Just realised I've only been 'out' 3 times in 2 years

[feelingsicknow]

Just that really. Me and my girlfriends are having a girls break away next month and we were talking about being away overnight from our kids.

My little boy was 2 last weekend and it suddenly occurred to me that apart from 3 nights away from him overnight (all with DH, one was 2 nights when we were going through a cancer scare and my amazing parents insisted we have a two-night break, and similar, an overnight in a local hotel for my birthday - my parents looked after the little guy both times), I've only been 'out-out' on a social evening event three times with the girls since having DS.

I'm not sure why (actually, I do know why - I feel guilty and also can't be arsed).

Is this pretty standard or do other people have more social nights out in a regular basis?

Just interested in what life is like for other mums. FYI he is my first/only child and I am 38.

Should say on a regular basis. Typo.

And actually I've just realised - one of those three times was an afternoon event! I was home by 8pm.

I'm a LP and last went out in 2016. Lack of energy and babysitters.

I've never been away overnight without DS and he is 3.5!

I think a lot of it for us is no access to local family childcare. So we can get a babysitter but we don't have anyone locally who could stay overnight or have him to stay.

Hope you have a brilliant time with your girls. You deserve it

Of course. Yes, clearly babysitting is another matter! We don't have any local people who could babysit for an evening either (my folks stayed overnight at ours because of distance). Wasn't meaning to offend any LPs by this post, promise.

My DH (DS's father) is a capable, hands-on Dad who encourages me to socialise.

I just haven't.

Just realised this whilst sitting here on a Saturday evening. Again.

Hope I didn't offend.

Ash funnily enough the mate I was taking about this with hasn't ever been away overnight from her DD either, who is also 3.

But she does have quite an active evening social life despite that.

My other mate has two under 3 and goes out of an evening quite a lot (with and without DH).

I'm similar. Mine is almost 2 and I've had one evening meal out and one evening work Christmas party (where I stayed in a hotel that night and was back home by 8am the next morning!).

I've put mine in nursery 2 days a week and I'm determined to use that time for me!!

I think that sounds pretty normal.

@feelingsicknow

Ash funnily enough the mate I was taking about this with hasn't ever been away overnight from her DD either, who is also 3.

But she does have quite an active evening social life despite that.

My other mate has two under 3 and goes out of an evening quite a lot (with and without DH).

Yes, we do go out (sometimes) just not overnight. I am also crap at dealing with DS on a hangover so I tend not to go overboard with big nights out.

Also, I am very old and tired!

My two are 8 and 4 and I've never spent the night away.

We aren't entitled to a break, really, our kids are our responsibility.

I haven’t been away overnight ever and my boy is 9. I’ve only had 2 nights out since he’s been born and have been back by 10pm.

I have a 4.5 year old and a 15 month old. We have never left them overnight and have only been for 1 meal on our own (before the youngest was born) for my BIL's 40th. I have popped to friends' houses for coffee after they're asleep a couple of times (their dad was here) but always home by 11pm.

There's a few factors that influence this... Lack of money, tiredness, nobody to babysit as we rely on my mom for childcare 3 mornings a week for the youngest so it's not fair to ask her to have them again, we're older parents so everyone's else's children are older than ours so there's nobody really for them to stay with overnight, our parents are older too so it's a lot to ask to have both of them.

Oh, and that I actually can't be bothered most of the time, I'd much rather have a shower, get my pjs on and curl up in front of the tv She says whilst drinking a cup of tea and eating a brownie on a Saturday night

Ours are now 5 and 7, we have one weekend away for our 40th. It was amazing I am not anticipating such an event again, I wouldn’t ask my parents again and they are our only babysitters normally they offer to babysit until about 1030 about 3 times a year.

Lone parent. Last went out in 2016.

I’ve been ‘out out’ once and my daughter is 2. I’ve never stayed away over night from her. I think that’s quite normal?

So it seems from responses so far that I'm pretty normal re 'out-out' and have massively privileged re having 3 nights away so far.

Re pp - I in no way was suggesting I was entitled to nights out/away. I was purely trying to get a sense of what other people have experienced. Around me I'm aware of lots of other parents who have had plenty of nights out. And of course - social media gives a skewed view of what 'celeb parents' get up to.

I guess I am not unusual. Very good to know. I felt like a right hermit!

I should add also that I mean going out without other half (obviously it's much more difficult for both parents to go out together!).

Wow - there's some competitive mothering going on here! We're not entitled to go out? Ever?!

We go away for the night twice a year for our birthdays, I do a few nights with friends, DH takes DS to his parents alone for a long weekend once a year, and I probably go out for a meal with friends twice a month. Judge away!!!

Not being competitive, I do actually go out from time to time, just don't do overnights I guess I'm just annoyed that I don't get more help

I've been 'out' once in the last ten years. It's sad really.

@BGirlBouillabaisse that's sad if you're made to feel you can't ask anyone to babysit. Have yourfamily said this to you?
We've looked after our dgs,8, a lot over the years and enjoy it.
Every summer holiday he stays with us for at least 2 weeks.

Agree Lajestic, I don't go out clubbing or late night drinking - that's never been my thing before or after having DS but I go and stay with a girlfriend occasionally or a go on a residential course, frequently go out for the evening, theatre, cinema or a meal with friends, (obviously pre Covid).
Personally I don't think it's healthy to never leave your child, maybe I am morbid but I always think 'what will happen if I die' - I want my DS to be independent and not too clingy - a friend of mine would never leave her DC (she had plenty of offers from family and friends - wouldn't even leave them overnight with her DH ). I think that can lead to over dependence issues - on both sides.

It varies hugely. DC2 is 19m. I have never missed bedtime. I have been out with DH 2-3 times after bedtime (but home by 10.30ish, not overnight). This is a combination of him being breastfed at bedtime, sleeping badly and lockdown hitting just as sleep improved.

With DC1 I went out a bit more once she was over 1, but it was more post work drinks til 9/10ish. DH and I went away overnight (1 night each time) when she was 2 and 2.5 and in labour! She is now 4.5. I don't really miss it. I'm happy to do my socialising in the day or early evening and still get my sleep. Plus day babysitting is better anyway! GPs get to play with DCs and we get a break from routine. We get a break anyway when they are in bed.

Mine are 15 and 12 and I've only been away from them overnight 2 or 3 times, apart from when I was in hospital or ds2 was in hospital. Yours are little; why would you want to go away overnight?

Definitely going to buck the trend on here - I have a 7 month old and have been out in the evening three times (twice with friends, once with DP) and away overnight (for work) once.

Admittedly I’m less keen on evening socialising these days as that is pretty much my only dedicated Me Time, when DS is in bed. But for a particular occasion or event, absolutely. DP socialises less than me but we’re both capable of doing bath & bed ourselves. Yes we’ve only been out once together since DS was born, but we’d rather go out for brunch/lunch together than a restaurant or bar in the evening.