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Has lockdown made your parents old ?

83 replies

showmethewaytothemagic · 02/09/2020 22:19

My parents are both late 60s, but lockdown has made them age another 20 years. I think the lack of socialising and the inactivity ( despite having a dog, they were lazy.) My mums always been someone a bit prone to
depression, with health anxiety. I just feel a bit sad that 6 months back she'd go swimming with me and DS and laugh, but now she just sits like a serious old Nanna which is what she is now.

OP posts:
ImaSababa · 03/09/2020 06:38

My parents came through the War. Six months staying at home has been a breeze in comparison. They're a bit Hmm about others' reactions to it.

RobinlovesCormoran · 03/09/2020 06:40

My dad is terrified. Early 70s. He won't leave the house now unless it's for hospital appointments, to which my Mum drives him. He has cancer and heart problems so I partly understand his fear, but I think he should be going out and enjoying life, or what life he has left, instead of hiding away. He won't let his grandchildren or son, my brother, or his partner in the house, and they live 10 minutes away. I live 75 miles away and I want to visit but my Dad flatly refused. He won't even see me in his garden at a distance.

My mum misses her lawn bowls, and art classes, but she meets with her WI friends at a social distance for rambling. She has other friends she sees. But it has aged her, looking after my Dad with little support and not being permitted respite because he won't let his family in.

TrickyD · 03/09/2020 06:55

Well I am 76 and am certainly not a ‘serious old Nanna’ , apart from anything else I am a Granny and cannot bear ‘Nanny’, ‘ Nan’ or any variation thereof.

I miss cuddling the grandchildren and holidays, though we managed to fit in a family ski trip plus a cruise to the Arctic early in the year before covid struck.

Thanks to DH, the garden looks its best ever, and he has taken up bread making along with all his other culinary activities.

We have aged at our normal pace.

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DinosApple · 03/09/2020 07:08

Yes for DM really. She's got health issues and is very worried about catching Covid too. She's in her mid 60s, but is less steady on her feet (hip and back problems AND osteoporosis) so it's a bit shit.

My grandma on the other hand is not ready to die yet, at 90 she is meeting up with her friends and has gone back to enjoying life. I think she feels she might as well as there's nothing to lose!

Rainallnight · 03/09/2020 07:26

Yes, they died.

showmethewaytothemagic · 03/09/2020 07:29

I had a baby just before lockdown, I actually found the the lack of pressure to take my older DS out was a good thing. We also have a dog so we did lots of walking. We played with the numerous toys we already have. But the disturbed nights of having a young baby is very ageing, can't blame that on lockdown though.

My mum refused to do Zoom or FaceTime/ video calls as she doesn't like them, so she missed out there. My Dad is less social and happy gardening. There is that social element of just going out to the garden centre for example is a big thing when you are retired or SAHP. They seem to have lost that habit of nipping out and stay home now.

I'm sure those suffering with financial stress has aged people generally.

OP posts:
showmethewaytothemagic · 03/09/2020 07:31

@Rainallnight ohhh Thanks that's quite extreme, so sorry for your loss.

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 03/09/2020 07:49

Thank you. My mum died during lockdown, my dad a while before, both cancer, both early 70s. It might be churlish of me but I struggle with people’s difficulties about not getting out to lawn bowls or the garden centre. My DC are really little and will grow up without their grandparents. They didn’t get to say goodbye to my mum because the hospice was in lockdown.

Choppedupapple · 03/09/2020 07:50

I’ve aged, I saw a photo from 2 years ago and am shocked.

My parents have aged terribly also, my father has lost mobility, likely wheelchair bound now

crimsonlake · 03/09/2020 07:50

I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that we haven't seen them for a while?
I still have not seen my dm as she lives in Wales and too far to travel for a garden visit with the weather never being right. She is also not urging me to visit as I have been working all the way through and is worried.
At the weekend I met an 87 year old elderly relative who was staying with her daughter. She was always young and sprightly for her age, as she walked towards me she suddenly seemed like an old woman.

Ragwort · 03/09/2020 07:54

Not at all, they are always very positive and upbeat - they are very late 80s but have been using the time to decorate and sort the house out Hmm, they haven't followed the guidelines and have been going out and about ....

Flamingolingo · 03/09/2020 07:59

My own parents - not sure. They had a fairly lockdown compatible life anyway; my mum has complex disabilities so spends a lot of time alone though I know she is missing friends dropping in. My dad is fairly active walking and cycling rurally and I don’t think that has changed that much.

PIL (mid 70s) have aged at least a decade though. Some health concerns though I think more ageing related than anything sinister (PIL has had a lot of tests and a lot of GP time though). Many many hours of phone calls to DH which have eaten into family time. Much distress about lockdown, about not seeing people, and generally not resilient. There is now talk of them moving to he close to us which does not fill me with joy. Because family life is very busy for us and they would be leaving an active social life to come to a place where they know nobody, and they’re ageing. But DH has a huge sense of duty and is very keen that they should be close.

Flamingolingo · 03/09/2020 08:01

Sorry - my mum spends a lot of time at home, not necessarily alone. Keeps quite busy doing crafts, always has a project or two on the go. I set her off on beautiful handmade Christmas decorations a while back, and obviously many iterations of face masks.

SockYarn · 03/09/2020 08:04

Yes, but it's just exacerbated the existing issues. My parents are mid-70s, mum is healthy and well, dad physically fit but starting to show early signs of dementia.

In February they were attending their local gym to swim or go to pilates classes, involved with the local "in bloom" competition, seeing friends, going out for meals, mum was meeting her friends for a coffee, mum helped out at the local school reading with the kids and dad did the school garden. All of that has stopped and we didn't see them for months either as we live a long way away and travel wasn't allowed.

They have never been tech-savvy, a definite more won't than can't situation. No smartphones, online shopping, video calling. They have struggled enormously with everything moving online and not being able to just call and speak to someone. They also had the fear of God put into them over the covid and were incredibly nervous a about venturing back out into the world in July. Even a trip to Tesco was a major expedition.

It has aged them enormously and the quality of their life has been very adversely affected.

WouldBeGood · 03/09/2020 08:06

Lockdown has aged me terribly, I have never felt old til now. All my fitness classes, outings and social interaction snatched away has made me tired, depressed, old, unfit and uninspired. I look ancient. I’m fifty.

My elderly dad looks shockingly old and my other previously sociable elderly relatives won’t see anyone because of fear and are depressed and anxious.

Camomila · 03/09/2020 08:09

No, it's given them a new lease of life. (late 50s and early 60s). Mums enjoyed the company of dad wfh and dad has enjoyed wfh and not commuting/having to talk to people all day.

They've redecorated the house and garden and have improved their health. Dad had finally got a hearing aid and cut down smoking and DM is getting her BMI down from 27 to 25 or less.
They got a new baby GS just before lockdown and DM says her aim is to stay around to see a GGC like her DM.

I'm a bit worried about the winter though as DS1 is starting school.

Camomila · 03/09/2020 08:13

Rainallnight Flowers I'm sorry as well. Just noticed your post after posting mine.

BrokenBrit · 03/09/2020 08:13

No. My DF, seventies, has reverted to a rebellious teenager rather than aging.
He wears masks and socially distances, he is not an idiot nor a covid denier, but he disagrees with lockdowns or not seeing people. It’s likely he had covid himself back in February as he returned from Italy very unwell and spent 6 weeks isolated then. He just wants to go out and live life and is currently in Europe. Where they are taking far better precautions with masks and hygiene in shops he tells me and he is off with a friend to the beach and the bar every day!

Ihaveoflate · 03/09/2020 08:21

My mum, no - but in laws most definitely (mid 70s). They used to be quite active and do lots of volunteering. With all that halted they seem to have gone to seed a bit, particularly MiL. She's been on her own too long and she's gone a bit woolly. They both seem content with pottering about at home but I don't think it's been good for them.

userxx · 03/09/2020 08:26

My mum decided at the start of this she wasn't locking herself away and has continued living her life pretty much as normal.

PersephonePromotesEquanimity · 03/09/2020 08:27

My octogenarian parent is enthralled by it all. She was physically frail anyway but generally lively and ferociously in touch with current affairs. And I imagine, as with many elderly people, wasn't really expecting to see any great new event in her lifetime. So she's fascinated by the novelty of it all, angered by the incompetence of the government - and seems if anything younger than she was six months ago.

My siblings have aged. Too much worry, no socialising, teen children's lives disrupted. They look thinner and older.

I have put on weight and now have little piggy eyes in a fat face. Hmm And have rather lost interest in my occupation - while feeling resentful as I watch my peers thrive on lockdown opportunities.

Now I've written all that down ... Hmm ...

Lobsterquadrille2 · 03/09/2020 08:30

@ImaSababa

My parents came through the War. Six months staying at home has been a breeze in comparison. They're a bit Hmm about others' reactions to it.
Same here. My mother was 90 last month and has been great throughout lockdown - Zoom calls with friends, building a rockery, getting to grips with online banking (which my father wouldn't permit her to use). I'm really sad to hear how much younger people have been affected. My mother lives alone and has missed her social life but that's improving now too.
Iamthewombat · 03/09/2020 08:34

Yes, mine have aged disproportionately during lockdown (both in their eighties). They seem more helpless now, and more prone to panicking over small things. My dad used to go for a walk every day and has partly resumed now, but having been out of the routine for a while is less mobile and is worried about falling.

I’m going over to give the house a good blitz this weekend because I think that their housekeeping standards have slipped too, possibly related to spending more time indoors and feeling less capable.

MadameBlobby · 03/09/2020 08:38

My mum has been a bit like this, dad not so bad. It’s made me realise though that they won’t always be there for me to depend on :(

DilloDaf · 03/09/2020 08:42

My 70 year old mother has carried on as normal, spends hours walking her 3 large dogs and often takes neighbours dogs out as well. She's half way through an OU maths degree and is currently doing something very complicated with statistics on her computer.

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