So what on earth should I do now?

[WhatTheFudgesicles]

Imagine you were in my exact situation, what would you do?

• SAHM
• Two pre-school DC, not in nursery
• Live with DP and FIL
• Very limited access to money
• NOT a begging thread, not asking for anything but advice. The only reason I've changed my name is because this is so bloody embarrassing, but I have a long posting history.

FIL decided to start some 'home improvements' which involved piling all furniture over one side of the room, removing front room wallpaper, cutting bricks out of the wall, digging out holes for cables () , DP has been helping him with all of this. They have a difference of opinion about virtually every step. Every day I've been taking DC out for walks for up to four hours to ensure they have time and space to work. (I've lost a few pounds so that's a silver lining). There are no other parts of the house that DC can safely play, so the front room is key here. When I come back, barely anything has been done, because DP and FIL have been arguing for most of it. DP and FIL had an explosive argument and now all work has stopped, nothing has progressed in three days. Right now as I type, the carpet is covered in soot and dust from the old fireplace bricks, there's rubble everywhere, power tools all over the place, I mean I could go on. It's a hazard. DC's hands and feet are black after 10 minutes of playing on the floor, so I put down blankets. FIL has decided he is now going to flounce and stay with SIL for god knows how long. DP goes back to work on Monday, and is quite frankly in one of the most depressive spirals I've ever seen him in. He's snappy (barking at me and DC for anything), emanating rage and completely sedentary. In practical terms, I'm a single mum to two small kids living on a building site (probably an exaggeration). I don't have anywhere appropriate I can stay for an extended period of time. If I could, I'd pay for a beautiful hotel suite to stay for a month or so and tell DP and FIL to do one. Or pay for a team of decorators to swoop in and fix everything, then tell DP and FIL to do one. Or move to a new house, far far away, and tell DP and FIL to do one. I'm a bit of a clean freak anyway so this is honestly making my skin crawl.

So. What would you do? I'd appreciate practical advice. Because come on, this has to be a unique situation, where on earth do I start? I looked into carpet cleaning and I could stretch to afford it, but DP won't want me to put anything away or put the furniture back. If I could, I'd single handedly fill in the holes, paint the walls, clean the carpet and put all the furniture back. I'm very interested to know what options I'm missing here, because I'm at my wits end

@MsTSwift

I would be extremely worried that I was an unmarried sahm with no private income. You are in a very vulnerable situation

This, with bells on.

Ok this is really not good
I would tell dp he is taking the kids out for at least three hours this afternoon while you put your plan into making a suitable clean space for you and the dcs Into action
If that means the bedroom will turn into you and the dcs living and okay area then so be it
Can you shame them through any other family or friend by asking them all if someone could put you and dcs up for a few days until dp and fil finish room with a photo of the room!

I would focus on a long-term plan for you and your children

I would do anything to get out of there. Don't confuse depression with laziness and the desire to give up on difficult tasks.

I think the two of you spend what's left of today cleaning and then live with the unfinished work for now. Clear up the rubble and soot and ignore the rest, or if he really won't, he takes DC out while you do. At this point it's not about who should do it but about getting it done.

Then have a serious review of your living arrangements. You're in such a precarious position.

I've tried to be understanding with regards to the depression, and I've made so many allowances and even sacrifices up until this point, but now I can't bring myself to do it any more. It's not fair on DC.

I hadn't thought about the idea of telling him to take them out for a walk and tidying up myself. As long as I pack food and drinks and everything they'd need, I think they'd be fine for a few hours. I think that will be my short term plan. Followed by sorting out accommodation and work for the long term. Thanks all. It really helps to know I'm not just being a dick.

Won’t the health visitor just report to SS?

They might, but that would mean the OP could access support to leave - social work have a fair amount of clout when it comes to finding housing for families, can help with income maximisation for the OP, set up nursery places, support the OP to go back to college if she wanted. They can do a huge amount and really don’t want to remove kids.

Horrible situation, poor you!

Is there anywhere else you can go?