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My self esteem is so low and I dont know what to do.

27 replies

Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 19:43

Feel utterly shit. I'm trying to lose weight but am crap at it. No willpower, eating cheers me up. Only thing that does. No get up and go to do any exercise. Am also very lazy. I hate everything about myself. I hate how I look. I have no interests. I dont do anything for myself. I feel useless, stupid and crap.

I have a good job that I like, currently working from home, two amazing children, lots of friends, a nice husband! But given the option I would just stay in bed all day and cry. I'm on anti depressants already.

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 19:44

Sorry point of my post is what I can do? I hate my hair, my big nose, my weight. I always look a mess. I just want to enjoy and appreciate my life and stop moping about.

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nooneknowshowifeel · 03/09/2020 19:49

Oh darling.

Not sure what I can say that will help but you are being so harsh about yourself.

You have a family and they love you, that has to be more important than anything else.

It's hard when you feel so negative about everything but what about trying to make some small changes, more water daily and less juice/tea, going for a power walk, some self care?

X

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Duvetstay · 03/09/2020 20:44

Cut yourself some slack! If you work and have 2 dc you're not lazy!

I've put on weight post corona... Can't get on with exercise as gym has closed and not as groomed as usual but I've kept my dc alive and happy. I'm not being hard on myself about it but will get back to exercise and healthy eating when my life eases up a bit.

If you've got lots of friends I'm sure you're doing something right! Be kind to yourself and you can do some self improvement (if if makes you feel better) when you have the mental capacity

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 21:12

Thanks.
I just want to stop feeling like this.

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Duvetstay · 03/09/2020 21:19

How long have you been on ad's for?

Do you look at social media a lot?

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Nameandgamechange123 · 03/09/2020 21:21

It's the exercise and it's the diet. I swear these are the two things that alter your mental state. If you get the opportunity tomorrow before you even shower or eat anything, force yourself to do a five min run or walk outside. Come home, shower, dress and eat a decent breakfast . See how good you feel. It sounds so cliche but doing this every day really works wonders. At this point you've nothing to lose.

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 21:46

Been on ads for a year. I go on fb and Twitter. Dont do instagram.

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TigerDroveAgain · 03/09/2020 21:52

It’s really hard : I’ve been there and can easily go back.

What would you say to a friend who said all that to you? You’d be kind, supportive, encouraging, compassionate - now try to apply that to you!

I did a meditation recently where I focused on me as a child, in a boat, adrift: then I, as an adult came to put an arm round the child and helped her find the course. It sounds really woo and cheesy but I found and find it tremendously helpful

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 21:53

That does sound really lovely. Where would I find that?

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Purpleice · 03/09/2020 21:53

Stop looking in the mirror, except to give your hair a quick brush. Push yourself to do one new or brave thing everyday. (I don’t mean hang gliding, I mean try a new recipe, or listen to some different music). Maybe some counselling? Cold showers (try it cool first) can help reset your brain.

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 21:57

My husband is vegan and pre diabetic and not meant to have carbs. Kids usually eat something different to us. Makes eating really difficult.

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 21:59

Good idea about not looking in the mirror, it's all the bloody Skype calls looking at myself that dont help!

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Danni290 · 03/09/2020 22:02

Learn to be kinder to yourself. Have your tried therapy?

Honestly medication should ideally be a last resort once you've tried natural remedies.

Walk for exercise it doesn't have to be high impact. Meditate. Go to therapy.

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Mrslafayette · 03/09/2020 22:08

I've had a therapy a few times. It does help. Not sure how I would access it now without having to pay? Had it via NHS before.

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TigerDroveAgain · 03/09/2020 22:09

It was just what happened in a mindfulness sesssion about kindness to self where I sort of drifted off into that image so I can’t give you a reference. Have a look at Tara Brach’s website: lots of “heart meditations” which are really pertinent

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Purpleice · 03/09/2020 22:15

Maybe plan some healthy things that you and perhaps some other family members would enjoy eating? It’s easier to cater to other people’s dietary requirements and then totally forget about what you yourself would enjoy eating. How about Buddha bowls?

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Danni290 · 03/09/2020 23:35

@Mrslafayette honestly, I would find the money and just do it privately. I appreciate I don't know your financial situation but the money you're spending on additional food could go towards fortnightly sessions perhaps?

Or cut back on other things and make this a priority. These things are as important as you make them.

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JaffaJaffJaffpussycatpuss · 03/09/2020 23:39

Hey OP, I totally get you.
Watch Kirsten Neff and watch/read Brene Brown. Her book 'The gifts of imperfection' is very good.
It proves that shame and striving for perfect will never get you anywhere and particularly resonates with me.
I'm the biggest fan of Ruby Wax also because of this.
Best of luck xxxx

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OhioOhioOhio · 03/09/2020 23:41

Op you sound like me.

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pguppgdown · 04/09/2020 05:24

You could look like a supermodel and live in a mansion and still feel like rubbish. That's depression, for you though, hey? You will feel better, one day. Maybe soon, maybe in a while, but you will.

Look...

Being a fatty didn't stop Adele having a marvellous career. Yes, she's lost weight now, but she didn't wait until she was thin before she allowed herself to have a go, did she? It's not a sin to be overweight. We're all a bit chunkier, these days. No shame in it. Having a big nose didn't stop Gerard Depardieu from becoming a famous actor. He didn't think, well, maybe I'll have a go after I've had a nose job, did he? It's just a nose. Most people have one. And bad hair? Doesn't stop Donald Trump. He owns that hair. He squirts it with lacquer and he's like... yeah. I'm the man.

Sure, it's easy for me to sit here and say, look at all the good stuff you have, but look at all the good stuff you have! You have friends, a job, a husband, two children: I bet none of them give a stuff about how your hair looks. The kids don't think, ew, Mummy could do with a wash 'n' blow. They just see Mum, that warm, safe, loving person who looks after them and loves them to bits. Your friends don't sit around thinking, ew, she's so fat, they actually choose to spend time with you, with you, they like your personality, your advice, your humour, your listening skills. The boss? They didn't feel sorry for the fat bird with the big nose and the bad hair and give you a job out of sympathy -- they gave you the job because you've got skills, skills worth paying good money for.

You're worth millions. Millions. You want to lose weight? You can do that. If you don't, so what? You're still worth millions, fat or thin. Big nose, little nose, green hair, no hair: millions.

Millions, Mrs Lafeyette. Millions. And, before you think I'm just some wanker on the net blowing smoke up your arse at 5 am -- work out how much you're contributing to the economy, MrsLafeyette, over the course of your life. Even if you're just one of the little people, like most of us are, even if you're only making minimum wage, over 60 years: that's several millions. Millions. Don't forget it.

Wishing you well.

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Mrslafayette · 06/09/2020 22:10

Thanks everyone. Had a nice weekend away with friends. But now fed up again. Just often feel like being happy is just slightly out of my reach and I just cant quite get there.

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amicissimma · 06/09/2020 23:12

We're all different but I find exercise really helps. After about 5 minutes walking I can feel my mood lift and catch myself trying to hum.

Pushing myself out of my comfort zone also helps. I visited a friend who was having her roof repaired and had scaffolding up on her high 3-storey Victorian house. She said she'd been up and had a look and I thought 'No way could I do that'. But in the end, I did. I just looked at the ladder in front of my eyes and went up, one rung at a time. The view was amazing and the roofers laughed both at and with me. And, better still, I got down again! Now I feel like I've conquered Everest.

How about you? Abseiling? Zip wire? Even swimming and strolling around the pool (as far as Covid rules allow) flaunting your body, weight to lose or not?

When your 'laziness' fights you think of me at the bottom of that ladder. I'm smallish, oldish, grey-hairedish, not at all muscley, and get vertigo - there was a bit of a mental battle I can tell you, even in front of the slightly intimidating roofers - just said 'oh shut up' to myself and put my foot on first one rung, then the next. I was wearing a skirt, too - not ideally suited to mountaineering.

Is there a hairdresser who'd chat to you and listen to who you are, then make up his/her own mind and give you a really good haircut?

And you did reach happiness - you know your weekend with your friends was good. Delerious joy is rare, but contentment or gentle pleasure more attainable.

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trashcanjunkie · 06/09/2020 23:15

I recommend watching Brene Brown’s ‘the power of vulnerability’ TED Talk. It’s great.

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Whydoireadthis · 06/09/2020 23:18

I have moments like this, where I just focus on the ‘bad’ and forget I have a lovely family that many would be envious of. Take some time out every week for you- would ideally say every day but I know that’s not always possible with children! How old are the children? Could you do some walking with them to start getting some exercise in? It really is good for your head. Even if you sta

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Whydoireadthis · 06/09/2020 23:27

Sorry- cut off!
Start with going round the block if they’re little ones, if they’re a bit bigger, can you go further? Try and get them excited about going with you then you’re less likely to cancel- can’t let kids down! 😊
Could DH help with some ideas for some healthier eating? It’s better to do as a team, rather than separate eating. With regards to your looks, I find I look for a celeb with a body that’s similar to mine( there’s always somebody!) see what they wear and try those styles on myself- usually something I’ve not tried before. Just try the outfit that you’d least likely pick and have a bit of fun with it. Ask your friends what they think would suit you. Don’t be afraid to ask for their advice. Ask your DH to pick an outfit for you and you for him, again have a laugh with it. Get off Facebook and Twitter if they trigger these feelings, I only have Instagram and I’ll occasionally delete the app from my phone if I’m sick of seeing the ‘perfect’ posts from others.
One step at a time, but take a step every week/ day at least.
P.S. Nobody thinks they looks great on Skype/ video calls, you’re not alone there!

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