Just realised I've only been 'out' 3 times in 2 years

[feelingsicknow]

Just that really. Me and my girlfriends are having a girls break away next month and we were talking about being away overnight from our kids.

My little boy was 2 last weekend and it suddenly occurred to me that apart from 3 nights away from him overnight (all with DH, one was 2 nights when we were going through a cancer scare and my amazing parents insisted we have a two-night break, and similar, an overnight in a local hotel for my birthday - my parents looked after the little guy both times), I've only been 'out-out' on a social evening event three times with the girls since having DS.

I'm not sure why (actually, I do know why - I feel guilty and also can't be arsed).

Is this pretty standard or do other people have more social nights out in a regular basis?

Just interested in what life is like for other mums. FYI he is my first/only child and I am 38.

I go out loads with my girlfriends, cinema, wine and cheese in each other's houses, dinner in a local casual restaurant (all in the good old days obviously but we still meet up now). I've never spent an overnight away from my kids (4 and 6) but i would have no problem leaving them with DH If an event came up. I'm less inclined to want to go away with DH because i spend so much time with him and my girlfriends are way more fun. Plus who would mind them.

I'm with LajesticVantrashell and pp who spoke about dying. When my first was 3 weeks old I was out out. My second was really clingy and I couldn't do same and it really affected me mentally. I am very lucky with support but I am always in disbelief at posters who don't like people holding their babies etc. I have two friends like that who constantly moan about the drudgery of it all. Makes no sense to me.

I only missed bedtimes through choice (excluding giving birth to my second) with my first once he was over 2.5. I was pregnant by that time anyway so they weren’t late nights.
Haven’t left the second yet but she’s only 1 and I reckon from 2.5 will seem the right time again.

I don’t know, I think it seems fairly normal to me. I know some women who go out every month or so but equally those who have done it once or twice only since their children were born. I wouldn’t say you’re unusual.

My dd is 4 and I've had two nights out since she was born, one being overnight, the other I was home by 10!
I was 36 when I had her, I had 20 years of nights out happy to stay home!

My last proper night out in any sense of the word was 9 years ago 😂

I go out about 3 or 4 times a year for a gig or something - can't be bothered the rest of the time as I like to relax in the evening when 3 year old in bed 🤗 I like being a hermit though 🤣

Perfectly honestly I find it strange that people don’t go out if they have the opportunity and can do, my oh is perfectly capable of looking after the kids if I want to go out and I am a person too, I’m not just a mom!
I understand single parents and people whom don’t have childcare but u can’t imagine never going out and living my life just to put my baby to bed when my oh is more than capable!
I went out Friday to my friends, had a few drinks, got back about midnight and I would say that’s about every three weeks, went out with a group of people for some nice food about four weeks ago and got back about 11.30! I don’t see the issue!!

My social life transferred almost completely to daytime meetups till my DCs were about 3 and 1 (I was only back at work for a year before going on maternity leave again). Either with new friends I'd met when I had the babies which tended to be during the week or with longer term friends (who all lived further away) at weekends. I didn't have a problem leaving them in childcare but really hated missing bedtime in the early years. I have worked part time for many years now and still socialise more on my days off than in the evenings but I started going to dance and yoga classes regularly in the evenings once they were at school.

It’s totally normal.

I go out with DH once a month and my parents have the kids overnight.
On my own with the girls i go out every 2 weeks or so. Then DH watches the kids. He gets the same with his mates.

Before DD was born, we said that once we’d go out together once a week every week. It didn’t work out as planned but actually from pretty early on we would go out for meal and just take her with us though maybe once a month. At 7 weeks we went away with friends and got babysitter one night and went for meal. I’m involved in a church so fairly soon started going to evening things there (though had to come home a couple of times when BF DD got desperate despite big feeds before I went) and after she started nursery (6 mths) we got her keyworker to babysit every few weeks. When DS came along he was much more clingy so more difficult but still got babysitter occasionally (maybe 5/6 times a year). We used sitters.co.uk. Then when they got to 11/13 we started leaving them for a couple of hours in the evening. All this time we’ve had occasional nights out with friends / colleagues whilst other one stayed at home. So I guess we’ve done ok.

But they are now 13 and 15 and we have never been away together without them both. DD had one night away from us with my mum as a test that she’d be ok if we had to leave her overnight when DS was born. We’ve both had nights away separately (mostly work things though DH has had a couple of boys weekends as well). So you’ve done well there!

I guess what I would say is that you shouldn’t feel that you “should” go out but if you would like to then do. Your DH is presumably perfectly trustworthy. Try Sitters so you can have an evening out together.

DH and I have an agreement that we can take evening a week and one morning a weekend to do what we want with. He mostly plays football with both of his, I see friends and potter about with mine. I definitely don't do it weekly, but a couple of nights a month (pre lockdown) i would go out with friends.

Our DC also spend a weekend or two and a week a year with my DDad at the coast, and DSis will do evening or overnight babysitting for us occasionally - probably once every couple of months.

So yes, we do go out without them. They're 7 and 4, when they were tiny it was less (certainly for me as I BF both until they were almost 2) but now they're a bit older why not? They have a great relationship with everyone involved and love a sleepover. Obviously were very lucky to have family locally to do this, but even without that DH and I ensure that we facilitate each others' social lives.

We've had 1 night away from DS in 12 years-my 30th birthday when he slept at my mums house.

Actually, I tell a lie-he was away for 2 nights on a school residential trip.

Its ridiculous really but DH and I were together for 9 years before we had him so we did plenty of that back then and in another few years DS will be off doing his own thing and we'll have our time back.

Didn't have a night away from DC until the youngest was 8.

Had about three or four nights out in total when they were under age 3.

@Coffeecak3 My DM would probably say she's looked after DGS a lot, but she hasn't. She still harps on about that time she helped looked after him (I was there the whole time) when he had chickenpox nearly 8 years ago

I go out almost as much as I did before, I have 3 groups of close friends and even though I'm mid 30s the only with with a child. Me and DH work around each other for seeing our friends but I actually go out more than him. Pre Covid I was probably out one evening a week after work with the girls and then 1 weekend a month I stayed overnight as a few live further away. I'm back to seeing most of my friends regularly again for dinners or lunches out and a few drinks.

I only have one DD and we do want another soon but I don't think it will massively change our ways, just a bit of extra planning, I was very determined that I keep my life similar to before just with a little one. My friends adore her and she often comes out to girls lunches. Having DD has been extra great as I'm very outdoorsy and DH wasn't as much but he's now a fully fledged National Trust member and he loves going out for walks and exploring since we've had her.

We also have our 'parent' friends we've made since having DD so we regularly see them and their little ones (well not from yesterday anyway!) and venture out or go to each other's homes.

My DD doesn't sleep through even now (3 years old!) and I work in London too but I just battle through any tiredness haha.