Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

"I'm doing this for your own good"

35 replies

Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:31

This was suggested to me as an appropriate comment to make to discipline teenagers (along with "I'm doing this because I care about you"). To me, it sounded very creepy, like the thing an abuser would say to their victim. Am I being overly sensitive?

OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 01/09/2020 21:34

If you’re not comfortable saying those words don’t. You need to be authentic
If that didactic approach doesn’t sit well, don’t use it

FlibbertyGiblets · 01/09/2020 21:36

Who suggested that? Sieve out advice that doesn't suit, nod and ignore.

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:37

Teacher training. Wanted a more general view hence posting here not in the staffroom.

OP posts:
CookieMumsters · 01/09/2020 21:40

It doesn't sound abusive to me, but as pp said if you dont like it, dont say it

FlibbertyGiblets · 01/09/2020 21:41

Ugh that is creepy, intended to come from a position of power (teacher). yanbu (I know you're not asking).

Too many ( )s. Sorry!

SentientAndCognisant · 01/09/2020 21:43

Essentially you need to find your own style and be authentic
Maybe those Lines work for that teacher,but if you can’t carry it off - don’t
My friend struggled with teacher training, got told to be “tougher” that she didn’t have gravitas etc
Upon qualifying she found a school that suited her,were she didn’t have to model a style of teaching that wasn’t her

legalseagull · 01/09/2020 21:47

Just "I'm trying to help" would suffice

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:51

Just to clarify: I'm not a trainee teacher, but we had a training day on Friday. I would never use this sentence, it made me feel really uncomfortable. I was just trying to gauge whether I was overreacting as I'm not a big fan of the person delivering the training, so I thought I might be biased😊

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 01/09/2020 21:52

I think it's a question of experience.
If you're a new teacher you can't draw on that - and in any case I'd never say 'it's for your own good'. It's a bit aggressive in its tone:
I've got 30+ years and I can confidently say 'students in the past....' and 'based on my experience...'
You could try 'I know that....' - but make sure you do. Students can see through it in a second if you don't..
You might want to come from the place of saying 'I have high standards because I want the very best for you'.
That is actually how I feel, and comes across to my students as genuine because I really mean it.
Whoever said that to you is probably not very secure in their teaching yet. I don't think it's good advice.

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:53

@SentientAndCognisant

Essentially you need to find your own style and be authentic Maybe those Lines work for that teacher,but if you can’t carry it off - don’t My friend struggled with teacher training, got told to be “tougher” that she didn’t have gravitas etc Upon qualifying she found a school that suited her,were she didn’t have to model a style of teaching that wasn’t her
It's the worst when someone tries to force their teaching style on you. A good teacher trainer advises and guides you to find your own style. I'm glad your friend has found a supportive school. It's sessions like this that make me question whether I'm in the right place myself...
OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 01/09/2020 21:54

A lot of trainers have stock phrases that they repeat as if they are killer lines
Frequently they are not

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:56

@mineofuselessinformation Whoever said that to you is probably not very secure in their teaching yet.

This totally cracked me up and did me the world of goodGrin It came from a very experienced teacher/ behaviour guru. I disagree with them on almost everything teaching related though, so your comment is music to my ears😂

OP posts:
Reubenshat · 01/09/2020 21:56

I taught sports to children for over ten years and I can’t ever imagine me ever saying that phrase.

It’s creepy and patronising.

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 21:57

@FlibbertyGiblets

Ugh that is creepy, intended to come from a position of power (teacher). yanbu (I know you're not asking).

Too many ( )s. Sorry!

Exactly that.
OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 01/09/2020 21:57

@Letmegetthisrightasawoman yes thanks, it affected her confidence
And you know yourself you’ve got to suck it up to an extent until you qualify
Happily she is settled and SLT. Think that composed,grounded teacher that gets the kids. No she she’s isn’t a room filler or noisy,but she doesn’t have to be.

Firawla · 01/09/2020 21:58

When I opened this thread, I thought it was gonna be about controlling and abusive partners... so yes I agree with you. It has a creepy feel to it

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 22:01

@Firawla

When I opened this thread, I thought it was gonna be about controlling and abusive partners... so yes I agree with you. It has a creepy feel to it
Thank you. Good to know it's not just me then.
OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 01/09/2020 22:03

Doing what, OP?

As in, what kind of scenario was the trainer picturing when saying these words?

mineofuselessinformation · 01/09/2020 22:03

Ah, well, OP, there is always the theory that people rise to the level of their incompetence, isn't there? Grin
Maybe I'm an old cynic, but I'd be wondering just how much classroom experience they had before they got where they are.
It's true that not everyone in management deserves to be there. I'm lucky in that most people where I work do.
It's just something worth considering and it sounds like you have good instincts - go with them. Smile

Lockdownseperation · 01/09/2020 22:04

It depends on the context. If it comes with an explanation, “I’m setting you homework to do exam style questions because you have good knowledge but you need to improve your exam technique. I’m doing this for your own good.” Or “Your hmk is x, y, z. It’s for your own good.”

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 22:06

@LonginesPrime

Doing what, OP?

As in, what kind of scenario was the trainer picturing when saying these words?

It was just general advice on useful language to get pupils to behave, so something you might say when they're not following your instructions even after a couple of reminders.
OP posts:
GreyishDays · 01/09/2020 22:09

I think phrasing makes a difference. To say “this is for your benefit rather than mine” with a wry smile gets the same message across.

LonginesPrime · 01/09/2020 22:12

So something like "you've had two warnings and now you'll be staying back at break time. Im doing this for your own good".

Weird.

Kind of undermines the idea that school rules encourage pupils to develop personal responsibility as it sounds like teachers are applying discretion to the rules.

Original poster
Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 01/09/2020 22:14

@mineofuselessinformation I lost my comment! I really admire people who do classroom teaching (rather than a
SLT/ a bazillion TLRs) for years. It shows real dedication to the job. I wish I was level-headed and professional enough for it, but I doubt I amSmile

Thank you for your comments, you sound like an awesome colleague to have! Enjoy the new term!

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 01/09/2020 22:17

It sounds creepy to me too... but I can’t put my finger on why

Swipe left for the next trending thread