How old was your child when grandparents first babysat?

[orangesky1]

How old was your child when grandparents first babysat?

My baby is 7.5 months old and my parents have never offered to babysit. We live about 20 min drive. My DH parents are abroad. My parents love my baby, and we go round every weekend for them to play together... They get really upset if suggest missing a week, but have never offered to have baby on their own - I've managed to get my mum to agree to have baby twice while I attended medical appointments, but never have they offered to babysit to allow us some downtime/an evening out. It seems very much about their enjoyment of baby rather than ever any suggestion of helping me out.

All the other mums in my baby group have been having regular babysitting from their parents from around 3 months - perhaps this is unusual!

We live in a country with no covid restrictions if that's relevant.

Would apprevaire any perspectives. I do know we are lucky to have grandparents and the support we do have, and I'm probably being a bit spoilt - I would never ask them to do more, I guess their approach has taken me by surprise a bit.

Dc1 was 3-4 weeks when I left them with either my mum or mil (can’t remember 🙈) to pop into work for a couple of hours.

Dc2 was about 6 weeks old when they were unceremoniously dropped off with pil for 2 nights (didn’t know at the time) as dc1 was hospitalised. They took a bottle and were fine

My in-laws have never baby sat, they've at most watched her for a few minutes while I am out of the room. My parents have done quite a few times, first was at about 9 months, for about half an hour. They live 3 hours drive away so babysitting isn't really practical unless we/they are visiting. DD has never stayed anywhere overnight without us. She is 6.

Never.

13 weeks when I returned to work. My mum offered. She won’t offer for social reasons but she does say I only have to ask and she’s happy to help, which she does. Same with MIL.

Overnight when my first was eight weeks old. Just for a few hours, probably a lot sooner than that. My mum always has my kids a night a week. There’s no need all the time (sometimes I work Saturday nights) but if they don’t go she misses them too much. She has all three of her grandchildren at once.

Over 2 and not yet!

@DDIJ do you live with your parents?

because that is the only way they could "not allow" you to have a babysitter.

Every time you post I get more and more concerned. You are a grown woman but your mother has convinced you that you have to do everything she says. That your wishes and indeed your wellbeing count for nothing.

If you do live with your parents you need to find some way of changing that.

If you don't live with your parents then you need some serious help to disengage your mind from your mother's influence.

6m overnight. Before that it was always if we brought the kids around to their place, and left them in their care while we went upstairs and slept. Could usually catch up on an hour or two that way.

MIL didn't babysit as such but from about 4 weeks old she and DS would "go for a walk" for about an hour a few times a week. Sometimes with and sometimes without me.

First evening out about 7 months old, meal out together for our wedding anniversary. I must say I was beside myself the whole time and desperate to get back!

Mine are 13 and 11, I’m still waiting.

8 days (we'd been in hospital for 5). I needed a few hours of sanity.
3.5months and we went on holiday leaving DS with grandparents!

They never did. My parents passed before I had children and in-laws just don’t help.

MIL tried, she came over to help with bath time when they were 6 months, and really enjoyed having time with them. I have twins and DH was overseas. MIL wanted to make it a regular thing but on the second day she said she couldn’t do it anymore because “he’s had enough of me helping, he wants to go out tomorrow”

And FIL doesn’t understand why none of the GC want to visit him.

They had her one day a week from ten days old until she went to school. She’s nine now and they have her for the odd day (parents are 80 and 77).

Ds was 7 months when I was admitted to hospital because of bleeding with a miscarriage. Mum had him for the afternoon so dh could collect me. And again the following week for the afternoon when I was admitted to have d&c so dh could collect me.

Ds was just 2 when I had dd and mum had him from 2 am until bedtime the next night when we got home. Left the place in an utter mess and then popped in for a couple of hours the next day and sat in one chair didn't even make herself coffee got fed dinner and then left. She was only just 60 so she isn't an old grandparent but clearly one day with a toddler wore her out.

Never overnight or evenings.

DS had colic and was still fussy after that vanished. Leaving him with anyone would have been extremely stressful for all.

We had a couple of afternoons for the first 3 years of DS's life, for like an anniversary lunch or the cinema. But even the last cinema trip was a disaster and we got a call at the end of the movie 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't want to leave my kids at night until they can tell me how they feel and what they want.
I dont want to use babysitters and I don't want to leave them with grandparents until they can say they're all happy with that arrangement.

I think a week. I needed to go get nursing bras.

My mum made it very clear that she didn’t want to babysit, she often said, things like she had no help when her children were small and that she had come to see me not babysit. My sister lived very close to her and used to just leave her kids there and pop to the shops for hours so maybe that’s where her reluctance came from. She did help my sister a lot though which made her lack of interest in my children harder. The fact that your mum is saying that her friends are being taken advantage over suggests she doesn’t want to be more involved with your baby. I joined a babysitting circle when my children were young, and that worked well for us.

My DPs had them for the first time when dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 3. Years that is, not months.

6 months and that was for my birthday and we stayed overnight in a hotel in the city 10mins from our house! 🤣 (that's the only overnight stay she has been away and she's 13 months)
Then after that she was 8 months for a couple of hours on an afternoon by my sister.
Then due to covid she just turned one and that's because I was going back to work 2 days a week and grandparents day will be looking after her one day every other week.
I have spoken to a lot of people have babies staying over night from a young age on a regular basis but that's not me as I like her to be at home with me.

Never. My D.C. is nearly 4.

Immediately. Even if only a few hours in the first few weeks so we could sleep. Now one full day a week and a night a month. More when I go back to work! But they want to be v involved.

My DCs are 22 and 17. Only have grandfathers. Never been looked after by either of them! Bloody annoying! We felt like we rediscovered dating when they were old enough to be left alone so we could go out together....

About 5 days old so I could go Asda for an hour! Overnight we went on a city break when she was 3 months old.

My mum, pretty much straight away...

My in laws never did.

Plenty of grandparents don't really "do" babysitting. My parents have babysat twice ever - both were emergencies. My oldest is 16.