DH - please talk me down

[OhToBeASeahorse]

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

He is driving me to fucking distraction.
I posted a couple of weeks ago about stupid decisions he has made - just general household stuff but stuff that makes life harder if you see what I mean.
We have building work going on. We have a 2 year old, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm asthmatic. I'm trying to keep the dust at bay. DH seems just oblivious to it. He's left boxes of open stuff in the main building areas. He's left doors open so the dust has spread more than it needed to.

We have 2 hoovers- but we have had to disconnect the charger for the Dyson so that's died and I cant find the attachments for our other one. I hate being in the house.

On friday i had a bath while he did dinner. He came up to say he would get a chippy because the oven was broken. I came down to see that there had been a power cut and you need to reset the clock before the oven works. We have lived here for 3 years. How doesn't he know that.

A mirror fell from a wall and landed on a mantelpiece. It was cracked and broken in the corners. I asked him to clear it up. He said he would rehang it as it was because it looked fine. Wtf?! I explained AGAIN that it was broken. So he takes it off and puts it ON OUR BED to have a look.

I've just picked up shards of glass from floor.

I was stressed this morning and he said 'I'm getting tired of hearing the dust refrain'.

I've fucking had enough today.

And bo, before anyone says it, there is nowhere we can go.

Maybe ask the builders to lay a new patio..

That's starting to seem like a good idea. The dust is everywhere, I know that isnt DH's fault (though it's his fault it's as bad) but I hate it.

He seems to be trying to risk your safety.

@SparklingLime he isnt trying to do that but I cant seem to get him to realise that he is.

I feel like I'm in an alternate universe talking to someone about why you cant pop a broken mirror back on to a wall.

Tell him he has no common sense or spatial awareness

I have done. He agrees that's true.

He doesn’t listen to you, does he? I would be pissed off too.

No he doesnt.

Weve had counselling over the same issues and for ages things were so much better but its sliding again.

Well if he’s made no effort to change, further down the line this may be a relationship-ender. It will take it’s toll eventually

Tell him that next time he does something, just google what to do first. Google should be step 1 before he attempts to fix it himself or bother you.

Thing is that would only work if he sees a problem.

He thinks I'm cleaning obsessed. I clean the house once a week, kitchen gets wiped and washing up done every day. I wipe the floor where DS eats everytime because it gets messy. I dont think that's excessive. We were away last week so it's been 2 weeks. Yesterday he says 'there's detritus on the carpet'.

Fuck me - is there?! What a shocker. THAT IS WHY I HOOVER.

It sounds as if he really doesn’t care. Which is a big problem. Sorry, OP, it sounds horrible.

Stick A4 paper, face height on each door, both sides:
SHUT THE DOOR.

He is behaving like a stupid inconsiderate ass. I second the new patio . . . .

Yesterday he says 'there's detritus on the carpet'.

I'd bury him under the patio for that alone!

In all seriousness, can you live like this for the next 50years? If not it might be wise to start planning an exit strategy (yes I know your mid renovation and have a child & a baby on the way...)

You’ve married a moron

@Regularsizedrudy

You’ve married a moron

I think @Regularsizedrudy has the thread. AKA "strategic incompetence".

You say you have had counselling before, what can you do now with another baby on the way? Can you stay somewhere else without him and tell him to think about what he wants to happen next?

Ask him for £40 per week from his spending money to spend on a cleaner.
He can then choose to not spend the money and clean (and prevent mess) or spend the money and not clean

He would happily pay for a cleaner, we used to have one. But it seemed pointless given the works. We planned on getting another once it was all done.

I don't know if this a temporary situation, but you seem to indicate that you've had ongoing problems. Perhaps it's time to re-assess your relationship and maybe split? You don't sound compatible with your approach to life. You post reads as though you are very stressed - would this be eased if you split up because neither of you sound happy.

Get the cleaner back it's worth every penny for your well being alone. You are 34 weeks pregnant and having building work this is precisely when you need a cleaner. You can put your feet up and plan patio designs..

I have a similar partner . I'm not sure I can do it much longer . What gets me is the lack of effort to change and the general unwillingness to take responsibilty for anything which is threaded through that lack of effort .

The absence of awareness that his behaviour makes my life hard .

If that makes sense .

@peridito I'm sorry, it's hard work isn't it?

We've had a chat and he said he feels like I am criticising him a lot at the moment but he did say that he sees why. He's quite down though.

Hm.

It is hard isn't it ? Like having the responsibility of bringing up another child .

We had an old shower cubicle with some missing tiles on one wall .He liked to warm up the cubicle by letting the shower run for a bit before entering . I get that bit .I don't get the bit where you leave the shower head angled so that the water hits the exact spot where the tiles are missing . And water drips through the ceiling below .

How did he react when u pointed it out?