earnings, while dismissing his anxieties as baseless, is really not going to help him. His anxieties aren't about the money, they're about him and how he feels.

My dp has gotten like this before. He struggles to name his feelings so when he's very anxious he goes in circles with facts and concepts. The solution is to just be a calm presence and don't argue with your dp for now, let him have his feelings, it's a scary time for him.

You can't solve his feelings for him, he just needs to go through this stage in accepting change without someone telling him he's wrong. Be supportive, focus on him and not yourself. He is in distress. He isn't going to get things right today.

polkadotpixie · 14/09/2020 18:48

I think £62K is definitely a high earner!

To me anything over £30K is a good wage and anything over £50K is a high earner

I do live in the East Midlands and earn £18K for a full time job though so I guess it's all relative, to someone living in London earning £80K it wouldn't be classed as a high earner

Teateaandmoretea · 14/09/2020 18:53

I think for two people to bring in 62 between them it is not high earning status and is the same as 32 each, so I see his point.

But he isn’t going to be unemployed forever is he?