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Tell me about your second son

46 replies

SilkCottonTree · 04/09/2020 18:33

We’ve just found out that DC2 is another boy. We genuinely didn’t mind if they were a boy or girl as this pregnancy has come after 3 years of secondary infertility and two miscarriages. So we are just so happy to be having a second child. But since finding out it’s another boy I’ve had these niggling thoughts - to me DS1 who will be 4.5 when his brother arrives is just the most perfect child I could have wished for.

Obviously I am completely biased (and he does have his moments!), but he is just such a gentle little soul and a really fun companion. Basically I think he is a really hard act to follow - more so for another boy than for a girl. I know when I meet DS2 he will be his own little person and I can’t wait to get to know him, but I am worried that I will expect him to be of a similar temperament to his big brother and I don’t want to put any unfair expectations on him!

If you have two sons (or two daughters) how did you feel when the second one arrived? And did it take you long to feel like you had two little individual people rather than it being your PFB and their sibling if that makes sense? How do you actively stop the younger one being over shadowed by the older one? Or am I worrying over nothing?

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 04/09/2020 18:39

Worrying over nothing. I momentarily felt the same- how can this poor child be expected to live up to the darling that is ds1 and then he arrived. They're different. Couldn't say they're opposites they're just different. And each is as perfect as the other. (You've caught me on a good evening- otherwise each is as big a menace as the other)

Agwen · 04/09/2020 18:43

He will be different from the moment he is born- and will bring more love with him so you don't need to worry that you'll have to share out the love you already have for your first boy (not that you said you were, just this played on my mind when I was pg with my ds2!)

rollonoctober · 04/09/2020 18:44

I have 4 boys. They are all perfect, endearing, frustrating, engaging, lovable monsters in their own completely individual ways. Honestly, it's a normal thing to worry about, but your DS2 will steal your heart just as thoroughly as your first.

ChanceEncounter · 04/09/2020 18:45

Try to just trust that this will come right as soon as you meet him.

Itsrainingnotmen · 04/09/2020 18:46

I have 8 boys. Much less stress than the 2 teenage dd's!!

Mymycherrypie · 04/09/2020 18:51

I have three DC (two boys) and each one Is an entirely different character to the last. You may also find that your first is not the Angel you imagine when faced with the friction of having a sibling. The second child brings situations they’ll never have faced before.

MarshaBradyo · 04/09/2020 18:53

Two boys one girl

Definitely individual with their own personalities

I do think if I had another girl I’d think will she live up to first. But going by two boys it’s fine!

Longtalljosie · 04/09/2020 18:53

It’s really normal to worry you couldn’t possibly love another as much. Really normal. Don’t worry, you will x

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/09/2020 18:53

He was a nightmare baby, but did sleep well. He is so much cheerier and defiant than his brother was at that age he was extremely clingy until the age of around 5, he's only just started letting me go out without him without a crying match. He is very affactionat, and caring and when he is being nice, he is lovely.

Fleamaker123 · 04/09/2020 18:56

I have a similar age gap. My two boys are totally different, in looks, personality, interests. So I love different things about them, they're very much individuals. Because one loves sport, and the other has no interest in it, he prefers music, they don't really overshadow each other. I wouldn't worry about it really. As they get older, I think because of the age gap and the different stages they're at, they get on reasonably well!

kerosene20 · 04/09/2020 19:00

OP I could have written your post. DS1 4.5 when DS2 was born and DS1 an angel. DS2 is a wildling, the most extrovert, noisy, boundary testing mischievous monkey. Wouldn’t change him for the world ❤️

tempnamechange98765 · 04/09/2020 19:01

I have two boys, 4.5 and 18 months. The 4 year old is like yours, gentle, easy, an absolute darling ignoring the threenager phase.

DS2 has been noticeably more challenging since birth. Hot headed, tantrums a lot, doesn't sleep as well.

It DOESN'T matter. Yes I have mornings after a tricky night with him where I joke with DH that DS1 is my favourite. But they are complete and utter individuals. Very different. And I love them equally, it's not even a thing. Love grows.

enjoyingscience · 04/09/2020 19:02

He’s lush! Theatrical, loud, a bit mad, and so so funny. He proved to me that all the things I got right (and wrong) with DS1 were luck rather than judgement.

lunar1 · 04/09/2020 19:03

I have two boys, when I was pregnant with the second I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as ds1, but of course I do. They are equally perfect and flawed in a million different ways.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/09/2020 19:06

The younger seems to overshadow the older quiet, shy, compliant one.

He is quirky, happy, had the most epic tantrums. Makes friends easily, can be shy around adults but generally is comfortable in most situations. He always lit up a room even as a baby. He did have some issues, speech delay, health and other, some have resolved and he is a total chatterbox now.

Chasingsquirrels · 04/09/2020 19:06

I felt utterly in love with ds2 almost immediately, after my "oh it's a boy" (I'd wanted a girl) my next thought was "ohhhhh it's a boy" and that was that.
He can drive me mad, is a total enigma to me and I love him to bits.
He is 14, and ds1 is 18 this month.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 04/09/2020 19:06

My eldest is just coming out of the threenager phase and is in the asking questions and never stops talking phase. He is the kindest most delightful boy. However DS2 is the smilest easiest baby I’ve ever known. He’s so chilled out I’d be surprised if he ever starts walking as he’s happy sitting and grinning at everyone. DS1 was a smiley baby but nothing compared to DS2. Already I see their differences (and days where there equally drive me mad!). It’s normal to be worried about the second, but they steal your heart as much as the first

gingerbeerandlemonade · 04/09/2020 19:07

I have two boys and they are completely different! Eldest is a rule follower, polite, listens to everything I say, calm and so sensible. Never put anything in his mouth, eats nicely and so gentle. Youngest is a tornado. He doesn't listen, is cheeky, always up to mischief, excitable and boisterous. He is very loving and kind too. They are so close and I love them both so much (and equally). I love how different they are and am grateful that they are independent.

Chasingsquirrels · 04/09/2020 19:07


He’s lush! Theatrical, loud, a bit mad, and so so funny. He proved to me that all the things I got right (and wrong) with DS1 were luck rather than judgement.

Oh yes! I though ds1 was so chilled and easy cos of my fab parenting. Then ds2 came along and wiped the floor with that theory!
AutumnSummersBuffysCousin · 04/09/2020 19:09

My two DS couldn’t be more different, but I love them both with a passion, and get joy from them for different things. When you have your second child, the love in your heart doubles, not divides- you’ll be fineFlowers

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin · 04/09/2020 19:10

@Chasingsquirrels I was also parent of the year until I had my second, that showed me up for being so smug 😂😂

gingerbeerandlemonade · 04/09/2020 19:10

Two boys here. Eldest is: rule follower, kind, gentle, listens to everything I say, always so sensible and thoughtful. Youngest is a tornado. He is also kind but is boisterous, cheeky, doesn't follow rules and is always up to mischief. They are extremely close and I love them both so much (and equally). I love how different they are and am so grateful that they are so independent and their own person. Enjoy your boys!

ipswichwitch · 04/09/2020 19:17

DS1 was a clingy, colicky baby but at about 18mo became a delight; an easy toddler, no terrible twos, no tantrums, just easy going, following rules and generally no bother. Then along came DS2. Easiest baby ever, then hit 18mo and it was like living with the Tasmanian Devil in the Bugs Bunny cartoon! Threw the rule books out the window, he's a proper character who very much does things his way, has no fear and now diagnosed with asd (which explains a lot). They are both very different - both delight and frustrate in equal measure, have differing strengths and challenges and are both utterly fabulous. They are, however, both shit at sleeping!

OptimisticSix · 04/09/2020 19:18

My swcobd son is a dream, I had the same thoughts as you but the second is easier - because you're less worried and more relaxed you can enjoy them more. In fact I still worry about the older one much more than I do the younger.

mathsmonster · 04/09/2020 19:30

I felt exactly like you when I was pregnant with DC2. I could not see how this poor child could ever live up to his/her totally amazing brother. I loved DS2 completely and utterly from the moment I first set eyes on him.

My boys are very different and each have their own strengths and positive personality traits. DS1 is the kindest, most gentle and lovely boy. He has had lots of difficulties medically and developmentally.

DS2 who does not have any of the same issues helped me to see just how much DS1 was struggling, which meant that he was able to get help more quickly for some things. DS2 finds life much easier in all respects than his brother. He is a brilliant, chatty, inquisitive little boy with a terrible temper and a fiercely independent streak.

You really do not need to worry. You will love both of your sons more than anything in the world.

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