What do you class as a high earner?

[hellomary]

Since lockdown and lack of job security me and dp have had a difference of opinion as to earnings. He seems to think we are very badly off and I do not. He isn’t sleeping saying we are going to live a miserable life when he loses his job (he’s probably about to) and I dared to say last night...in effort to comfort him and snap him out of this pity, that I was a high earner and we would be ok while he looked for another job.

Well he went crazy at me. From shock that he thought I could possibly believe I was a high earner to worry that I had no ambition to do better and that I was ‘clearly deluded’ if I thought my pay was in a high earner bracket. I feel upset about the whole thing, we earn similar amounts so it wasn’t said to patronise him or make him feel he’s not enough, I was simply trying to get him to appreciate we are in a lucky position compared with others.

He’s gone out on the longest walk I’ve even known today and I’ve been worrying myself about money. Was I a dick for saying this?

Above 40k is comfortable, and above 60k would be a high earner to me.

I am in London so I tend to think of six figures as a high earner.

OP you are well paid. The real issue is what are your outgoings like. Earnings are meaningless if you are spending it all.

£60k and above, naturally living in SE means that money doesn't go as far but given the tax banding and lack of official support (like child benefit) at that pay bracket then that's the start of being a high earner in my books.

It's more than double the national average.

Live north of Birmingham. I earn 62 which usually goes up 4K a year.

I think you're a high earner.

To check it out I made a few assumptions and compared you on this website: www.ifs.org.uk/tools_and_resources/where_do_you_fit_in

This was assuming you only have your income, assuming you pay into pension and take home around £3300 after deductions, assuming you have no kids and assuming council tax is 2k a year. If that's true, even with one income, you are wealthier as a couple than 72% of the UK population. Definitely, therefore, a high earner in my eyes.

If you earn 62k and don't live in an expensive area I would say you are more than comfortable. He's behaving like a dick but is clearly very worried about his job situation.

You have a great salary and you are right BUT he might just be stressing out at the idea of being a 'kept man'.

Many men are brought up to believe their value in the family is as a provider. This might just be an identity crisis for him.

Anyone that pays 40% tax on their earnings over the limit.

He probably feels a bit threatened/bad about stuff. Maybe he felt you were rubbing it in, he’s lost his job but you’re bringing a decent wage in.?

I know you weren’t. Just trying to reassure him. Ignore him, he’s stressed and worried.

You are clearly earning well for where you live. And if you can manage your outgoings on your salary alone then you have nothing financial to worry about. You do, however, have the fact that your husband is behaving like a complete arsehole to worry about. Is this kind of behaviour normal for him? Angry, unkind, aggressive? If not then he may be heading for a breakdown. If it’s normal then he’s a dick and you should consider spending some of your earnings on a solicitor’s appointment.

@MysweetAudrina

Anyone who earns more than I do.

I feel the same. Almost embarrassed to say on this thread that I think anyone on 30k plus is a high earner! If I earned 25k a year I would feel very rich I am in SE For context

It's quite relative - I am a very low earner, so almost anyone seems like a high earner to me lol.
But objectively speaking, I would say in London and environs, £100k and above.

I would say at £62k you are a high earner, you should be proud of yourself, and he's being a man-baby because he knows his wealthy, successful wife is about to out-earn him.

I'm on furlough and probably going to lose my job too. I'm not planning on sitting around biting people's heads off, I'm prepping for the interview carousel. He could be content with his successful wife and comfortable family finances, but instead he's choosing to be a dick about it.

You were not in the wrong.

£62k with annual £4k raises north of Birmingham makes you a high earner I would think.

My husband walks brings home around £50,000 after tax, not what most on here would class as a high earner but we live in Scotland, are childfree by choice and are very comfortable on that money. I am an self employed and my income varies a lot so we don't count on it but it can be a nice added income!

You really shouldn't pander to these tantrums. I'd order a takeaway (enough for him to warm up, too) and open a bottle of wine and put my feet up in front of Netflix. I wouldn't contact him in any way. He'll come back when he's finished sulking - on no account should you apologise to him.

I'd say joint income of £100,000 would make you high earners. But so much depends on lifestyle and outgoings.

He's probably just lashing out in anger because he is scared. You earn a good amount but if your household income halves if he list his job, then it would have an impact on you. He may struggle with the idea of being unemployed. He may he terrified he will struggle in this climate to get another job. It's about him, not you OP

I would say at £62k you are a high earner, you should be proud of yourself, and he's being a man-baby because he knows his wealthy, successful wife is about to out-earn him

This. When I lived in London I was on less than that and still felt extremely comfortable.

In terms of worrying about money, does your wage alone cover all your outgoings? If so – no worries!

I don't think he really is upset over the definition of whether you're a high earner. He must be feeling stressed about paying bills etc in your current and near future and whether or not that's a justified stress is almost irrelevant to him.
You might have sounded a bit dismissive of his worries if you said it was all fine because of your salary. And maybe he's feeling a bit inferior if he has to rely on your income for a while?
Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a constructive look at incomings, outgoings, savings etc to put his mind at rest.

I think this one is deeper and more complex than what the conversation was about on the surface.

To answer your direct question, personally I'd class 150k plus as 'high earner' but I'm in (relatively) central London. And tbh I don't think this is really about figures at all.

My guess would be that he's feeling unwanted/unneeded/surplus to requirements at work (if as you say he's likely to be losing his job soon). He lashed out at you at that point in your conversation because in a way, by trying to show that things would be fine if he lost his job, you (to his wrong-headed thinking) underlined that idea that he and his job is of little consideration.

Maybe a lot of his personal identity is bound up in his work and career and he's struggling with processing the potential loss of that. Actually he's probably not pissed off with you at all; he's pissed off with his company, his boss, coronavirus, automation, Brexit... whatever combination of factors it is that's contributing to his job being under threat.

Of course, you don't deserve to be yelled at and belittled, and likewise his position doesn't really stand up to scrutiny. Obviously you will make your own decision about whether that kind of thing is acceptable to you and/or needs calling out within the context of your relationship.

Surely the point isn’t about the definition of higher earner but whether or not your wage covers the outgoings.

It entirely depends on your circumstances as to how 'wealthy' you feel;

if you are a single person, or a couple with no children, have no mortgage or a small mortgage, then you are going to feel a lot better off on, eg 50k than a family with a big mortgage, 3 or 4 children (including a couple at university) and perhaps an elderly relative in a care home to fund.

I wouldn’t be quaking in my boots at the thought of surviving on 62k a year unless you have a 500k mortgage or something.

About a million for a high earner on MN OP. It’s a bizarre question because loads of people really struggle on MN and the others earn ££££££££.

I suppose I'd say £80k+ is obvious 'high earner' territory (maybe top 5%?) but actually I view £60k+ as a high salary and £40-60k as in the 'doing very well' range.

Average household income is about £45k, individual FT is still around £26 isn't it?

So the reality if that £30+ is a good salary and anything above £45k is doing rather nicely.

I'm sure your DP is very stressed if he's about to lose his job. It IS reassuring that you can manage with one salary but that might not affect the total lack of control that he feels right now.

I’d say 80+