Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Being in the presence of your spouse. All. Buggering. Day.

85 replies

CrunchyNutNC · 28/08/2020 19:52

I've realised that now that we both WFH, sharing the home office, I am in the same room as my DH for approximately 22 hours in every 24. I do love him and I'm amazed/impressed we've not killed each other yet, but some days I just crave an empty house, just for a day. Anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrunchyNutNC · 29/08/2020 13:18

@Disfordarkchocolate

I don't want a walk. I want to have a bath in peace, clean the kitchen and have it stay that way, not come into a room and see Judge Judy on the TV and read/sew without interuption. Oh, and work without him finding something to tell/ask me every 20 minutes.
Yes!

My DH magnanimously offers to look after DC if I want to go out on my own but it's entirely conditional on me actually going out. I don't want to have to go out, I want peace in my own house.

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 29/08/2020 13:57

Haha I know what you mean. My friend who DH is friendly with has invited me to hers overnight. DH now thinks he just goes everywhere with me and I had to specifically tell him I'm going by myself! It will be the first night we're apart since covid and a while before and I think it's necessary.

Original poster
CrunchyNutNC · 29/08/2020 14:25

[Wonders if I could pretend to have a friend invite me overnight and secretly just go for a night in a spa hotel]

Shock
OP posts:
RubyFakeLips · 29/08/2020 15:12

In your situation, I would go to the hotel and agree you would each be doing this on a monthly basis while current circumstances continue.

I would never be one to give relationship advice but this is something DH and I are actually good at.

We've always been able to say we need a bit of a break and not take it personally. In proper lockdown it wasn't that possible so we would each take turns to be 'upstairs' alone and not allow DC to disturb.

I am alone today as DH has gone to have a night at his mums with youngest DC.

nosswith · 29/08/2020 16:10

I understand your feeling OP.

EggyPegg · 29/08/2020 23:02

I've been told to come here from another thread.

Today my DH took the DC to his mum's. And none of them are back until tomorrow!

Nobody has asked me for anything all day and I've spent so long on the sofa that my legs have cramped up. The peace and silence is incredible.

DH initially suggested that I go too, but I'm surplus there as MIL lives alone so she's as happy to see the DC as they are to see her. I suggested that I should stay home because other wise we have to have a neighbour sort the cats and he conceded by saying 'it's the last day you'll get off for a while' (I work in a school, so am back next week).

Hope you're reading this from your night in your spa hotel OP!

EggyPegg · 29/08/2020 23:08

My DH has also announced that he likes WFH so is going to drop his in office hours to one day a week. My face dropped a bit at that. I finish work at 1245 daily, get home at 1pm and don't need to collect the DC until 3pm. Those two hours are MINE! I eat my lunch alone with a book or the TV and no-one talks to me. And now he's going to be here!!! Angry

managedmis · 29/08/2020 23:12

My mate has a shop a couple of hours drive away, there's a flat above it which she stays in overnight sometimes. I'm dying for her to invite me to it Grin

QuacksInTheDark · 29/08/2020 23:14

DH all day everyday is no problem for me at all, it’s these facking kids we decided to have that are the issue! They want attention All. The. Fucking. Time. Shock

BluebellsGreenbells · 29/08/2020 23:30

100 days Covid free here. DH still working from home bar the odd morning for confidential calls.

6 long weeks!! It’s driving me potty!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 29/08/2020 23:41

I told dh that for his sake and mine he has to go into the office soon just for a day or two here and there. We both work from home but I don't have an office. I have eyed up the garden shed.

I love him totally but always having him here is driving me nuts and I'm going to wear my feet to stubs if I go for any more walks.

JockTamsonsBairns · 30/08/2020 00:03

I'm with you, OP. Up until Feb, dh worked away Mon-Fri. It worked perfectly. I had midweek to myself, and we made the most of enjoying our weekends together. In February, he changed jobs and worked from home two days a week. That was a novelty, for the three weeks it lasted. For the past five months, hes been here in the house, ever present, and I'm beginning to feel the strain. To make matters worse, his firm has recently said that WFH has been a resounding success, so they're rolling it out for the time being.
I'm a shift worker, and I used to love the times that I was at home on my own - God only knows when that'll happen again.

SomethingOnce · 30/08/2020 03:08

Turns out we only get along when I don’t have to bear witness to DP’s untidy, disorganised ways for more than five or six hours on weekdays. Can’t wait for him to go back to the bloody office.

NiceGerbil · 30/08/2020 03:20

I'm still up because I need some time to myself and he follows me around.

He's supposed to be ill but stayed up till 2.

He's lovely but I need time to myself.

StartupRepair · 30/08/2020 03:43

We have been home together 7 days a week since March. I'm over it. Specifically the loudness. He sort of crashes through doors and thumps about. Talks loudly on the phone. Eats apples.

StartupRepair · 30/08/2020 03:44

And joins in on every zoom I have with my family. It's great that he loves them too but I would love one without him.

Hyperfish101 · 30/08/2020 03:53

Ugh I hear you. I am desperate to go into work but we can’t yet.

Been very hard trying to do a job from home with 2 kids and DH all stuck in our small house. I walk the dog a lot to get out for a break.

mathanxiety · 30/08/2020 08:16

@polkadotpjs Shock is he wearing The Dressing Gown Of Doom?

Original poster
CrunchyNutNC · 30/08/2020 09:20

What's almost worse are the times he goes out for his run a little bit later in the morning and comes into the study about 40 minutes after I've started. Somehow having worked in total silence for 40 minutes makes every noise 100x more irritating AND makes me aware of exactly what I'm missing out.

And the noises! Most days he just struggles with silence (even with radio on), either we have a conversation whilst working (which I find hard) or fills the silence with noises. I think in his normal work environment the type of work means that people can chat as they work.

And as for looking over my shoulder at my screen if he pauses behind me. If he gets a biro in the eye this will be why!

I do love him though, and wanting to murder him is accompanied by guilt at being so irritable.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrunchyNutNC · 30/08/2020 09:23

@NiceGerbil

Funnily enough I've been wondering about going to bed a bit later, suspect I'll still wake at the same time and me being sleep deprived may not make his environment safer!

OP posts:
daisychain1620 · 30/08/2020 09:33

Its funny to hear about all the OH's with separation anxiety, like puppies but in my case less cute Grin
Thankfully sport is back so my Saturday mornings are mine and mine alone- pure bliss.

MinnieMountain · 30/08/2020 09:59

DH is now WFH full time rather than his usual 3 days a week. He'd normally be at home on the days I'm working, meaning I'd have 2 peaceful days a week whilst DS is at school. I've just realised that's not going to happen now Sad

We're on holiday at the moment but I'm feeling the need to go for walks rather than spend time together.

TeaOneSugar · 30/08/2020 10:44

I can't wait for dd to go back to school, I've been wfh full time since March, it's a miracle we haven't come to blows, the thought of having the house to myself during the day is keeping me going. She's been learning to cook lots of new things, the mess, the dishes, the lists of obscure ingredients ....

MitziK · 30/08/2020 12:21

@DominaShantotto

Oh fucking hell mine's been watching sodding Nightrider as well.
I've started providing my entirely unasked for feminist critique of the things he watches when they become particularly jarring and I can't block it all out, despite having earphones in and tinnitus/hearing loss.

This is reducing the sheer volume of misogynistic shite polluting my headspace. And, by sheer osmosis after months of my visibly wincing at a lot of it he's also noticing the inherent racism as well.

This saved me from the fucking Cannonball Run II the other night.

There are many things he can watch and I can zone out from, so I'm not deliberately destroying everything he enjoys and he is entirely at liberty to fuck off upstairs out of earshot go and watch things on his laptop or phone. And things that are obviously very gendered but not so fucking rapey/women are whores/fat women are vile get politely ignored. But he does appear to at least consider these things where they wouldn't have occurred to him before.

I see it as doing my civic duty. Honest.

Limpshade · 30/08/2020 12:26

We are also WFH in the same room. There really is no alternative. Our jobs are not compatible - his requires him to be on the phone/on Zoom virtually the entire day. Mine requires quiet, focused working. After five months of this, I've just spent more than £300 on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. They are my joy and I figure far less expensive than a divorce Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread