I’d like to get a cleaner, we can afford it, yet for some reason this makes me feel like I can’t cope ?

[Lardlizard]

I’m not sure why this is coming with such a sense of guilt for me, if we go to eat out I don’t feel like I can’t cope with cooking

I just don’t enjoy cleaning

And I suppose I think, it might set the dc up thinking you don’t do this kinda stuff for yourself you pay someone
To do it for you

I suit get why I feel so guilty about it
Yet I’ll spend loads on other things happily

Oh, and the fourth factor - female.

I don’t understand this, it’s something in your mind, I’ve had a cleaner since I was 23. Had my child at 28. Am now 51 and still have a cleaner. My daughter cleans her own place.

Cleaning is something I’m very happy to outsource.

I don't know really. Sometimes I think yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner. But we live in SE, they are expensive here. And for me to justify the expense I need to see that at least I always have a clean house as a result. But I know that it just won't be the case. We have children, cats and dog, we work from home. And I notice that in order to really be on top of things, the floors need to be swept daily, washed once every two days, hovered a couple of times a week. Plus dusting, cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom.

So it would mean having to hite a cleaner weekly for 2 hours and still need to do something in between. Doesn't seem like a good value.

We have invested in Robovac which takes care of the entire ground floor better than any human being ever could. The children have bathroom and shower (except the loo) and hoovering as their weekly chores. So the house is clean without much effort on my part or any extra regular expense.

We are both disabled our cleaner is a friend now and we think he’s a godsend, we couldn’t cope without him now.

@MandalaYogaTapestry

I don't know really. Sometimes I think yes, it would be nice to have a cleaner. But we live in SE, they are expensive here. And for me to justify the expense I need to see that at least I always have a clean house as a result. But I know that it just won't be the case. We have children, cats and dog, we work from home. And I notice that in order to really be on top of things, the floors need to be swept daily, washed once every two days, hovered a couple of times a week. Plus dusting, cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom.

So it would mean having to hite a cleaner weekly for 2 hours and still need to do something in between. Doesn't seem like a good value.

We have invested in Robovac which takes care of the entire ground floor better than any human being ever could. The children have bathroom and shower (except the loo) and hoovering as their weekly chores. So the house is clean without much effort on my part or any extra regular expense.

Except the expense of childcare, feeding and clothing of the cleaners you have home-grown can't wait till mine are old enough to do something useful!

I'm tempted by a robot vac... but we constantly have stuff on the floor (toys etc) and clearing up that is the bulk of the "hoovering" work imo!

Put away your guilt right now. It's pretty much ONLY cleaning that this is an issue for - and only for women. No idea how the patriarchy has managed to create this ridiculous idea that if a woman doesn't clean she's not coping or doing enough or whatever. Absolute 100% bollocks. No one thinks that a man who doesn't fix his car or do the painting inside the house is not coping.

And don't worry about your DC - unless you're completely feral there's still endless cleaning and tidying that still needs to be done. I grew up in a country where labour is cheap and cleaners are standard, but my brother, sister and I were still responsible for cleaning the kitchen every night after dinner. We had to do our share when the cleaner was on holiday/sick etc. Plus all the other daily chores that come with running a home.

Also, it meant I grew up with a high standard of cleanliness. When I first started working and living in the UK, I was always the one most likely to be cleaning any shared accommodation because I couldn't afford a cleaner but I had zero tolerance for the dirt so the obvious solution was to clean it myself. [I'm still really bad at folding clothes, towels and bed linens however. Never cracked that!]

Best thing I every got. Such a lovely feeling when you come home and the house is spotless

Just get one OP.
It's your hard earned cash to spend how you like.
You dont have to tell anyone else if you don't have to.

Daughter, the home-grown cleaners need to fed fed and clothed continuously anyway 😆😆 so they might as well be useful!

Robovac, on the other hand, is right there in the category of best money I have ever spent. It will work its way around the toys in your house (I have cables, notebooks, hair clips and other teenage stuff lying around instead) and it picks up every tiny bit of fluff. It even does corners!

For me this comes under Just Fucking do it and worry about it after - honestly the bad feelings last all of 5 minutes and then you get the ooh its so nice to come home on cleaning day its wonderful

Women often have a martyr complex and feel we have to do everything like superwoman. It's the biggest drawback to being a woman, The is constant guilt thing. It's unnecessary and unwarranted. Just remember this and hire your cleaner

As for kids I think my kids benefitted from having a cleaner. I made sure that they kept things tidy for her (or him! I had a male cleaner in the past). If they ever left things dumped on the floor they all
Knew that that was disrespectful towards the cleaner. It's one thing being lazy to your Mum but quite another to be lazy towards a cleaner. I think they pick up
On how I treat my cleaners. I'm respectful so they are too.

Women often have a martyr complex and feel we have to do everything like superwoman.

This x 1000. It's exactly how I live my life and it's so draining. Don't be like that!

I have a half baked theory that a return to servants and service could be a valid way forward. Well paid and well treated servants, obviously.

Having servants was a huge part of the pre-war economy. It wasn't the preserve of the super rich. Fairly ordinary people had them. And thus a huge number were employed.

I do lots of things at work that I don't find difficult, but my "doing stuff" mojo is used up by home time.

I'd quite like a PT chef shared with other households - so you could tell them your diet and tastes and they'd shop for it, and come around your house every 2-3 days to bring prepped ingredients to cook in 20m.

Just the cleaner will do for now.

*I have a half baked theory that a return to servants and service could be a valid way forward(

I think you need to rethink your Choice of words there. My cleaner is not a servant, nor is she in service. She’s a self employed woman who runs a cleaning business and is bloody good at it.

And you’d need to be fairly wealthy before you can afford to bring a personal chef in every two to three days, but you can hire one now.

Crack on. I’d refrain from telling them you consider them servants though.

@Bluntness100

*I have a half baked theory that a return to servants and service could be a valid way forward(

I think you need to rethink your Choice of words there. My cleaner is not a servant, nor is she in service. She’s a self employed woman who runs a cleaning business and is bloody good at it.

And you’d need to be fairly wealthy before you can afford to bring a personal chef in every two to three days, but you can hire one now.

Crack on. I’d refrain from telling them you consider them servants though.

I'm aware that my cleaner isn't a servant.

I also think that there's NOTHING wrong with the concept of servants. I.E. Someone with a set of skills who you pay to ease the difficulties of life, who works to direct order.

That's my point - a return of service could be a very valid form of employment. Provided people don't have snotty ideas that being a servant is a lesser form of employment...

Ok then if you think that’s a good idea you crack on, as said. I for one shall certainly not be referring to anyone who carries out work for me as a servant.

Oh thanks for the understanding, I thought I might get a roasting, yes I can totally see your pints dc will still have to help with chores and there will still be cleaning and washing to do
Plus I know it’s daft as we spend well abou W average in food shops
We tend to eat out one or even twice. A week
I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at getitng a plumber tiler electrian or paying someOne to clean or service the car
So it’s v weird to be hung up about this
I’m gonna try and go for it at some point in 2020
As I’ve wanted to do this for years
I’ve just gotta get a bite more decorating finished first

Just do it.
I got one 6 weeks ago after feeling guilty.. but a household of 5 adults and I was fed up of nagging everyone to pitch in.
Coming home to a clean house on a friday is BLISS.
(Still have to nag them to tidy up on a Thursday tho!)

I don't know where this list comes from but I'm not having any of it.

^^ this.