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Original poster

Ds 12 has gone back to school today and messaged me to say he hates it is going to kill himself on Sunday 😢

51 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 11:43

He has been extremely worried and anxious about going back and stressed about the work and the new norm. It took him ages to go out during lockdown. He's worked himself up so much over this. He's only in year 8 so basically feels like he is starting back again but even worse as he feels theres more expentation. He's just messaged me saying he hates it, he's so stressed and confused with everything 😢. What do I do? He's a very sensitive boy who always tries his best but idlf he finds it hard he really struggles and stresses himself out to the point he has a complete melt down. If a teacher tells him off or if he gets something wrong he can't cope. And now he can't cope. Going back to school. Please can someone advise me?

OP posts:

VettiyaIruken · 04/09/2020 11:45

I would deregister him and home school him temporarily while getting him the help and support he needs.

Skingaling · 04/09/2020 11:47

Have you spoken to the school?

TheSeedsOfADream · 04/09/2020 11:47

Does he suffer usually from anxiety? Maybe speak to pastoral care as that sounds an extreme reaction.

User27aw · 04/09/2020 11:47

Id phone the head now and tell them what the text message said. The go and collect him from school.

MyGodImSoYoung · 04/09/2020 11:49

I was like this. I was academically bright but hated school; I was bullied and found I was working myself into the ground trying to get the best grades, even from such a young age. I used to be sick every day with nerves.

The best thing my DM did was acknowledge that school was shit but that we couldn't change it. I would go home from school and college and get everything off my chest, and then get on my with my homework, which she would always do her best to help me with if I needed it.

It was clear to me that several of my teachers were concerned that I would attempt suicide if I didn't achieve the grades I wanted. Just reassure him that school is not the be all and end all and that you will support him.

If you are really concerned, contact his tutor, head of year and/or year support team. They can keep an eye on things xx

Timeforabiscuit · 04/09/2020 11:49

Have you contacted your GP, or CAMHS at all? I found them to be excellent for my daughter, but then she also had a supportive primary school.

Young minds have a lot of resources around anxiety too, but the threatening to kill themselves does send a clear signal of distress.

It is gut wrenching when they disclose something like this, I tried to focus on getting external support, keeping them talking and being non judgemental.

Kittykat93 · 04/09/2020 11:51

I'd phone the school now and tell them what's going on. He needs someone to be keeping an eye on him.

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 11:51

No he's obviously just messaged during his break. I honestly thought once he had gone back he would feel better about the whole situation its always worse the before then actual day itself. I think he does have issues with anxiety and teachers have been aware but not referrals. However no issues until now a out going back to school 😔. I've emailed the tutor this morning but will give someone at school a ring. I don't know what to do I could cry for him 😭

OP posts:

TeenPlusTwenties · 04/09/2020 11:51

I'd phone the school and tell them about the text and ask them to get pastoral care / the tutor to talk to him, and go from there.

GoldenHoops · 04/09/2020 11:51

Are you able to collect him? If so contact the school and tell them why and that next week you will need to discuss the way forward with his anxiety.

user1471538283 · 04/09/2020 11:53

I would speak to the school and get a plan in action. Would your DS consider giving it 2 weeks to see if it gets better? My DF did this with me and I've done it with DS. Sometimes it takes 2 weeks to settle and having a timeframe might help him. If it isn't better by the end of 2 weeks you can review the plan

NancyNoNickers · 04/09/2020 11:54

Oh you poor thing, so worrying. I would also go to the school right now and phone whoever you need to for an urgent CAHMS referral. Is it possible for you to home school him, do you think that would be worse for him, with having no social contact? Poor boy

Beamur · 04/09/2020 11:54

Poor lad.
Definitely speak with the pastoral care team. Reassure him that you take his concerns seriously.
Is there anything specific that he is finding hard?

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 11:56

The things is he was OK with school pre lockdown. He doesn't like the work but likes the teachers and friends etc he didn't have this about going. The last time he was like this was in nursery and then when he primary he was fine.

OP posts:

BillywilliamV · 04/09/2020 11:57

My DD used to do this Regularly , don’t ignore it but children do tend to catastrophise. He may have a better afternoon, see how he is when he gets in.

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 04/09/2020 12:29

@TeenPlusTwenties

I'd phone the school and tell them about the text and ask them to get pastoral care / the tutor to talk to him, and go from there.

I'd suggest this as well.

Maybe he's just had a wobble or maybe he needs more support - but they can find him have a talk and then you can all decide how to proceed.

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 13:15

I've phoned the school someone's going to tlak to him. Emailed tutor too. I've literally cried down the phone so feel a right wally no 😔 hoping I've not made things worse and that he doesn't hate me. I know he would have been bottling it up and then probably exploded once the teacher asked him 😢

OP posts:

lborgia · 04/09/2020 13:16

Can I ask why Sunday? What happens on Sunday?

I'm astonished pp describes it as catastrophising , if any child is taking about suicide, they need help. Doesn't matter whether they intend to go through with it at that moment, it's a fragile state, ffs. It's also an increasing problem this year.

He needs his family, and given that he's had struggles before I'd be getting him proper help lined up.

lborgia · 04/09/2020 13:17

Of course you haven't made it worse. How would you feel if he made an attempt and you hadn't warned anyone?

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 13:20

Probably because he's going school Monday or so hence Sunday. He probably would have broke down and felt embarrassed that's why.

OP posts:

AdoptedBumpkin · 04/09/2020 13:21

Posting to give you

If it's necessary, take him out of school if you can.

Bunnymumy · 04/09/2020 13:22

Poor kid.

Just a note though...you say he worries about school work...I think I'd tell him not to take it so seriously. That the only time it matters is when it comes to taking the exams in a few years time.

And that even then, if he were to proper cock up, there are a gazillion alternatives to good grades. Or they can be re taken. Even in college if need be. Think he needs a good dose of 'hakuna mattata little dude'.

And maybe needs to learn some better coping strategies for stress. Hopefully theres a school councillor that can help him with things like that.

Gizlotsmum · 04/09/2020 13:22

Glad the school know. They will (hopefully help). Good that he told you. At least you know and can work with him. Is it his first day back? Is it general anxiety or specific? Maybe a Dr's appointment could help?

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 04/09/2020 13:23

He literally started puberty over lockdown so hormones have been major factor too I think. He found lockdown hard but mainly when we had to socialise again so he's just overwhelmed and anxious about corona, being behind and getting told off. Establishing his raw friendships seeing as he was in year 7 when lockdown happened on top of his normal anxieties 🙁

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Theyaremyforeverx · 04/09/2020 13:23

Could you have a chat with your son Op in person once he’s home? Find out why he doesn’t like or enjoy school and what is stressing him out? As that might be solutions to resolve any problems with going back to school. Starting back at school can be A very scary daunting time for any young person and sometimes they may just need some extra support when settling get back in and someone to talk to , I wouldn’t remove him from school straight away as he needs time to settle and adjust to school life again and be able to get the best education and opportunities from school as possible , what ever the issues he may be experiencing from school may be resolvable and it’s worth trying to resolve them before making any drastic changes to his schooling which could potentially be more detrimental for him in the long run

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