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Original poster

How old was your child when grandparents first babysat?

73 replies

orangesky1 · 06/09/2020 00:53

How old was your child when grandparents first babysat?

My baby is 7.5 months old and my parents have never offered to babysit. We live about 20 min drive. My DH parents are abroad. My parents love my baby, and we go round every weekend for them to play together... They get really upset if suggest missing a week, but have never offered to have baby on their own - I've managed to get my mum to agree to have baby twice while I attended medical appointments, but never have they offered to babysit to allow us some downtime/an evening out. It seems very much about their enjoyment of baby rather than ever any suggestion of helping me out.

All the other mums in my baby group have been having regular babysitting from their parents from around 3 months - perhaps this is unusual!

We live in a country with no covid restrictions if that's relevant.

Would apprevaire any perspectives. I do know we are lucky to have grandparents and the support we do have, and I'm probably being a bit spoilt - I would never ask them to do more, I guess their approach has taken me by surprise a bit.

OP posts:
ZenZebra · 06/09/2020 11:52

Never, and my eldest is now in his 20s.

My friends who are grandparents spend lots of time with their GC though, including taking them on holiday.

LilaButterfly · 06/09/2020 11:53

At 2 weeks while DH and i went on a date. We lived overseas and my mum came for the birth and was staying with us at that time, so it was for a coue hours to go for dinner.
Over night at 1.5 years, because thats when we moved back to europe close to my parents. They have taken the kids overnight once a month or so since then.

zigaziga · 06/09/2020 11:54

When they were over 1 years for the occasional (3x a year maybe) lunch out. I wouldn’t be ok leaving in the evening until more like 3 years. They haven’t offered for an evening anyway but I think would do if asked.

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Wtfdoipick · 06/09/2020 11:58

She's 8 I'll report back if they ever do

elliejjtiny · 06/09/2020 12:02

Dc1 - 21 months
Dc2 - 15 months
Dc3 - 6 months
Dc4 - 12 months
Dc5 - 2 years

Grumpbum123 · 06/09/2020 12:03

3 months and 4 months

EasilyDeleted · 06/09/2020 12:03

About three months for the odd hour (I needed to go to the optician). A day a week after 10 months when I went back to work. Maybe once or twice a year in the evenings after that? On top of the work day that seemed as though we were asking enough, also my parents have very busy social lives themselves. They live half an hour drive away so quite a long way for a couple of hours babysitting. We never really wanted to go out much in the evenings in the early years though so just a meal on our birthdays or anniversary. It was a lot easier to meet friends with the DCs at weekends or go out separately.

BanditsBum · 06/09/2020 12:34

With my first it was about 4 weeks so we coukd go for lunch. He was BF but would take expressed milk from a bottle so was fine.

My second was about 6/7 months as she was a bottle refuser and was very clingy so although I would have happily left her and both sets of grandparents would have happily had her it just wouldn't have worked. My mum would sit with her for 10/15 mins though to let me have a shower etc. although it would always end in a screaming match.

Stinkyjellycat · 06/09/2020 16:21

OP, I’m sure if your parents wanted to babysit, they would offer. I’m not sure you do need to have a conversation - their actions speak for themselves. And there’s no criticism implied there, lots of grandparents don’t want to babysit and I think that’s fair enough. It doesn’t mean they don’t love them, just that they’ve done their time looking after kids and don’t want to do it again.

ohthegoats · 06/09/2020 16:27

2 and a half months for an evening. We went to the pub and got absolutely hammered in about 2 and a half hours. On a Tuesday night.

They had her overnight when she was about 10 months I think.

ButterflyWitch · 06/09/2020 17:37

DS is 7, I'm still waiting......

OhToBeASeahorse · 06/09/2020 18:13

Erm...
They had him for about an hour and a half when I had a nap when he was about 6 months old.

That's it.

In laws have had him for about the same length of time.

TSSDNCOP · 06/09/2020 18:16

2 weeks. Would have been sooner if lovely DM had her way.

Nonchalantbee · 06/09/2020 18:59

DS was a few hours old in the hospital when I asked my mum to keep an eye on him while I tried to walk to get a coffee with DH (post c-section wanted to try and keep moving as much as poss) about 7-8 weeks when she first had him overnight. Now they often have him once a week overnight and once a week for tea while I work and they are always happy to have him whenever I need. My dad is always mortified when I tell him that hardly any of my friends get the same support from their parents that I do but I know I'm stupidly lucky to have them. DS and his GP have a fantastic bond.

nonchalantbee · 06/09/2020 19:00

Should add that my parents are young (late 40's early 50's) if they were older I'd be a bit more reluctant to let them have him as I know they would have him even if they didn't feel up to it.

OhToBeASeahorse · 06/09/2020 19:22

I always regret reading these threads because I end up feeling sorry for myself!

MeadowHay · 06/09/2020 19:35

My DPs and DB and DS especially my DM spend a lot of time with my DD and have done since her birth (she's 2). My DM has been looking after her one day a week whilst me and DH work since I returned to work after mat leave when she was 9mo. She also looks after her when I have medical appointments and that kind of thing where necessary. However has only ever offered to babysit for me and DH for our pleasure once a few months ago. That was when we had friends staying with us and she suggested we all go out for dinner one evening and offered to stay in our house whilst we went. Her and DF were in our house for about 2.5hrs whilst my DD was asleep. My DSis has also just in this last week offered to babysit for us to have some sort of 'date night' out.

I think a lot of people feel anxious about looking after kids alone even if they adore them, which I think is the reason my DB and DSis never offer to babysit (until my DSis just has now). My DM and DF never had any family to help with babysitting when we were little so they feel thats just the way life is, when you have kids you stop dates, stop social life etc as that's what they did. Also there has deffo been anxiety on their part about anything involving bed time like what if DD wakes and is upset and my DM can't settle her etc. Plus as my DM already provides us with so much free care she probably feels she's well done her bit, and she has, I agree!

I think it's totally unrealistic to expect babysitting from anyone especially grandparents, especially if they're elderly. If anyone does offer, it's a huge bonus to be grateful for.

Me and DH had our first 'date' day after DD was born when she was 8.5 months old and in nursery.

Forevercurious · 06/09/2020 19:47

DS has been left with with my DM and DPIL twice now, each time for a hour and a half / two hours in the afternoon so DP and I could go out for lunch. this was last month when he was 8 months old.

iusedtohavechickens · 06/09/2020 19:53

So different with all of mine, my eldest was about 8 years old for first sleep over but had complex health needs and had night nursing 2x week for first two years. Second was 6 weeks old as we had a hospital stay 80miles away from home for eldest. Third was about a year old but wasn't really getting on with in laws at the time and youngest was around 10 mths and mil spent the night at ours. My mum has never had my kids and I no longer speak to her she hasn't even met my youngest x

ShinyGreenElephant · 07/09/2020 21:13

My oldest was around 10 months once she was happy taking a bottle. My youngest has never even stayed with her dad overnight. I just dont see the need now, I was 19 when I had my older daughter and was so ready for a night out by then. But I'm 30 now and just not overly bothered

VillageFete · 07/09/2020 22:13

My DD is older now and I can’t really remember. My DS is a toddler and my mum stayed at my house and kept him overnight the night we were discharged from hospital. For the first 8 weeks she’d stay maybe once every 10 days? She’s a diamond.

She will babysit now and again when I ask, my kids stay at her house. My sister will also babysit when asked. They enjoy spending time with the kids. They absolutely adore them.

I’d honestly be totally lost without them, but I don’t take advantage. I have friends who do, and it’s clear as day that their parents aren’t happy about it but won’t say no (They just make snide comments instead!!)

happytoday73 · 07/09/2020 22:21

Overnight... 11 days.. Purely because I was taken back into hospital and doctor suggested it'd be helpful. Brought back in 9am next day as I was feeding.

After that probably 3x a year.. My birthday, my husbands and our wedding anniversary. Occasionally once more or in emergency.

Parents have active social life outside covid times and help us out in holidays and if someone sick so we are careful to ensure don't feel its excessive

GinWithRosie · 07/09/2020 22:49

I have been babysitting my (now 3 year old) GC since they were a week old...started off just for an hour or so to give my DD a breather (shower/short nap/supermarket shop etc) building up to full days by the time they were 3 months old. I've been having them overnight since they were 8 months old.

I can't imagine not doing this (I also work full time as a teacher so I'm not a stay at home grandparent either!)

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