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Original poster

Dishonouring my family

34 replies

Stargazer2404 · 02/09/2020 22:40

hi

Apparently im dishonouring, and embarrassing my family because ive put an application to CMS for ex to pay £179 a month for his son

I come from a very OLD FASHIONED, backwards family sadly. Ex does not pay a single penny. I never asked but as my circumstances changed i requested 100 a month. He refused, went to CMS and now theyre writing to him etc

My mother calls me and says 'you are embarrassing us, you make it seem like you are greedy for money' .. she is begging me to withdraw the application.

Its my decision of course, but i just wanted to vent. I wish i could pick my family. My mother also disowned me for being with my current partner because hes of a different religion. She disowned me for a whole year!!

I am a fool for even allowing her back in my life. I feel like shit.. im sorry

OP posts:
pallisers · 02/09/2020 22:43

what kind of family thinks it is embarrassing for a father to support his child? They are weird and unpleasant. ignore them. I bet the year when she "disowned" you was very calm and pleasant. Just block her for a while and ignore the batshit crazy demands to not want support for your child.

Are your family close to ex and his family?

chocolatespiders · 02/09/2020 22:45

Don't feel bad you are entitled to every bit of help you can get.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/09/2020 22:45

She disowned you for a year over the square total of fuck all, and you're the embarrassment.

You are doing the right thing by your child. She ought to take a leaf out of your book.

Brot64 · 02/09/2020 22:49

What is embarrassing is a man who doesn't support his child. Demanding support is far from embarrassing.

Tolleshunt · 02/09/2020 22:54

Who will know you are claiming anyway, other than you, the father and the CMS? And her of course.

That’s beside the point, of course. She has very odd ideas. She’s entitled to her ideas, for what they’re worth, but she has no right to foist them on you. And you have no need to take them on, in any way.

Keep on with what you’re doing, it’s the best thing for your child. And if she ‘disowns’ you Hmm I’d see that as a bonus. She’s no loss.

Original poster
Stargazer2404 · 02/09/2020 23:00

Absolutely. My family is a joke. I feel so ashamed even saying my mum disowned me because of that!

Ex and his family keep calling my mum and saying 'please let our son live, why are you snatching his money from him?' And then she rings me and tells me she will get unwell if i continue this

Im so fed up!!!! If she disowns me again i dont care anymore.

Thank u all x i needed that

OP posts:
HerNameWasEliza · 02/09/2020 23:13

Oh OP, sorry to hear this. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Shizzlestix · 02/09/2020 23:14

He has a child for whom he should paying. He’s a bloody disgrace!

xine15 · 02/09/2020 23:27

Save her the trouble of her disowning you and do you and your child a favour by disowning her! The only people who should be embarrassed here are the father who is not supporting his child and anyone who thinks he shouldn't be.

Be strong, do what's right for your child.

Tolleshunt · 02/09/2020 23:30

Ex and his family are shameless, embarrassing twunts for having the brass neck to call up your mother and complain about him having to pay an extremely modest sum to partly support his own child.

And your mother is a twat for entertaining any of it, and then being prat enough to complain to you about it.

Only ever worry about the opinions of those whose opinions have any worth or merit. Clearly, that doesn’t include your mother or your selfish ex and his stupid mother.

Ignore the lot of them with clear conscience.

Giraffey1 · 02/09/2020 23:32

Why don’t you stop contact with your mum instead of waiting for her to do it to you? She is the one who is embarrassing you here, not the other way round. Why would a grandmother not what her grandchildren to get to money they are in law entitled to? Bonkers.

Vinosaurus · 02/09/2020 23:37

You can't choose your family - but you can choose who to allow into yours and your DS's life. She doesn't deserve you in hers - she's an embarrassment of a parent.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/09/2020 23:40

They all sound absolutely nuts. Get the money you are due and tell th all to fuck off.

combatbarbie · 02/09/2020 23:50

op is it acceptable in your culture for fathers to not provide for their children? Next time your mother says anything ask her that.

On second thoughts, just disown her.....if she disowned you for religion, then her values and views can't be altered. It's a battle you will never win, save your energy for your child.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/09/2020 00:04

The law says that he has to pay for his child. Suggest your mum writes to her MP if she believes that should change, but right now that is the situation.

You would be doing your child a disservice by gifting their money back to their useless father.

hastingsmua1 · 03/09/2020 00:07

Are you from an Asian culture?

Your mum sounds nasty and I think it will be safest for you to either grey rock her or just cut her off. Put you & your child’s safety first, that includes your mental health.

hastingsmua1 · 03/09/2020 00:08

It’s such a weird dynamic when parents care more about what the “community” think rather than their own child’s well-being. It’s like she cares more about outside opinions than her love/care for you.

Molly333 · 03/09/2020 04:20

Oh i understand this one , this is my family also !! Counselling was my saviour in this, where i can now see that growing uo with a mum like that is why i picked a man like that . You stick to your guns and fight fir your children and for you to live free . That will also teach your children to do the same . However i do also understand hiw upsetting this is not having a supportive mum is v v hard too

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2020 04:26

The best thing you could ever do for yourself is to permanently separate from your toxic family. They offer nothing positive to your life..

Baboomtsk · 03/09/2020 05:13

It sounds to me as though the only ones in this story that shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed are you and your child. Interesting that your mum has gone from thinking that your ex was totally unsuitable due to his religion to taking his side when he's completely in the wrong. It seems she just can't get it right. What bizarre attitudes.

Mintjulia · 03/09/2020 06:01

Your ex is a father, he has a responsibility to his child. The money will feed and clothe his child, keep them warm in winter.

Your mother's values, (and his parents') are loathsome. Would they prefer their grandchild went hungry?

SwanShaped · 03/09/2020 06:04

They sound a nightmare

GinWithRosie · 03/09/2020 06:35

Tell her to fuck off....seriously. You're an adult! Your mother should not be interfering in your business. Use those words: Mum, fuck off!

Very empowering 👍☺️

GinWithRosie · 03/09/2020 06:36

Oh...then have the exact same conversation with your interfering in-laws!

ImaSababa · 03/09/2020 06:37

Why do your family know so much about your finances?